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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25478545">coming in from the cold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaurspaceship/pseuds/dinosaurspaceship'>dinosaurspaceship</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Succession (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:33:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>65,265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25478545</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaurspaceship/pseuds/dinosaurspaceship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roman returns to New York after three years away.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gerri Kellman/Roman "Romulus" Roy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happened fast. Kendall’s announcement, a shareholders vote, and suddenly Logan was out. A vote of no confidence and the old man lost the company he spent his entire life building. Kendall was in, partnered with Stewy, back at the top seat. And Roman, Roman was kneecapped. Kendall didn’t take his title but made it clear Roman’s place. It was mad king shit, Kendall had spent so long getting kicked when he was down that he was going to make the world know that feeling. </p><p>On his good days, Roman can give Gerri some credit; she told him it was coming. </p><p>It was clear to him that she didn’t fight for him. Not the way he’d have fought for her, but he’s harder to fight for. Gerri has skills, knowledge, experience. She had things to teach him. He was just his father’s son, all charisma and chaos. Gerri couldn’t say that was better than the things the ex-CEO for American Airlines or whatever the fuck had. </p><p>Gerri called him, it was a Wednesday night, to tell him they’ve begun developing his exit package. Kendall and the team had found a “better suited” COO and his services would no longer be needed. Part of him realized this was inevitable, Kendall was bound to remove all the competition, claim his rightful place as sole heir. He had always wanted it more than Roman, followed all the road signs and rules to get him there. Roman just showed up for the money and the hope Logan would see him as a man. </p><p>In the end, Roman didn’t put up a fight. He just took in Gerri’s words and considered for the first time how tired he felt. Gerri’s still talking when he hangs up, he feels like he's ready to vomit, somewhere between “my hands are tied” and “proven experience with major corporate rebrands.” </p><p>He’s in Europe when they announce the new guy. When he got off the phone with Gerri, he slept for 20 hours then got on a plane. He gave himself a couple of weeks, went to all the usual European spots until he was bored and hated everyone he met. He couldn’t bring himself to book a ticket back to New York so he ended up in LA. There were a couple meetings at agencies and a tech firms but he decided he’s not interested in working for someone else. </p><p>The sunshine was an adjustment. As was the chill, PC vibes everyone had. He bought a dozen pairs of sunglasses, a set of flip flops and decided he could make this work.</p><p>Tabitha came out for a couple of days, wanted to see what he'd settle into. She introduced him to her “friend” Alice, a producer for A24. They have very little in common but were able to find a truce while talking about their favorite childhood films. He offers her a job that doesn’t exist, except he said it, so then it did. They find her, “the project”, and he feels good for the first time in a long while. </p><p>That project goes well, and suddenly he's poached a producer from Blumhouse and HBO. They work together in an office, his desk has a view of palm trees and smog. There are scrips piled up in the corner and empty coffee mugs everywhere. He doesn’t compare it to glass and chrome that made up his past office at the top of the world. </p><p>Business is going well, in a couple of months, they’re financing three films, a rom-com, horror, and thriller. He felt responsible and proud of each project, but still excited about the future and all the talent they’d be able to cultivate. </p><p>Roman understood  the team at Waystar-Royco was cut throat and eager, they were survivors and could play the game. He didn’t know if they were good at their jobs or just good at seeming like they were good at their jobs. After working for himself and building a team, he knew what it was like to work with competent people at all levels of the organization. His team is sharp and careful, they knew their stuff and weren’t afraid to say when they were out of their depth. Roman spent a lot of time early on thinking about how little he had to offer his team besides money. He could offer connections and play go between, his office was always open for brainstorming and pitching, and day by day it seemed like his team sought him out. Maybe they stayed for the excitement of something new or the promise of less oversight. But Roman felt there was a chance he was part of the reason, his leadership and “values”. </p><p>Work was going well, the team was happy, they were profitable and well regarded for such a young enterprise. He let the work consume him early on. He stayed at the office too long, ate Chinese at his desk while answering emails or reading scripts. Tabitha visited every so often, but had a new French boyfriend. Roman knows his name isn’t Jacques but that’s what he calls him. Tabs offered to set him up with some of her LA friends, but he wasn’t in the mood to fight with an unsatisfied woman nightly. </p><p>He had a weird flirty thing with his trainer, but it felt too much like his old bullshit that he stopped it pretty quickly. </p><p>He’s been more successful at making friends. There are guys in his life he goes on wine trips with now. Something two years ago he would have hated. </p><p>The family stuff was still a mess. He talked to his dad every couple of weeks. He’s been in near constant contact with Shiv. She’s been his eyes and ears, sometimes she’ll just text him a picture of Kendall’s tie choice, just to let him know how bad things are without him. He hasn’t talked to Kendall in 6 months. He hears the business is on the mend, it’s in good hands. Roman didn't sell his stock on his exit so he still has financial interest in the company’s success. Even though personally, he’d rather the whole enterprise just burn down. Right before he left the company he was re-elected to his board seat just by the virtue of his name. While he’s in LA he plans to relinquish all his voting powers to Shiv, because why not, her judgment is just as good as his. </p><p>He hasn’t heard from Gerri for 5 months and 29 days. Early on she’d send him texts,  even a couple saucer ones, clearly trying to entice him into a special call. He ignored all of them. She chose working for the company, just rolled over and let him go the second the control shifted.</p><p>The first two movies made them 20 million, the third made 75. They operated on such low budgets and little overhead that he started thinking this could seriously work. And it does, for 3 years he re-invested and paid for cool yet inexpensive projects that get put on streaming sites or are bought in bidding wars at festivals. And here he was in New York again, one of his films  premiered at Tribeca last night. It went well, they sold the distribution rights and critics were raving.</p><p>He only told Shiv he’d be in town, asked her if she wants to get dinner, but is instead invited to her place. He should have figured it out, but only realizes he's been set up when he reaches her door. Roman knocks meekly and eventually is greeted by Shiv, glass of wine in her hand, frown on her face. They haven't seen each other since Easter in Jackson Hole. He hears Kendall’s voice before he’s a foot inside the apartment. His jaw clenches and releases as he walks into a room. In front of him is Kendall, Tom, Gerri, Stewy, and a couple strangers.  </p><p>“Roman! Welcome, hello!” Tom looks excited to see him, which is weird. </p><p>Kendall looks up to him, “Hey man.” Everyone’s heads turn to look at him, as if they’ve all been waiting for him to arrive. </p><p>Roman raises his eyebrows and nods his acknowledgement to everyone. “What a nice and intimate meal you’ve planned for us Siobhan.” He turns to look at her annoyance clear from his expression. </p><p>“It’s been so long, I thought it’d be nice for everyone to catch up.”  She’s smiling through the obvious lie.</p><p>He leans over to her, lowering his voice so his words are only for them, “I don’t know those fucking guys,” he looks to the suits at the edges of the room, “so catching up should be pretty fucking  quick I would thing and I give fuck all about catching up with the rest of them.” </p><p>“Ken insisted I set something up, I don’t know what exactly it’s about but he brought the whole regalia with him so I think we have to hear them out. Ten minutes, twenty tops; let me get you a drink.”</p><p>“Waters fine.”</p><p>Shiv makes a face, but returns with a bottle for him.His hands don’t fidget with the bottle, Shiv thinks about how the electric nervous energy that used to course through his wiry frame is seemingly gone, “You good?” </p><p>He meets her eyes, clear, bright, “Yeah, you?” </p><p>“Yeah” her voice waffles while saying it, opening the statement up to doubt.</p><p>“Let’s get this over.” He turns to the rest of the room, “How may I help you gentlemen?” </p><p>Kendall gets up to meet him, Roman thinks for a second he will try and hug him. The unimpressed look on Roman’s face must make him change his mind, going for a shoulder clap instead. “This is Jim Will, he’s our CFO, and this is Mike Lin, he’s managing operations.” </p><p>Managing operations, it’s the nicest way Kendall could put, this is the guy who took your job, title, and birth right. </p><p>Roman shakes each man’s hand. “Nice to meet ya fellas.” He thinks if this happened 2 years ago he wouldn’t take Mike’s hand, would just tell Kendall to go fuck himself. </p><p>Kendall gestures for them all to sit. Roman looks for Shiv, tilts his head, inviting her to come sit with him. She’s the closest thing he has to an ally in this room. She joins them. </p><p>“As I’m sure you are aware, the shareholder’s meeting is next month and your board position will be up for a vote.” </p><p>Roman has to hand it to him, he’s getting straight to the point. Shiv had brought it up a couple of times, but he hadn’t thought anything about it. He looks over at Shiv, raises his eyebrows and pats her knee. “Still feels like an email would have sufficed here,” he says under his breath. </p><p>“From a management perspective, we would be, the firm would be, more comfortable with a,  uh, member who is closer to operations, which is not to say that you and Shiv haven’t done a great job, it’s uh, more of a strategy thing.”</p><p>Roman shifts back on the couch, opening his water and taking a sip. When Kendall is panicked or uncertain or amped, it’s fun to get him off his rhythm. A couple interruptions or jabs and he’ll lose the plot. Roman doesn’t feel up for that. </p><p>“We would be interested however,” Kendall looks to Jim, “in offering to, or pursuing, acquisition of your company. We could roll it up into the west coast entertainment production division, there is a VP position open that you could slip into there as well.” </p><p>Roman wishes it didn’t feel like such an insult. He wishes these people wouldn’t still be able to affect him. He looks at Kendall for the first time, really looks at him. He hasn’t seen his brother in 2 years. Roman skipped out on Christmas with Caroline for the last three years, opting for real vacations instead and visiting her on her birthday. Kendall looks older, tired. He’s graying around his temples, his beard already well salt and peppered. Roman likes to think he looks better than he did before, he certainly feels healthier. Kendall certainly doesn’t seem healthier.  </p><p>He looks down at the bottle in his hands, it’s been 2 years and all he get is ‘would you like to go back to the job you had 7 years ago.’ Roman doesn’t really know what to say. He’s been away for awhile but his reputation is probably still the same. The hot head who is too dumb to see he doesn’t belong or the over indulgent, excitable youngest son who just wasn’t able to rise to the occasion.</p><p>He’s grown up a lot, done plenty for himself, learned how to be a boss and a team player. It’s not clear what they expect him to do here. If this is meant to be a good offer or if he should be grateful. He remembers when they were all at that dumb tech conference and the cruises story broke, how he was supposed to be bumped, how Gerri shook her head no ever so slightly, how it made him stand his ground. Is he supposed to fight for his board seat? Do they want him to prove he cares about the company and he’s dying to be pulled back in?  </p><p>He’s still staring at the water bottle, but he clears his throat,  “I went to Rome after everything happened. Frank sort of suggested it in a very bizarre card he sent and I thought, why the fuck not. Anyway, I had a Carmella in Paris moment, have you guys seen the Sopranos? Well you should, it’s good, but there I was standing in the middle of Rome, asking myself “where am I going?” And not in the I’m lost, help me with directions sort of way, like existentially. Romulus  returns to Palatine Hill  a few thousand years of life and death later and what does the world have to show for it.” He pauses, looks around the room. “I mean besides the obvious,  airplanes and cars and all that, but fuck it’s been 3000 years and I’m out here seeing 6 birds to this guy’s 12, and the kingdom is so granted.” He sighs, “It was Dad. It’s fucking hate speech and rollercoasters but for me it was always just Dad. Take the board seat. I'm sure whatever you decided will be great, and thank you for the offer but I am happy with where I’m at, the health insurance is better and I get to set my own hours.”  </p><p>He stands up, “Kendall,”  he looks to Jim, “ and it was nice to meet you John.” </p><p>“It’s Jim.” </p><p>“Sorry,” he turns to Mike, “Matt.”</p><p>“Mike.” </p><p>“This has been fun.” He waves at the rest of the room and moves towards the door, Shiv walking with him. “I’ll be in town for a couple more days if you actually want to have dinner.” </p><p>“I’m sorry about all this.” </p><p>“No you’re not, it’s fine, we’re all grown ups right, business is business.” </p><p>“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to grown-up Roman.” </p><p>“Har-de-har-har yeah I’m the fucking worst.” Roman kisses her on the cheek and slips out of the apartment. </p><p>As he’s getting into his car his phone buzzes. It’s Shiv setting up lunch tomorrow afternoon. He accepts, laying his head back, closing his eyes. It wasn’t the worst humiliation he’s ever faced, but it didn’t feel great. It was all his once and here he is 4 years later, his brother is offering him a VP position in a low power division. He takes a couple deep breaths to calm himself. His phone buzzes again, he looks at it. Gerri. There was a time when a text from Gerri would make his heart race. That feels like decades ago. Now the feeling is more muted,  like someone is poking at a healed scar, a reminder of how much it hurt but how much time has passed.   </p><p><b> Who knew you knew Roman mythology.</b> </p><p>Well what the fuck is he supposed to do with that. He looks back at all the texts she’s sent him over the last three years. He’s never replied but she’s still sent things sometimes. Mostly it’s comments or pictures of things she thought he’d like, that remind her of him. Sometimes it seems like she’s trying to say she misses him but that might just be wishful thinking. He never blocked her number, he sort of liked that she reached out, was still keeping tabs. </p><p><b> <i>Must have been in one of the nanny’s bedtime stories. Who knew the way to get my attention was to name the main character after me.</i></b> </p><p><b>There were other ways to get your attention.</b> </p><p>She wasn’t wrong. It’s the first time he’s smiled today. He puts his phone down and leans back. He’ll be at his hotel in 10 minutes. He has an open invitation to drinks from the film team, but it’s not the mood he’s in. It crosses his mind to call her. It’d be best to wait another half hour or so, he’s sure the Waystar team is celebrating their win. But what would that get him. </p><p>Roman was never quite sure how to best classify his relationship with Gerri .For forever she was his sister’s godmother, his dad’s company lawyer. She was always around, always smarter than everyone else in the room, she became his mentor, his confidant and then… The phone calls, pressing himself against her bathroom door, her hotel rooms, his office, her apartment. He’d call her his lover, but they only ever had one real night together, couple weeks before he was pushed out. He used to think about if she knew that night what was coming. The thought could consume him if he let it, it made him fucking hate her. They arrive at his hotel, shaking him from the dark thought.</p><p> </p><p>Shiv suggests Cipriani and he’d rather die. They settle on a shitty wine bar that serves tapas like it’s 2011. </p><p>“I was slightly worried you’d gone straight edge.” Shiv’s gesturing to the glass of wine in front of him. </p><p>“A guy lives in California for a couple years and everyone just assumes he goes full hippie-dippie.” he’s smiling.</p><p>“What are we supposed to think, you’re not drinking, you’re like zen-ed out of your mind.”</p><p>“They put me on meds. And to my surprise they work pretty fucking well. So much for Dad’s medication makes you a drooling brain dead idiot.” </p><p>“Yeah? So things are good?”</p><p>“Yes, to everyone's surprise, I’m fine, I can survive on my own. How are you? How is Tom? How are you and Tom?” </p><p>“Shitty, more shitty, okay.” </p><p>“Okay. So as expected.”</p><p>“Have you seen Dad?” </p><p>“No, I was going to avoid all that this week. It was supposed to be a good trip. How is he doing?”</p><p>“It’s impossible to talk to him, it’s conspiracies and plans and bullshit constantly. He thinks we all did this to him. I’ve stopped visiting honestly.” </p><p>“Yikes, yeah, not going there.” </p><p>Roman’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He’d feel rude checking it, but it’s Shiv and he doesn’t care. It’s Gerri again, which brings a smile to his face. </p><p>“Oh cool chill California Rome have a girlfriend?” she says like a pre-teen girl.</p><p>“It’s Gerri.” </p><p>“What? Eww. Why is Gerri texting you?” </p><p>“She wants to know if I want to get dinner.”</p><p>She’s clearly very troubled by this, “They can’t possibly want you to sell to them that bad right?” </p><p>He takes a bite of sweet potato something. “Probably just trying to get laid.” </p><p>“Gross, I’m serious, what do you think is going on?” </p><p>He looks her dead in the eyes, can’t help the smile creeping up, “Fully serious, that woman is a wild cat, heartless bitch too, threw me straight out after.” </p><p>Shiv pulls a face like she’s not sure if she should vomit or laugh. “You’re disgusting, she is my godmother, stop being gross.”</p><p>She’s shaking her head, but he’s never talked to anyone about it. It feels good to get it off his chest. “It was a goof at first, but then it wasn’t.” </p><p>“Rome. What the fuck are you talking about?” </p><p>“I was a little bit in love with Gerri.” </p><p>“You’re serious?” </p><p>“Yeah.” There isn’t any fun left in his voice, it’s clear he’s telling the truth.</p><p>“You were in love with Gerri. For how long, when, and what?” Shiv can’t believe she’s saying those words.</p><p>“For about 4 months, the trip to the Pierces, and Ken fired me and I fucked right off.” He’s trying not to make eye contact. He doesn't know if he’d survive it. </p><p>“Jesus. I’m sorry. You didn’t keep in touch right? Everyone talks about you like some mythic creature who just disappeared into the wind.” </p><p>“God no, last night was the first time I’ve seen anyone in so long.” </p><p>“Are you going to go to dinner? What does she want? Fuck her, don’t go.” </p><p>Roman clears his throat, shakes his head a little, “Yeah, I don’t know, I probably wont respond.” He looks up at her, his sister, he can’t remember being like this before. Shiv wasn’t someone he told secrets, she’d put them all away in her cavernous mind and pull them out when it could really hurt. He hopes they’re past that now. He asks about work, gets them into a more cheery mood. When they go their separate ways he feels a little lighter. </p><p>Roman pulls his phone out of his pocket, hovers his finger over Gerri’s message. He takes a deep breath and sends his message back: </p><p>👍</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wasn't entirely sure where this one was going, but that's part of the fun right. Thanks for the wonderful comments, feedback is always appreciated!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s staring at himself in the mirror, fussing with his hair. He stops for a second and takes in the picture staring back at him, he sighs, “Fuck you.” </p>
<p>The entire ride to the restaurant, he wonders what he is walking into. It wasn’t clear if this is intended to be a date or business dinner or two old friends catching up. He dressed down his premiere suit figuring that would cover any of the basis.</p>
<p>He’s eight minutes late and he part of him thinks she deserves it. She’s at a table near the back and it makes him wonder if she's trying to make sure they're not seen. Gerri looks up at him when he arrives, gives him a slight smile. “Hi.” She doesn’t stand up to greet him. </p>
<p>“Hi,” he stops himself from apologizing for his tardiness, why would he apologize if he did it on purpose. </p>
<p>The waiter arrives just as he sits down and she orders a bottle of wine so he takes it that this isn’t purely business.</p>
<p>They stare at each other for a couple beats. She’s smirking and tilts her head, challenging him to speak first, but he doesn’t take the bait. “You look good.” she offers him.</p>
<p>“Oh thank you, I guess the California sun has done well for me.” He wants to tell her she looks good as well, but he’s not sure he feels generous right now. If she was looking for a return complement she doesn’t show her disappointment. </p>
<p>“It’s more than that, you look… happy?” She’s uncertain if happy is the right word, but it seems to be the only one that she comes up with.</p>
<p>Roman laughs, “Happy? Okay sure, I’m happy.” </p>
<p>The waiter brings the wine and they order. Roman is happy for something to play with. Gerri raises her glass a little towards him, “To old friends.” </p>
<p>“Friends?” he contemplates how the word feels in his mouth. “There are a lot of words, I’m not sure I’d have chosen that one.” He sips his wine. </p>
<p>She smiles. “Which would you use?” </p>
<p>“To describe this?” he gestures between them. </p>
<p>“Yes Roman, if we aren’t friends, how would you describe us?” </p>
<p> “Fucked up” </p>
<p>She laughs at that, “Fair play.” There is a little lull. Roman remembers when he used to sit in silence with her for hours, just her typing and him scrolling on his phone. This silence isn’t nearly as comfortable. </p>
<p>“Oh congratulations, I heard your film sold in a bidding war.” </p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“I look forward to seeing it.” </p>
<p>Roman smirks, “You’ll hate it.” </p>
<p>“Why would I hate it?” </p>
<p>“It’s like 60% hallucinations.” </p>
<p>“Sounds insufferable.”</p>
<p>“Exactly.”</p>
<p>“You’ll have to make better stuff then.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, our key demographics skew a little younger, edgier. Not really looking for the ATN market demo.” It earns him a smirk. </p>
<p>Their food arrives and the normalcy makes him feel a little queasy. “I think the last time we did this was when we were in Tanegashima for the satellite shit show.” </p>
<p>“I somehow forgot all about that trip. Lot of safety and engineering restrictions came out of that disaster, you’d be happy to know we’ve been 7/7 on satellite launches since.”</p>
<p>He knows he was a disaster back then, a little boy completely out of his depth. “Well, I was always great at setting the worst possible example, happy I could be of service to Waystar.” </p>
<p>“You weren’t that bad. You were actually pretty good there at the end.” </p>
<p>“Good enough to get shit canned.” There is no way he can hide the venom out his tone. </p>
<p>Gerri sighs, “It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.” </p>
<p>“How was it supposed to happen, Karl takes me and a gun out on a boat for some last minute fishing?”</p>
<p>“There was supposed to be a couple more weeks, I thought.. “ she’s uncertain how honest to be. “I thought maybe we could find you something else, somewhere else, and it’d be okay. Maybe you’d be happier there. Which I guess was true, it was just somewhere else farther away.” </p>
<p>Roman isn’t quite sure what he is hearing. “What?” </p>
<p>“Mike approached Kendall and the idea sprouted, and it was just a matter of time once the idea was there. I just severely misjudged the timeline.”</p>
<p>He’s actually mad now, “Oh you wanted to fuck me a couple more times before they put me out to pasture? Fuck you.”</p>
<p>“I was trying to find a place for you to land, another job. I tried to explain that, explain that there were options, but you had to be a fucking child about it. Throwing a tantrum because someone else got your plaything, you didn’t want help, just wanted to be a spoiled asshole,  not answering your email or phone because of one little hiccup. What did you want me to do, follow you around Europe, propose, beg you to come back?”</p>
<p>It felt good to hear, but bad at the same time. Years ago this conversation would have a different ending, likely with him in the bathroom of this restaurant. But he’s spent years thinking about this, thinking about her betrayal of him, “I didn’t want you to let it happen in the first place.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Roman I don't have control over everything in the world, I'm sorry I couldn’t stop your firing, I’m sorry, is that what you want to hear? Why does it even matter, you’ve done so much, you’re clearly better off.” </p>
<p>Roman cleared his throat. It was true, everything worked out, he had a job he really liked, he built a life in California. None of the old stuff should matter, except it did. It mattered because he maybe sort of loved her and she may have never felt that way. </p>
<p>“I loved you.” </p>
<p>He can’t tell if her expression is horror or shock, maybe a combination of the two. Gerri opens her mouth to speak before closing it again and shakes her head, “No you didn’t.”  She’s never been this mad at him. It suddenly feels like no time has passed and she is stuck explaining how life works to a spoiled brat. She could always handle the bravado and vulgar tendencies, the bad behavior and the acting out, but his total lack of emotional intelligence was difficult. It wasn’t difficult to understand, his family was a total shit show, but it was hard to build a relationship with someone who was perpetually insincere and impulsive.</p>
<p>“Yes I did. I proposed.”</p>
<p>“You offered to kidnap me, how is that the same?” </p>
<p>“I loved you,” he’s not sure if he’s trying to convince her or himself. “I’d have bit the bullet for you on that boat. I was all in Gerri.” </p>
<p>“Sure you loved me, but like a child loves a toy not like an adult. An adult would have a real fucking conversation about their feelings, they’d answer their phone and try and solve the problem rather than just throw their hands up and run away.” </p>
<p>Roman’s mad. “Yeah, great, I’m a fucking child.” He leans back into his chair pouting.</p>
<p>“You seemed pretty adult yesterday, but this display, I’d have to question that.” </p>
<p>He rolls his eyes. He’s prepared another retort but when he looks at her, there is something in her eyes that stops him. He remembers that look. Roman is very sure that he is very mad at her. He’s confident that she has meant every word she has said. But she’s looking at him like they’re going to fuck. </p>
<p>“You’re a fucking disaster.” He says with a smile. “Were you disappointed? Puppy comes home and doesn’t need the collar anymore.” </p>
<p> Her lips twitch slightly, a smile concealed, “We’re all very proud of you, took some shots and didn’t even cry, such a grown up. Replied to a text message, such a hero” </p>
<p>Roman thinks of his conversation with Shiv earlier, how much he has actually grown, how readily she was to praise his progress. Gerri never gave him a fucking inch. She always wanted more, wanted him to be better and better and better, challenging him, tearing him apart, giving him relief.</p>
<p>The waiter comes by and clears their plates, their bottle of wine is empty. They’re staring at each other in silence. Clearly this portion of the evening is coming to a close, but neither is quite certain what comes next. Roman isn’t really ready to be done with this. </p>
<p>He’s trying to figure out his move as they approach the door. Gerri has a car waiting. She slides into it and then looks up expectantly, a silent invitation. He joins her, sitting closer to her than necessary. She pulls out her phone, checking email and messages, ignoring his existence. He sighs and shifts in his seat, his leg starts to bounce. Silently, Gerri moves her hand to rest on his thigh, stopping the motion. It takes 10 minutes to get to her apartment, her hand says on his leg the rest of the ride. </p>
<p>He tried dating in LA. Met some very nice people, but wasn’t able to make anything last. He’d stayed in contact with Tabitha, they talked regularly. He had friends, but nothing that clicked. The libertine ways of the west coast didn’t really provide him the WASPy shame and guilt he learned to crave. </p>
<p>When they arrive in her apartment she offers him a drink. It looks the same as he remembered. He used to feel at home here on nights when she’d let him follow her home from work. The couch she’d let him nap on as she finished up work, where he used to massage her feet and tell her tales of his triumphs. He thinks of all the places she’s gotten him off and the night she let him come to bed. The memory makes him angry again, but he looks at her, bringing him a glass of scotch and the anger fades. </p>
<p>He didn’t let himself get this far when he accepted her dinner invitation. Roman thought dinner would be cordial and maybe a little familiar, equal parts business and catch up. But dinner was angry and hot and now he’s in her apartment. She has her shoes off. He downs the scotch, looking for a little courage and deserving a little pain.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Roman wakes up in bed alone. A crippling sense of déjà vu sets in. He pulls on his briefs from the floor and wanders out into the kitchen. There is coffee in a french press, he touches it and it’s still hot, so he’s not far behind. He pours himself a cup and walks farther into the apartment looking for Gerri. She’s not in the office or the living room. He heads back into the bedroom to grab the rest of his clothes, when Gerri is exiting the master bath, dressed and ready for the day. </p>
<p>“Hi,” he says suddenly shy. He’s holding his coffee close to his chest, keenly aware of how bare he is. After everything they did last night, the things they said, he’s surprised he could ever feel shy with her. She looks well rested, put together, and there he is in yesterday's underwear, bare and raw, his hair and pre-coffee brain a chaotic mess. If ever there was a better illustration of their personas.  </p>
<p>“Good morning.” she stops momentarily to acknowledge him, but seems to be in the middle of a morning routine she wont deviate from. She is heading out of the bedroom. </p>
<p>Roman pulls on his pants from where they ended up on the floor last night, grabs his shirt and follows her. He finds her in the home office, leaning on her desk to check something on a laptop. His libido is suddenly kicked up, his brain a little less foggy. Memories of their previous night activities flooding his system. He feels like a lecher. </p>
<p>“So I’m gonna fuck off then…” he’s had plenty awkward morning afters in his life, but he usually its just about disappointing sex. It’s never been as awkward as 3 years of silence followed by unresolved love confessions and flying across the country the same afternoon. He’s not going to offer to push his flight, he can’t stay. He doubts she’d even accept it. They both have separate lives, one “interesting” night doesn’t warrant dramatics, at least not anymore. Years ago, he’d be down on a knee, begging for her to keep him forever. </p>
<p>Gerri looks up from the computer, she nods, “Okay.”</p>
<p>He clears his throat, “I’ve got a 2:45 flight back to LA.” </p>
<p>She blinks a couple of times before closing the laptop. “It was a nice visit, I hope.” It’s not clear if she’s looking for a complement or just being polite. Gerri never struck him as uncertain about her feelings or needs. </p>
<p>He laughs at that, “Unexpectedly so I guess. An award or two for a board seat, not a total loss,” he winks at her, “Plus I got to nail an ex-girlfriend, remind her what she was missing.”</p>
<p>“Ex-girlfriend, really?” </p>
<p>“Feels more fitting than “old friends”. What? You don’t want to be known as an ex- of  Roman Roy? It’s a great group, I promise, just the highest caliber of people.” </p>
<p>“I have no doubt, it’s just not the designation I think we should settle on.” </p>
<p>“Maybe settle for something like strange bedfellows, companions, phone-y fuck buddies? Or would you prefer lovers?” He’s poking to see how much she's willing to give up. Last night, after a few glasses of wine, he was the most honest he’s ever seen her. Maybe she finally feels he’s capable of handling the truth.   </p>
<p>She’s ignoring him, gathering her things for work, checking the content of her bags. He likes the idea of being around for her morning routine. Getting to see her get ready, put her lipstick on, pick out her skirts. He has a nagging sense that if he were to have returned her calls years ago, he might have been able to spend every morning with her. It was 100% clear but that’s the sense he got from their conversation last night. He may have been ousted from Waystar, but Gerri isn’t Waystar. </p>
<p>He stalks towards her, compelled by some pulsing need deep within to resolve his grief at what he might have lost, he captures her face in his hand, leans in and kisses her. Her initial shock wears off quickly enough and she responds in kind. This is all he will have for some time, the thought makes him deepen the kiss. When they break for a breath, he strokes her cheeks with his thumb.</p>
<p>“How fucking dare you say, I didn’t love you” he’s holding her stare, she’s still a little taken aback by the renewed contact.</p>
<p>“Maybe we just agree all of that is water under the bridge?” she’s a little breathless, partially from the kiss and partly from keeping up with him.</p>
<p>“I’d answer now, if you were to call, I’d pick up.” </p>
<p>“I would fucking hope so.” </p>
<p>He laughs, leans in to recapture her lips. Gerri’s phone buzzes, the day must begin in full. They break apart and head out. In the lobby Roman grabs Gerri’s hand, catching her attention. </p>
<p>“I think we could make this work, I want to...” </p>
<p>“Roman,” soothing his anxious energy, “I am open to it. We can talk about it. Okay?” </p>
<p>He just nods. </p>
<p>She surprises him, leaning into him and kissing his cheek. “Have a safe trip back. It was really good to see you. It’s an impressive thing you’ve accomplished.” She smiles at him and then slips out of his hand heading out to the awaiting car. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s 9 when he gets home, he was able to be mildly productive on the flight. He turns on ATN, because old happens die hard, then quickly switches to Bloomberg. He’s half listening, focused more on pouring himself a drink, but something catches his eye. The news ticker at the bottom of the screen said Roman Roy, but he wasn’t fast enough to catch it. He sits and waits for it to come back around, pulling up news on his phone. Sure enough, “Waystar Board Changes, Roman Roy No Longer on Ballot”. </p>
<p>He finds the story online, screenshots it and sends it to Shiv with “Dad would be so proud.”  He doesn’t wait for a response, silences his phone and goes to bed. </p>
<p>The rest of the week feels exactly the same as any other, like his trip to New York didn’t happen, and his life is entirely normal. He’s not certain, but he thinks he’s in a game of chicken with Gerri. Whoever reaches out first is more desperate, loses the power position.  He remembers times when she’d be disappointed with something he’d do and she wouldn’t give him any attention for hours. </p>
<p>He doesn’t think about it except when he’s home alone, laying in bed on his phone, bored out of his mind. It’s Friday at 9pm and he’s finished with another useless business dinner, driving home. His music stops for an incoming call, he glances to the screen, disappointed it’s Shiv. </p>
<p>“What’d I fuck up now?” </p>
<p>“Nothing, I talked to Mom today.” </p>
<p>“I’m sure that was pleasant and what did dearest mother want?”</p>
<p>“She’s getting married?” </p>
<p>Well that’s not what he expected, “What?”</p>
<p>Shiv is sort of laughing, “Yeah, apparently her and Rory decided it’d be romantic? She wants to do it soon. Like she suggested we all head over there NEXT weekend.” </p>
<p>“She’s suggested we fly to England next weekend, for her wedding to a weird Welsh hippie. I mean, we know she can’t be pregnant right, like science hasn’t advanced that far right yet?”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t really get a definite reason for it, just that, it’s what she wants. Which I mean, it’s Mom, so obviously there’s something, but I guess it’s nice?” </p>
<p>“Nice.” Roman laughs, “Did you talk to any lawyers yet? Not to be a dick, but are we going to have to fight Rory’s dumb hippy kids for the estate when this all goes to shit?” </p>
<p>“All Mom said was “she has protected what needs to be protected”. And then she started talking about how we never visit.” </p>
<p>“Okay well, it’s what,” he glances at the car clock, “4 am there now. I guess I’ll call tomorrow morning. See if a good night's sleep makes it all go away.” </p>
<p>“You don’t think, we shouldn’t try and talk her out of it right.” </p>
<p>“Oh you’re welcome to do that, but ughhhhh, why? If we fight her on it, she’ll do it just to spite us anyway.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Shiv sighs, “I guess I’ll get a dress…” </p>
<p>“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He’s pulling into the garage and switches from the car to his phone. </p>
<p>“Oh wait. One more thing. I saw Gerri on Tuesday, she was in a good mood. Like it made me uncomfortable how nice and reasonable she was being. So I guess you guys got dinner?” </p>
<p>He hangs up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He calls Caroline in the morning and Shiv was right. He texts her, confirming that they are meant to be in England on Friday morning until Sunday afternoon.</p>
<p>He waits a day, but can’t help himself, he texts Gerri. </p>
<p>
  <b>Do you have an American to English wall outlet adapter I could borrow? </b>
</p>
<p>She replies back immediately, apparently unworried about seeming to eager. </p>
<p><i>Sorry, I’ll be using mine. </i> </p>
<p>
  <b>Glad to see the company’s operations still revolve around the CEO’s social engagements. </b>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Shiv put me on the “travel team”. </i>
</p>
<p>He’s going to have to send Shiv flowers. He’s excited to see her again, he wonders if she’ll be at the house or if they’ll be off in some hotel. He’s worried if he asks it seems like he’s expecting too much. </p>
<p><b>There is nothing like Eastern England in April, the team must have been fighting over that<br/>
dream assignment.</b> </p>
<p>
  <i>Oh yeah, everyone desperate to be trapped in a castle with your mother’s antics. </i>
</p>
<p>Well that answers that. </p>
<p>
  <b>I think we can find something to make it worth your time. </b>
</p>
<p><i>Doubtful, but I don’t hear any better offers. </i> </p>
<p>He sends her a kissy face emoji and puts down his phone. He pulls out his laptop and books a commercial flight, not willing to submit himself to an extra 9 hours with Kendall and the fam on the Waystar jet.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He arrives after the Waystar team. The battalion of black SUVs lined up in the drive. He grabs his bags from the driver and heads inside. When they were younger Shiv and him used to fight over bedrooms. She always ended up with a slightly larger one. No one is mulling about when he walks in, so he takes his stuff up to his usual room. </p>
<p>He lays his case out and hangs up his suit bag. He took a red-eye hoping the sleep would do him some good, but he’s pretty exhausted. Caroline told him the weekend’s events would start with Friday lunch. He regrets it’s too early to head out to a pub. He lays down on the bed and pulls out his phone, checking his email. </p>
<p>
  <b>I’ve arrived. </b>
</p>
<p>Shiv replies quickly. </p>
<p>
  <i>Kendall set up a “temporary workplace” in the Dad's old office. </i>
</p>
<p>That sounded fucking miserable. He toes off his shoes, curls up on top of the duvet. </p>
<p>He wakes up to a light tapping on his door. “Yea,” he calls out, groggy. </p>
<p>Tom pops his head in, “Shiv told me to tell you, “time to join the shit show, shit bag”. Caroline says lunch will start shortly.” </p>
<p>“Thanks Tom.” He doesn’t really mean it but doesn’t have his brain in a place he can actually come up with anything better. </p>
<p>He gets up, stops across the hall to splash some water on his face, then heads downstairs. </p>
<p>Tom and Shiv are in the library. She greets him with a hug, “You look like complete shit.” </p>
<p>“Well thank you, it's a new look, I’m calling it: 40 year old junkie, riverboat captain.” </p>
<p>“I don’t think you have the bone structure for it. Have you seen Mom yet?”</p>
<p>“No, the place was deserted when I showed up.” </p>
<p>“Ken said she’s in fine form.” </p>
<p>“Where is he?” he looks around the room noticing Kendall isn’t in sight. </p>
<p>“Still in the office, I think he thinks if he pretends he’s very busy then he can get out of it. Jim and Gerri are going to have quite the shitty weekend.” </p>
<p>“I think we all are.” </p>
<p>The doors to the dining room open and Caroline sweeps into the room, ushering them to their seats. Tom is sent to fetch the others, he returns shortly with Kendall. Roman sits next to Rory and Tom, which considering the other options isn’t too terrible. He could count the number of conversations he’s had with his soon-to-be step-dad on one hand, and while he has no driving desire to increase that number, he figures there’s no harm. Rory always struck him as the silent type, in that, he has always been silent at every meal he’s ever had with him.. </p>
<p>Tom seems to want to change that, “So Rory, exciting day tomorrow!” </p>
<p>“Aye.” </p>
<p>“Any honeymoon plans?” </p>
<p>“No.” </p>
<p>Roman respect for the man just increased ten-fold, but tunes out Tom’s piss poor attempt at a conversation, focusing instead on the potatoes on his plate. </p>
<p>He’s pulled out of having no thoughts at all, when he hears, “Isn’t that right Roman?”</p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“Tabitha’s getting married to someone who is not you.” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, a French financier named Jacques-Louis. He’s very handsome and very french. She’s not telling anyone but it’s a shotgun wedding. She’ll be a great mom. I’m holding hope I’ll be the godfather.” </p>
<p>“I hadn’t realized you two stayed in touch.” Kendall says. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” </p>
<p>“Ro-Ro, how can you not be dating anyone? No big movie stars or pretty actresses have caught your eye.” Caroline asks.</p>
<p>“No Mom, actresses are exclusively interested in uggos and fatties, I’m too handsome, I seem to just make them insecure.” </p>
<p>“Plus, you wouldn’t be able to handle someone who is more dramatic than you.” Shiv adds. </p>
<p>“I’m not dramatic.” </p>
<p>“You once sent me a letter from military school that contained a blood soaked sock.” </p>
<p>“That wasn’t me being dramatic, I was informing you of ongoing human rights violations. I was trying to subtly ask for help.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of dramatics, how is your father doing? I heard he hasn’t been fairing nearly as well.” leave it to Caroline to dig into her ex-husbands fragile state at her pre-wedding lunch. </p>
<p>“He’s old, it’s just classic old people stuff, you know how it is, being old yourself.” He’s hoping if he is vague and mean enough, the conversation will end. </p>
<p>Kendall’s leaning forward, “What happened?” </p>
<p> “It wasn’t a big deal, he had a little bit of a heart thing a couple months ago. They put him on some meds and he’s fine.” Shiv says. </p>
<p>“A heart thing? Like a heart attack? Why didn’t you guys tell me?” Kendall’s voice is raised.</p>
<p>“Well it was literally, the one thing he asked us not to do and he was in a frail state, so it felt right to respect the man’s wishes.”</p>
<p>“And there was that time you pushed him out of the company he spent his entire life building, so there was that and the weak heart, just felt like adding stress to it all wasn’t the best solution.” Shiv added. </p>
<p>“So if, god forbid, he is dying, your plan is to what, not ever tell me?” Kendall’s energy is oscillating between disbelief and fury.</p>
<p>“I mean, we’d tell you, would you be the first call, I don’t know, Shiv, if Dad’s dying, who do you call first?” </p>
<p>“Probably his doctors, the family lawyer, Frank, Connor, his ex-wives, and then double check with the doctors, and then Kendall.” </p>
<p>“Fuck you guys.” Kendall is shaking now. </p>
<p>“She’s joking, Jesus, cut us some slack. It wasn’t a big thing, he was in and out of the hospital in 2 hours.” Roman doesn’t want this weekend to be any more miserable that it has to be. “Now can we stop talking about dear old Dad, we are here to celebrate Mom and Rory. Rory you don’t have any major upcoming health crisis we have to inform Kendall about do you?” </p>
<p>Rory shrugs, “ Doctors say I’m fit as a fiddle, but what do they know.”</p>
<p>Caroline, seeing an opportunity to shock and horrify her family,  proceeds to tell a story about Rory’s impressive physical fitness, which no one asked for. The rest of lunch is fairly unremarkable but the earlier confrontation made Kendall snippy. When they are dismissed, Kendall strides off to the office alone.</p>
<p>Roman follows Shiv and Tom back out to the library. “I think, and I don’t actually mean this, I think we should apologize to him?” </p>
<p>Shiv turns to look at him, aghast, “What?”</p>
<p>“It’s complicated, the stuff with Dad. And maybe he’s right, maybe we should have called. It’s not like he was going to just show up at the hospital. Plus, it’s not like Dad ever gave him much of a choice, it was an eat or be eaten situation. So I don’t know, I don’t blame him for that necessarily. It’s not his fault the old man can’t function without the job.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know why that means we have to apologize. We don’t have to make him feel better about the unintended consequences.” </p>
<p>Roman was about to conceded when Caroline glides into the room. “Ro-Ro, come come, I need your help.” </p>
<p>Roman rolled his eyes, “Yes mother.” He turned to Shiv, “I have to use my vast range of skills to help Mom.” </p>
<p>Caroline didn’t need help with anything, she was just in the mood to talk shit and drink, and no one did those two things better than Roman. He’s feeling pretty good, a combination of his jet lag and the glasses of Scotch his mother plied him with. He’s in the upstairs hallway, headed back to his room when he spots Gerri at the end of the hall. He working through the best thing to shout at her when he notices she’s not alone. Jim is with her. He clenches his jaw, pulls himself back from interrupting them, god forbid he be “dramatic.” He makes it into his room and faceplants on the bed. </p>
<p>His eyes are closed for less than 20 minutes when a pounding on his door wakes him up. </p>
<p>“Get up, we’re going shooting. Mom says it’s mandatory.”</p>
<p>Roman rolls over, peeling his eyes open. He grabs a sweater and joins Shiv at the door. Together they go to the office to see if they can pull Kendall away from work to join them. </p>
<p>“After lunch, are we sure we want to be around him with a loaded rifle? I mean “it was a crazy hunting accident” seems like a perfectly viable not-guilty plea for fratricide.” Roman’s only partially kidding. </p>
<p>They step into the office, where Kendall is sitting at their Dad’s old desk. It will always feel a little wrong to him, seeing Kendall trying to fill Logan’s shoes. He spots Gerri on the couch with Jim. They’re looking at the same laptop, huddled together, discussing the finer points of some document. Jim is trying to get Gerri’s attention on a specific point and touches her wrist. It’s clearly purely professional. He knows Gerri, knows how she works, Roman is certain nothing is going on. </p>
<p>He clears his throat, a little worried it might crack if he tried to talk right away. “Mom wants us to do trap shooting with Rory.” </p>
<p>Kendall looks up, “Right now? I’m a little busy.” </p>
<p>Roman shrugs, “and I’m a little drunk, I don’t think she really cares.” </p>
<p>“I’ll join you in a bit, I’ve got a call in 10 I can’t miss.” </p>
<p>He turns to leave, Shiv leading the way. He catches Gerri sizing him up. He has to bite his tongue to not say something that’d warrant her cutting off his balls. </p>
<p>He chooses instead to tip his head and wink, “Gerri.”</p>
<p>She nods back, “Roman.” </p>
<p>When they’re on the other side of the door, Shiv outright laughs at him. “Very cool man. Sauve.” </p>
<p>“Fuck you.” He’s embarrassed he ever told her about it. He knew he’d end up regretting it, but didn’t realize how fast. </p>
<p>“No really it’s astonishing you haven’t been able to get a girlfriend with such good moves like that.” </p>
<p>“Who said I want a girlfriend.” He says being defiant. </p>
<p>“Your face back there when Jim touched her said an awful lot. Looks like you might have some competition huh?” </p>
<p>They are at the traps and Rory is approaching with gear. “Please shut up.” </p>
<p>“Hey, I’m just trying to help. Let me know if you need me to step in as a wing-man. I’ll be sure to talk up all your finer qualities: punctuality, tact, forgiveness, I discovered that one today, didn't know you had that one in you.”</p>
<p>Rory offers them shotguns, Roman rejects his, choosing instead to sit on the ground and “watch”. Shiv and Rory take turns, Rory offering helpful tips to improve Shiv’s technique. They last about 40 minutes before they're all put out. Kendall never showed up.  </p>
<p>Roman helps Rory clean up, tries his best to start up conversation, but gets little out of the man. In the short time they’ve spent together, Roman thinks Rory might be his new favorite family member. </p>
<p>Out of pure bored, and for something to do other than sit around while everyone else"worked" Roman decides to go for a run. It starts raining within the first 15 minutes he's out, because of course it does, it is April in England. He maintains his pace, enjoying the cooling droplets on his legs and the feeling of his shirt saturating with water. He turns back after a half hour, mud splattered up his calves, hair heavy with water. He's sure he resembles a drowned rat by the time he gets back. Thinking he’s likely to get reamed out for making a mess in the entryway, he enters the house through the kitchen. Pulling off his shoes at the door, and peeling off his sopping shirt. He rings it out over the sink, impressed by how much water the cotton absorbed.  </p>
<p>He’s heads for the back staircase and running directly into Gerri as she's coming down the stairs. She catches herself on him, both hands on his bare chest.  She recovers quickly, stepping back. Roman sees her eyes scan down his body, trying to hid her smile. Her hands slip down his chest before she seems to remember herself and pulls back entirely.</p>
<p>Roman’s face is still flush from the exercise in the cold rain, but Gerri’s hands on his body doesn't help. “It’s raining.” He holds up his shoes and wet shirt. </p>
<p>Gerri, on instinct entirely, reaches out and slides a hand through his dripping hair, “I can see that.” </p>
<p>It makes him shiver. He takes a towards her, “Anything else you’d like to see?” </p>
<p>She shifts away slightly, scanning the hallway. “Are you offering to put on show?” she smirks. “Past experience says I may be underwhelmed.” </p>
<p>“Oh, I didn’t realize there’d be a performance review.” He takes a step closer, crowding her, “I’m ready for any feedback you have. Is my digital portfolio not strong enough? Would you like me to focus more on my oration? Do I need to push harder, drive up our profit centers?” </p>
<p>He’s being childish, but it still makes her smile, which is his favorite thing. He leans in to whisper in her ear, “In that case I may require hands on instruction.” He dips his head and kisses her neck. She turns her head and she catches his lips. </p>
<p>He shifts to press her against the wall, but a noise down the hall stills him. There are heavy footsteps and voices coming their way. Roman winks and sprints up the stairs, leaving a slightly breathless Gerri. From the top of the stairs he can tell it was Shiv’s voice. He grabs clothes and a towel and heads to the shower. </p>
<p>His phone buzzes. </p>
<p>
  <i>We’re going to the pub. Wanna come? </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Just to clarify, we is everybody.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Well not Mom and Rory, all the americans </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He runs a towel over his hair and throws on jeans and a sweater and bounds down the stairs. Tom and Kendall are in the drive. “You coming too, Roman?” Tom asks, holding the keys in his hand like they’re infected. </p>
<p>“Yeah but I’m not fucking driving,” Roman gets in the backseat and waits for them to sort it out. Shiv shows up and apparently drew the short straw. Kendall doesn’t join them, explaining it’d be better for the other car to have someone familiar with the area join them, as if map apps haven’t existed for 10 years. </p>
<p>They grab a table in the corner, Roman takes the end of the booth and Shiv slides in next to him. Tom sits across from Shiv. </p>
<p>Roman thinks they seem better than they have on some previous trips. They had a couple rough years, which he is very surprised they survived, but there are moments when he can tell there is love there. Like when Tom replies something catty to her admonishments or tears off a particularly specific insulting observation about someone they both hate. Maybe love is hating the same things together. They can be sweet too, a tender pat on the back or gentle squeeze between held hands. </p>
<p>Kendall, Jim, and Gerri show up a little later.To his mild disappointment, Ken sits across from him, and Jim and Gerri sit at the other end of the table. Ken nods that way and then heads to the bar, returning with a water and another drink.</p>
<p>“You still secretly love ciders, right?” Kendall says as he offers it. </p>
<p>“It wouldn’t be a secret if I admit it in front of everyone, would it. Yeah, thanks” He takes it and gives him a nod as he takes a sip. </p>
<p>As if the accepted token has given him the courage to start a conversation, Kendall tries for a little more, “So how have things been?” </p>
<p>Roman shrugs, “Good. You?”</p>
<p>Kendall, “Yeah I’m good.” </p>
<p>“Cool,” Roman takes a sip of his cider. </p>
<p>Shiv bumps his shoulder with his, “What do you think Rory gets out of it?” </p>
<p>He’s not sure if it’s the absurdity of the question or how hard of a non-sequitur it is, but he laughs out loud. “I’d rather not think about it Shiv.” Kendall is laughing now too. “Honestly, your penchants for discussing our parents sex lives, disturbing.” </p>
<p>Shiv laughs too, “I’m not, that’s not what I’m talking about, I’m just saying, he’s like a silent, boring man, what in the world is he doing with Mom?”</p>
<p>“You mean why would he subject himself to her, by choice?” Ken suggests. </p>
<p>“Exactly!” </p>
<p>“I’ll reiterate, I think the answer is somewhere between gross and my sanity demands I not think about it.” Roman pleads.</p>
<p>Shiv looks like she’s really considering something, “She’s such a bitch, I bet she’s great in bed. I’ve always got the sense that Dad couldn't keep up with her.”</p>
<p>“Too far!” Kendall’s shaking his head laughing, </p>
<p>Never one to be outshone with outrageousness,  “Tom!” Roman shouts. “Would you fuck our Mom?” </p>
<p>Tom is startled from his conversation with Jim and Gerri at the other end of the table. Jim makes a disgusted face, while Tom looks both disgusted and concerned like he could get the wrong answer, “Respectfully no?” He’s looking at Shiv to make sure he was right.</p>
<p>Roman fakes a shocked look, “I’m gonna tell her you said that.”  </p>
<p>“Oh fuck you,” Shiv pushes him. </p>
<p>“I think it is very nice, they have found love again.” Tom says. </p>
<p>“Tom don’t be gross.” </p>
<p>Roman gets up, goes to the bar, getting himself and Shiv another drink. While he’s waiting for refills he looks back at the table. Shiv is laughing at something Tom is saying. Ken’s even smiling which would have felt like an impossibility a couple of years ago. </p>
<p>When he rejoins them, Kendall is telling a story about Iverson. </p>
<p>He leans over to Shiv, “So if Naomi isn’t here are they still together?” </p>
<p>“I thought so.” She raises her voice, “Hey, where’s Naomi this weekend, she gets a reprieve on all Roy family events?”</p>
<p>“She had a lot of work to do, but basically yes, she’s cautious to attend Roy family gatherings.” </p>
<p>“I can’t imagine why, you think it’s the risk of “accidental” violence or the tendency for someone to end up on a bender?” Roman suggests. </p>
<p>“Well we haven’t truly had a Roy family gathering in close to 4 years then.” Shiv points out. </p>
<p>“I’m sure that’s been disappointing for your therapist.” </p>
<p>“Oh he says since I haven’t been around Dad, I’m a model for well adjusted.” </p>
<p>“So there's no cure for frigid bitchiness then?” Roman pokes and gets a fist to the arm for it. “Owww.” </p>
<p>They continue talking, Shiv informing them of Connor’s most recent disaster. Kendall follows up with his own Connor stories. It feels good. It’s like riding a bike, 30 years of well practiced kicking and punching and laughing at each other. Maybe they’ll never professionally trust each other again, but maybe they never should have in the first place. Roman thinks he probably should have read King Lear at some point. He might have saved them all some time and trouble.</p>
<p>He’s partially listening to Shiv’s story, when he glances down the table at Gerri. She’s listening to something Jim is saying. He’s about to refocus on Shiv’s story when Jim reaches out and touches Gerri’s shoulder as he laughs at his own joke. She’s chuckling. He feels his face get hot. Jim has a smug look like he’s won a prize.</p>
<p>“Rome!” Shiv’s trying to get his attention.</p>
<p>He looks up, “What?” </p>
<p>“Kendall asked if you were seeing someone,” she's a knowing grin on her face. </p>
<p>“Yeah, like you’re not gonna tell Mom, I just thought maybe, there’s gotta be someone?” </p>
<p>“Nope. Sad forty year old single dude.”</p>
<p>“You should see if Willa has any friends she could set you up with.” Shiv digs.</p>
<p>“Yeah cause I’d need help finding an aspiring writer or actress who is just using me for access.”</p>
<p>“Touché.” </p>
<p>“How pissed do you think she was when she saw you got into producing. Hung her hat on the wrong Roy.” </p>
<p>He’s about to reply, but Jim laughs loudly at the other end of the table, clearly finding something Gerri said to be very funny. </p>
<p>“I swear those two are fucking.” Kendall says under his breath. </p>
<p>Roman takes two deep breaths which he exhales through his nose. “Oh yeah?” He tries to keep his tone light. </p>
<p>“I mean it’s Gerri, so probably not, but Jim is desperate for it. I kind of feel bad for him.” </p>
<p>“Karolina said she tried to set her up with a guy from Goldman last year, but she wouldn’t bite.” Shiv adds. </p>
<p>“Baird was weird right? I don’t really remember him, but I figure she has different priorities after that.” Kendall suggests.</p>
<p>Now Jim and Tom are laughing, and Roman thinks he’s had enough. He checks his watch, it’s 6 pm. “Did Mom expect us back at some point for dinner?” </p>
<p>“She said tea was at 7:30 and we’d be wildly disappointed in it, so we might as well come back pissed.” </p>
<p>Roman finishes his drink in one go. “No problem here. Think we should head back?” </p>
<p>She gives him a look like he’s ending the party too soon. “Yeah, if you want. We could head back. Ken could you drive?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah no problem.” He looks to the other end of the table, “Hey guys were gonna head back, there are dinner obligations we have to meet. If you guys want to stay, I’ll drive these guys back.” </p>
<p>Jim’s face lights up, “That sounds fine to me, since we’re already out, might as well grab some grub here, don’t want to put the family out.” He looks at Gerri, “That sound good to you?” </p>
<p>She gives a quick nod, “Yep.” </p>
<p>Roman feels his face flush again, he’s looking directly at her, daring her to look at him. She seems to sense it, because she meets his eyes for a second. Her face is inscrutable which makes him even angrier. He raises his eyebrows, she mirrors, so Roman tilts his head, which she reflects more subtly. Shiv is getting up, pulling his attention. When he looks back, he’s lost her gaze. </p>
<p>“Great, well you guys have a swell evening.” Roman smiles and gestures for Shiv to lead the way to the door. </p>
<p>He gets in the backseat without checking on anyone's places. Tom starts to say something, but Roman just closes his eyes. He’s tired and a little drunk and jealous maybe. Roman is used to wanting things he’s not supposed to. He’s pretty good at wanting things he can’t have. And history proved he’s the best at destroying good things before they start. </p>
<p>This isn’t that, he doesn't think. This is him and Gerri. Gerri, who he kissed not 4 hour earlier and who calls him Rockstar, voice dripping with so much irony but a little bit of excitement. Gerri, who’s insults are so sharp it makes him feel warm. He’s screwed this up before and he doesn’t want to do it again. The only thing he can do now is ignore every one of his instincts.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the long delay!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner was excruciatingly boring. Caroline does her best to pick a fight, but no one is particularly in the fighting spirit. They discuss the plans for tomorrow, Rory’s children will be arriving at 11, they will be having the ceremony at 4 and then dinner. </p>
<p>It’s 9 when they are finally dismissed from dinner. Roman checks his phone, but there’s nothing worthy of a distraction on it. He thinks about heading up to his room, but he knows he won't be able to sleep. He walks out the front door and notices there is still only one of their cars in the driveway. He kicks the gravel, but it’s very unsatisfying. </p>
<p>He heads around back thinking it might feel nice to throw something. All he finds is Kendall, staring into the distance. </p>
<p>Roman spots a football resting on the ground a couple paces away from Kendall. He gets giddy when the idea strikes him, positioning himself silently the best he can. He takes a running start and kicks the ball right into Kendall's ass. </p>
<p>“FUCK!” Ken turns around startled. </p>
<p>Roman throws up his hands, professing his innocence. “Oh sorry I didn’t see you there.” </p>
<p>“Fuck you!” Kendall shouts. He takes a step towards Roman, which makes Roman take a step back. </p>
<p>Suddenly, Kendall is running at him. Roman takes off, juking left and right to avoid him. He never thought about it because no one in the Roy family was ever athletically inclined, but he might be better at this then Kendall. He eggs him on, calling him names, which seems enough motivation for him to finally catch him. </p>
<p>They end up both on the ground in the grass, shouting at each other, which quickly turns into laughter. They end up giving up, laying in the grass. </p>
<p>“You’re such an asshole.” Ken tosses off. </p>
<p>“I know, you must have really missed me.” Roman replies. </p>
<p>“I did.” Kendall says, his voice suddenly honest and clear.</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t have fired me then.” Roman’s partially serious. On the surface, he thinks he’s over it. Everything turned out okay, but it was such a shock to the system, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to trust Kendall or anyone as freely as he once did. It’s probably for the best, a hard lesson learned. </p>
<p>“You know, it felt right in the moment, it felt like the only thing to do, and I was so overwhelmed all the time. And now, when I think about it, I just can’t figure out how I got to that decision.” </p>
<p>“You also offered to buy my company for my board seat.” Roman points out.</p>
<p>“Well it’s been 3 years man, you haven’t shown up for 3 years, and it’s just Shiv saying, she’ll have to talk to you about it, like you guys are some team, just fucking throwing it in my face. I get it, I agreed to be the family pariah, but come on.”</p>
<p>Roman is a little confused how Kendall is somehow the victim here. “You did fire me. You didn’t even do it, you had Gerri do it. You should feel fucking bad about that. That’s not fucking over Dad, that’s fucking over me, I’m not Dad. It was fucking humiliating.” </p>
<p>“Gerri asked to do it, said it would be better coming from legal, she could explain all the bullshit. Hey I know it was shitty, I know that but it was business, it wasn’t a family thing, it was just trying to get credibility back into the company. I didn’t have the experience and Frank wouldn’t stay on, we had to get high level positions filled with respectable Wall Street guys.” </p>
<p>“All that can be true and you can still be a bad brother.” Roman says softly. </p>
<p>“Yeah, fuck me.” </p>
<p>“Yeah fuck you.” </p>
<p>“Well fuck you too.” </p>
<p>“Oh fuck me? Why?” </p>
<p>“You get to be the martyr, everyone in the family feels sorry for you, you get to keep all your best friends secrets and plans shit with Shiv, you’re the one Dad calls, you get to be this fucking phoenix from the Waystar trash fire.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry which one of us is in charge of the third largest media and entertainment conglomerate in the United States? You want to answer Dad’s shitty calls, it’s just him ranting about how everyone's out to get him at 4 am. I’ll be sure to start call-forwarding them to you. I’m not trying to spite you with my success, I needed to do something so I was a little less of a punchline.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” Kendall grits his teeth a little, “ I shouldn't have fired you, but I also know it was good business, and I’m not sure how to square those two things.”</p>
<p>Roman knows it’s probably true. “Gerri asked to fire me?”</p>
<p>“I think she thought it might make you less mad at me? Or like less likely to sue? Was it horrible?”</p>
<p>Roman doesn't like to think back on that conversation. “I just hung up after she said new COO Mike Lin.” </p>
<p>“Guess that works too.”</p>
<p>Roman feels fragile in a way he hasn’t felt in awhile. He decides it may be best to be alone. “Well this has been charming.” He gets to his feet and offers Kendall his hand, pulling him up. Kendall pulls him into an awkward hug. Together they walk back to the front door. </p>
<p>They’re round the corner when a car pulls up the drive, parking next to the other SUV. Looks like Gerri and Jim are back. Kendall stops to wait for them, keeping his arm around Roman shoulder, forcing him to wait too. Gerri gets out, and Jim comes around the car with a stupid smile on his fave. He looks a little surprised to see Kendall and Rome. </p>
<p>“You guys aren’t waiting up for us are you?” Jim jokes, but looks like he might be a little concerned. </p>
<p>“Oh no, Kendall just physically attacked me in the yard. Don’t trust him, he’s a monster,” Roman jokes. </p>
<p>“I’ll take that under advisement.” Jim says seriously. </p>
<p>Kendall gestures for them all to head in, and they follow, Roman bringing up the rear. When they get inside, he hears Gerri softly curse, “Rome, you’re bleeding.” </p>
<p>“What?” he touches his face and his hand comes back wet with blood. “Fucking hell?.”</p>
<p>Kendall looks pretty shocked, “Hey man, no, we were, no, we were just playing around. Here let me help you.”</p>
<p>Gerri gives him a stern look, “Kendall I think you’ve done enough.” </p>
<p>Kendall shrinks at the reprimand, “I’m sorry,” he says suddenly feeling like a child. </p>
<p>Gerri turns to Roman, “Stop touching it.” She bats in his hand away. “Come here.”</p>
<p>He does as he’s told, he thinks he'll following her into the bathroom down the hall, but she’s headed for the stairs. Dutifully, with a little more pep in his step than common for a man with an active facial bleed, he follows her into her room, softly shutting the door behind him.</p>
<p>“Wash your hands,” she directs him and does the same after he finishes. She wets a rag and dabs gently at his forehead. “What the fuck were you guys doing?”</p>
<p>“I was being serious earlier, Kendall laid me out and shoved my face in the dirt.” He winces when she applies more pressure. </p>
<p>“Sounds like something he would do unprovoked.” Her tone is skeptical. </p>
<p>“Gerri, in this century, we believe victims when they tell their stories.”</p>
<p>She’s done cleaning him up, the cut wasn’t deep, but there was a lot of blood. She pulls something out of a bag on the counter and applies it to the cut. Then she's washing her hands again, “Well you can keep your modeling career, it shouldn’t scar.”</p>
<p>“I don't know, a face scar could get me some cred don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, being tackled by your brother on your Mother’s English estate in a scuffle over executive titles, very hardcore.” She’s laughing a little at her own joke. </p>
<p>She’s been in his proximity for awhile and he can finally figure out what has been off. ”You smell different.” </p>
<p>She puts some space between the two of them, “I changed my perfume. I was a gift.” </p>
<p>His mind immediately flashes to Jim and he gets angry before he rationalizes that perfume is much more likely a gift from a friend or at least another woman.</p>
<p>“It’s nice”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she says softly. “I haven’t decided if I like it yet.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to be partial to the old stuff. Scent memories and all that.” He’s smiling at her with a grin that’s borderline goofy.</p>
<p>“You’re so useless, everything in your world is totally derailed by your dick, can't focus on anything else.” The way her lip is turned ever so slightly up tells him she only half believes what she's saying. </p>
<p>“I shouldn’t be worried about this right? You and Ken are going to play nice, no one’s going to have to come up with a lie to explain a black eye or busted lip?” she asks, it seems for a moment like she is going to stroke his face, shadow over his new wound. Her voice even and a little tired, settling for a hand resting on his arm.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t dream of making a scene.” He says, making her frown. “No mommy, I’ll be a good boy.” </p>
<p>“I’m not sure that’s possible.” her frown turning into a smirk. She steps a little closer to him.</p>
<p>He steps forward, closes his eyes for a second and breaths her in, “The plane back from Croatia.” </p>
<p>She looks at his face, “What?” </p>
<p>“A good scent memory. I fell asleep on the flight back from Croatia, you scratched my head,” he’s a little wistful, “the world was falling apart, but you still smelt so good, knew what to do to calm me down. Always so fucking put together.” </p>
<p>“For some reason I keep thinking you’ve got yourself put back together, but fuck, you’re still a fucking mess.” She’s shaking her head, stepping away from him. It’s like a moment of sincerity, genuine affection is a huge turn off.  </p>
<p>“You’re such a bitch, I was being nice. Last time I ever try to compliment you, Jesus.” </p>
<p>“I don’t need compliments Roman.” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, you fill up your punch card at dinner with Jim? Have all the civilized shit you can handle so you have to turn to your little bitch boy? Get your rocks off by kicking me in the balls a couple of times?  You’re the fucking mess.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I think it’s time for bed,” she’s gesturing him towards the bathroom door. He doesn’t know why they keep seeming to rub each other the wrong way. They were once so in tune. She could read him and reflect whatever he needed or wanted. </p>
<p>He wants to whine. With Kendall and Shiv, he feels somehow superior now, the dynamic has changed but making him more of their equal, a stronger player. Maybe he is a martyr. With them he feels all the personal growth and the things he’s accomplished for himself that no one expected. But with Gerri, it's like he’s worse than before, more raw, more sore, more vulnerable. When she wants to play, he’s looking for reassurance, and when he’s trying to be his reckless self, she’s telling him to grow up. </p>
<p>He just stays where he is. He wont whine, but he also won't make it easy on her. This is as much her problem as it is his. If this falls apart, it’s only 50% his fault. He stares at her.</p>
<p>“Roman,” she’s staring right back. </p>
<p>“Gerri.” </p>
<p>She’s brought her glare out in full force, “Let’s go.” </p>
<p>He’s resigned to follow instructions, but he doesn’t have to be a prince about it. He brushes her chest as he passes her out the door into the bedroom. The way she stepped towards him earlier, he knows she’s horny, would have started something if he had said the right things. </p>
<p>He walks towards the door, ready to leave, thinking through the rude shit he’s going to text her once he gets to his room, when he hears voices. He stops, his hand on the door knob. Gerri is watching him, rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>“Do you need a tutorial on how doors work?” </p>
<p>He turns back to her, “I could open this door, I’m cool with that, but Shiv, Kendall, Tom, and possibly your boyfriend Jim are on the other side of it. You want them to see me leaving your room, half chubbed, see if they can catch a peek of you, Ms. Hard Nipped Tits?” </p>
<p>She approaches and obviously takes note of the voices as well, clearly these idiots are just holding court in the hallway. Gerri sighs. </p>
<p>Roman takes the opportunity to look around the room, it’s basically the same as his except a little smaller and more water spaniel themed. The impulse strikes him, Roman goes to sit on end of her bed facing the headboard. </p>
<p>“You must have done something to my mother, this bed is awful.” He moves to lay down across it. </p>
<p>“I always thought Caroline and I got along pretty well. I’ve always liked her the most out of the bunch.” </p>
<p>“You think that’d still be the case if she knew you were fucking me around?” he doesn’t look at her when he says it. She’s still standing across the room from him. </p>
<p>“Honestly, she’d probably like me more.” </p>
<p>“Gross.” </p>
<p>Gerri comes around to the side of the bed to look at him. </p>
<p>“Rory seems nice,” he says patting the bed next to him. </p>
<p>He’s surprised because she moves to join him, sitting on the bed by his feet. “Nice is a word for it.” </p>
<p>He’s a little giddy, sometimes she’ll say something off hand about someone after they’ve left the room and she got feisty with Karl and Hugo. “You hate everyone don’t you.”</p>
<p>She shifts to get more comfortable on the bed, “I don’t hate anyone.” </p>
<p>“Bullshit! You hated the guy dad brought into Parks, remember he lasted like 9 months in like 2000-whenever, I thought you might have had him murdered.”</p>
<p>“Oh, John Youts, yes, I did hate him.” She laughs a little. “He called me doll.”</p>
<p>“Dad’s shitty horse girlfriend, remember her, the Argentinian equestrian.”</p>
<p>“I actually didn't mind her. You might be thinking of Shiv, Shiv hated her.”</p>
<p>“That’s right, god,” he absentmindedly grabs at her foot where it rests against his thigh. He starts to rub it. “Shiv always hated Dad’s girlfriends, especially when we were younger.” </p>
<p>He looks like he’s just put two and two together, “Hey, did you have a favorite, you know, one of us, growing up?”</p>
<p>“Honestly,” she sighs, settling down into the foot massage and looking at him, “I never really thought of you all. Occasionally, on a trip I’d see something and feel bad for you, but I just thought you all were disappointing props.”</p>
<p>He senses she's being honest, it makes sense, he thought the same of her, just corporate stooge, well there was one time... “I jerked off thinking about you once. I was maybe 16. We were in St. Moritz, Connor and Kendall were trying to drown me in the pool, and you were coming out of the sauna in a black one piece and a towel. You yelled at them, something like, “leave him the fuck alone” or something and then turned to me and said “ and Roman for fuck sake, try to be less pathetic.” They let me out and I went back to my room, I came so fast.”</p>
<p>“No surprise there.” she says dryly. Part of her wonders if they should examine that more, but best left for a professional. </p>
<p>He gestures for her to move and give him her other foot. She obliges him. “Just saying, maybe if you had let them kill me, I’d be more well adjusted.”</p>
<p>She laughs at that, “I think you have two dozen more years of trauma to clear up before that’d be the case.” </p>
<p>They talk for a little longer, make jokes about what they think Rory’s kids will be like, he asks about work. His hands move from her feet to her ankles then to her calves. They’re both comfortable having a nice time, his body close to hers, his hand on her knee. If he makes a move he’s pretty sure she wouldn’t rebuff him. </p>
<p>“I should go to bed,” he squeezes her thigh, getting off the bed. She seems a little surprised, but  turns to face him.</p>
<p>“Goodnight Rome.” </p>
<p>“Good night,” he turns away, checking at the door for voices before he quietly slips out of her room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He falls asleep easy. He wakes up pretty hard. His body informs him that he is no longer an age where tackling someone else is appropriate. Roman struggles but succeeds to get dressed for breakfast.  When he makes it downstairs, he finds he’s the last to arrive. He pours himself a coffee and grabs some toast and sits at the farthest seat from everyone else. </p>
<p>Caroline walks into the room, and she stands behind Kendall, hands on the back of his chair. “Rory’s children will be here shortly, they are darling, you’ll hate them all.” She begins her sweep out of the room but stops when she sees Roman, “Ro Ro, you look dreadful. Can you fix yourself please?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ll work on that.” </p>
<p>She sweeps out of the room but effectively drew everyone’s attention to him. </p>
<p>Shiv’s expression is oscillating between curious and suspicious, “What happened to your face?”</p>
<p>“Oh this old thing?” he tries to play it off, “silly ole me, tripped and hit my head.”</p>
<p>“Okay but what really happened?” </p>
<p>He looks at the rest of the room. Kendall is staring very intensely at his phone, clearly hanging on every word, but not willing to step in. Jim is staring at him like he doesn’t understand what is going on. Gerri is looking at Kendall, her expression sad and a little angry maybe, he isn’t sure. </p>
<p>“I was drunk, I fell down,” he says more quietly. Roman knew how to do this, he was the youngest boy, he got picked on a lot, their Dad was prone to rage but not necessarily violence, not willing to admit or apologize.</p>
<p>He cleared his throat, “Sounds like I have to go make myself prettier before I meet my new siblings, here’s hoping they’re better than you limp dicks.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He takes the 40 minutes take a hot shower and lay naked on top of his bed wishing his brain would slow do. It makes him feel a little more human, but his back still protests when he turns or slouches. </p>
<p>When he gets back downstairs, Tom and Shiv are trying to pretend they aren’t arguing.</p>
<p>“Well you look less like death.” Shiv looks him up and down as he approaches.</p>
<p>“Oh can’t disappoint Mummy on her big day, got a new sister and brother to impress,” he jokes. </p>
<p>“There isn’t a chance in hell they like you,” Shiv says, “I’ll be the favorite and then maybe Kendall, you are absolutely last.” </p>
<p>“Well me and my new best friend Rory have built up quite the rapport over the last day, so  I’m sure this instant family bond will be there for them too.” </p>
<p>“You want to bet money on it?” Shiv is excited by the idea of a challenge.</p>
<p>“Betting money, Shiv, don’t be gauche, betting money is for poor people, I want an old school uncontestable, improv rules, yes and, that bitch, style favor.” </p>
<p>“Deal.” Shiv offers her hand to shake.</p>
<p>“How will you guys know who they like better?” Tom asks. </p>
<p>“No one is worried about that, Tom,” Roman laughs. </p>
<p>“No question.” Shiv confirms like Tom is an idiot for even suggesting it. </p>
<p>Tom opens his mouth but Roman interrupts him, “If you dare suggest that they will like Kendall more than us… It’s a fucking impossibility”  Tom closes his mouth and shakes his head, while Shiv laughs. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Caroline gathers them all in the sitting room with strict instructions to “not cock this up”.  They are shortly joined by Rory, James and Sarah. James is a software engineer and Sarah is a general practitioner, so Roman is already bored. They are nicely dressed and wearing genuine smiles that indicate their childhood wasn’t centered around trying to out maneuver one another for Rory’s attention. </p>
<p>They are all offered drinks and there is an uncomfortable expectation of mingling while they wait for lunch to begin. He’s gotten better at this bullshit, it’s now a crucial part of his job, so he’s learned to adapt. His larger than life, bombastic personality has made him entertaining, but not necessarily well liked or respected. Kendall was always the serious one,  Shiv was the smart one, and he was the fun one. Except when Kendall was off the wagon, then Kendall was the fun one, Shiv was the smart one, and he was the bottle of anxiety and self doubt, who was either invisible or a self-destructive tornado. Now he’s mostly somewhere between charming, smug, and aloof.</p>
<p>“Software, it’s great,” Roman says, reaching for something, anything to say. </p>
<p>James chuckles a little, “Yeah, it’s grand. What do you,” he starts to ask and then realizes who he is talking to, “you work for your Dad then?” </p>
<p>“I did and then my brother, sort of, you know, pushed him out, so then I worked for Kendall, but he fired me, so now I work for myself.” He takes a large sip of whatever gin beverage his mother poured for him. </p>
<p>“That’s a...” he just sort of stops talking. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I do other stuff now,” he looks around hoping for a lifeline. “Your Dad is very interesting.”</p>
<p>“Your mother is quite the woman.” </p>
<p>Roman would describe this as a tepid success. He looks across the room and sees Shiv is laughing at something Sarah has said. Fucking bitch of course she is going to win. He excuses himself to James, walks to the bathroom even though he really doesn’t need to go. He hangs around in the hallway, answering a couple of emails. </p>
<p>A familiar laugh pulls his attention away from his phone. It’s magnetic, his pull to her laugh. He follows the voice and finds her in the back of the hallway, outside the office on her phone. He leans against the wall to watch her.</p>
<p>“Maybe next time don’t do that then?” she’s laughing as she says it. “Yeah, I should be back Sunday night. I’m open to dinner next weekend if that works for you, but don’t come into town just for me.” There is a pause, “I love you too, talk to you later.” Gerri says in a tone he’s never heard before. </p>
<p>Hearing her say “I love you” does something to him. It’s like a bolt of lightning to hear it, even if it’s not directed at him. He clears his throat, startling her. </p>
<p>When she looks at him she rolls her eyes, “Creep. You have no sense of privacy do you?” </p>
<p>“How are the girls?”</p>
<p>“Good. Happy, healthy, working, dating complete losers, but what can you do,” she shrugs. </p>
<p>“They inherited your taste in shitty men?” he pokes.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t say that.” </p>
<p>“What would you say?” </p>
<p>“They are very successful in most areas of their lives and they seem to want to suffer subconsciously so they self sabotage by dating men who will hurt them.” She says, looking back down at her phone, “I never had such a problem and have impeccable taste in all things.”</p>
<p>He’s not quite sure if it’s intended to be a compliment, but he’s willing to take it. She’s clearly in a different mood than she was last night, which throws him. He knows he shouldn’t if she’s being nice but he’s preparing a comeback, when he hears his name from the end of the hall, “Roman, lunch!” It’s Shiv and he can hear she’s walking his way, “you might as well forfeit, Sarah is basically in love with me at this point and I think I heard James call you a tosser so…” She trails off when she comes upon them, realizing Gerri is there. “Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.”</p>
<p>“Lunch?” Roman asks.</p>
<p>“We’re sitting down,” she turns, “Hi Gerri.” She says it knowingly and it makes Gerri grimace slightly. </p>
<p>“Hello Siobhan.” Gerri fake smiles the way she always does for the rest of Roys. But she looks at Roman after like she's not happy with him. </p>
<p>“If you'll excuse us, we have to die of boredom at this family luncheon.” Roman theatrically bows, bidding Gerri a good day. </p>
<p>They’re maybe 15 steps away before his phone buzzes. </p>
<p>
  <i>What did you do? </i>
</p>
<p>He’s not really sure how to respond so he leaves it for later Roman to figure out. </p>
<p> </p><p> </p>
<p>He ends up next to Sarah and Kendall. Caroline is holding court but all she seems to be able to talk about is Rory’s children's accomplishments.<br/>
“Sarah and James played rugby.”<br/>
“Sarah and James both studied and live in London.”<br/>
“James plays guitar in a band.”<br/>
“Sarah ran a marathon last year.” </p>
<p>As they are hearing about Sarah’s gap year in Botswana from Caroline, Roman looks around. Shiv looks like someone pissed in her soup, Kendall looks both embarrassed and sad, Sarah and James both look impenetrable. </p>
<p>Right before Caroline begins to start another story about the wonder twins, Roman decides it’s time for some fun, “I gave Lance Bass a hand job in a sketchy loft once.”</p>
<p>That stopped the conversation dead. Shiv and Kendall burst out laughing. Sarah’s attention is peaked, “Lance Bass of N*SYNC?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, it was like 2002?” </p>
<p>Caroline, both jealous of the stolen attention and unhappy she doesn’t understand the joke, interrupts,”I don’t know who that is.” </p>
<p>“He was in a very popular boy band in the late 90’s, early 2000s.” Sarah provides but looks back at Roman and says a little quieter, “What was he like? I was more of a JC girl myself, but still big fan.”  He may be able to win the favorite new sibling award after all.</p>
<p>“High, but like chill high rather than manic high. He had on cargo shorts,” he shivers slightly at the thought. </p>
<p>“How have I never heard about this before,” Shiv says gleefully.</p>
<p>“I haven’t thought about it in years, but thought if we were listing our accomplishments, I just wanted to put that out there.” </p>
<p>“I threw up on Chelsea Clinton’s shoes and ended up curb stomped by the secret service.” Kendall says like it’s a good memory. All the kids laugh. </p>
<p>“I auditioned for the Natalie Portman role in Star Wars movies,” Shiv says. </p>
<p>“Oh yes, remember when Shiv wanted to be an actress?” Roman says excitedly. “We had to go to so many terrible terrible plays.” </p>
<p>“Hey, Kendall was going to be a music producer, DJ, rapper for like ten years,” Shiv slaps back. </p>
<p>“Siobhan, don’t be rude, he is a rapper, he’s performed on multiple occasions.”</p>
<p>Kendall tights and releases his shoulders, “Very funny, yes, I like hip hop, sorry for growing up in New York in the 80-90s.”</p>
<p>Roman turns to Sarah, “We didn’t play any sports, and our educational accomplishments, even if on occasion earned, were basically purchased for us, so all we have are failures or embarrassing stories.” </p>
<p>She smiles politely, “We have plenty of those too, your mother is just being nice.”</p>
<p>“It’s the first time she has children in her home she can be proud of,” Shiv says, eyeing Caroline. </p>
<p>“I am proud of you,” Caroline says, putting on a facade of shock. “I just wish sometimes you’d visit more and make different choices.” </p>
<p>“Really proud then.” Roman says under his breath. </p>
<p>Caroline goes back to telling stories and Roman seems to entertain Kendall and Sarah with mutterings under his breath. They all are dismissed to get washed up and changed for the ceremony. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Roman is just finished shaving, coming out of the shared bathroom across the hall, when Gerri catches him. He doesn’t know if she’s been waiting for him or heard the door opening and checked, but clearly she has her sights set on a conversation. Silently she follows him into his room.</p>
<p>“Yep, cool, come right in,” he says sarcastically. </p>
<p>Her arms are crossed and her eyebrow is arched so he knows she’s ready to fight. She’s staring at him expectantly, like that alone will make him confess. He bets it works on her daughters, ever so desperate to please her. Logan taught his children to lie and slither out of things. He mimics her posture. </p>
<p>“Shiv knows something,” she starts.</p>
<p>“A lot of things, went to school for it and everything,” he doesn’t really know why he’s making this harder, he’s already in trouble why make it worse for himself.</p>
<p>“That’s not what I’m talking about.” </p>
<p>“What are you talking about then?” Roman asks, curious to see if he can get her to put words to it, if she’s willing to acknowledge their predicament. </p>
<p>“What did you tell her?” she steps forward, starting with intimidation tactics.</p>
<p>“Offhandedly, I might have said, I was at some point in love with you and we fucked.” He can’t look her in the eyes. It felt like his to share at the time, seeing her again brought back the anger he felt for her and Kendall. Maybe he did it to spite her or he just needed someone to talk to, either way, now it feels like a betrayal. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” she says softly. He expected her to get mad and yell at him, but she just sits down and doesn’t say anything for a little while. Roman waits for a minute, but then continues to get ready. </p>
<p>He goes over to his closet and pulls out his suit and shoes, when Gerri asks, “Just Shiv?” </p>
<p>He looks up, “Yeah, I don’t know what she’s said to Tom, but yeah just Shiv.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” she sighs. </p>
<p>She’s silent again. He pulls off his shirt and jeans swapping for a white button down and suit trousers. He’s working the buttons of the shirt through when he looks back at Gerri. </p>
<p>He’s never seen her so at a loss, “It was careless, I am sorry. I should have checked with you before sharing it with anyone, I know it affects you just as much as it does me.” </p>
<p>She lifts her head at that, if he’s gauging her right, he thinks she’s surprised and maybe impressed. “I don’t think I’ve heard a Roy ever apologize.”</p>
<p>“Well personal growth, accountability and all that fucking good stuff.” Roman says with a shrug. He’s tucking his shirt into his pants, grabbing his tie. </p>
<p>Gerri gets up and meets him at his closet as he is raising his collar, “Let me.” </p>
<p>She wraps her arms around his neck, sizing the ends just so. “It wasn’t real, when you asked before, I thought it’d be a one night thing and I wouldn’t see you again, you didn’t text or call, I figured that was it.” </p>
<p>“It’s real.” </p>
<p>“Okay, there will be rules, but for now, yes.” </p>
<p>His heart is pounding, this is not where he thought this conversation was going. “Yes?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>He leans down and kisses her, it’s softer, sweeter than she expects.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've been terrible about posting lately, please forgive me!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He gives her a couple of pecks between smiles. She puts a hand on his chest and gently pushes him back. Smiling at each other, like they both agreed to the same conspiracy. </p>
<p>Gerri’s smile softens, “There will be rules.”</p>
<p>“Of fucking course there will be.” </p>
<p>“I am not saying make them now or it’s contingent on this, but I’d <i>suggest</i> a moratorium on telling anyone.” </p>
<p>“Oh here I was thinking you’d want to just go down there and do a double wedding with Rory and Mummy.” He’s joking but she still looks stricken by the idea, “No, I know, I’m okay with that.”</p>
<p>“We have a lot to figure out,” she suggests, her hands sliding up to his shoulders.</p>
<p>“Like you’d be Shiv’s god-mother and sister-in-law?” he’s got a devilish smirk. </p>
<p>“I was thinking more geographically and boundaries, but yes that is something we may struggle with.” </p>
<p>He kisses her, deeper this time, but is interrupted by a knock on the door. “<br/>
“Roman, open up.” It’s Kendall.</p>
<p>He tries to ignore it, focused on something much more interesting than Kendall’s whining. Gerri pulls back and shakes her head. He attempts to re-engage but she dips back and gives him a shove towards the door. He sees her calculating how to position herself so she wont be scene if he opens it up. </p>
<p>“What’s up cumstain?” he asks as he opens the door just as wide as his body.</p>
<p>“Mom said she’d prefer us in blue ties, which of course was not specified before we arrived in a foreign country. Do you have one for yourself and then I guess an extra?” </p>
<p>“Yes for myself, see,” he mockingly proudly shows off his tie, “but no extras, sorry, maybe your new brother James has an extra? This could be such a good bonding moment for the two of you.” </p>
<p>Kendall, disappointed, is staring at Roman’s tie, “Since when do you tie a full windsor?” </p>
<p>“It’s a special occasion, since when do you not carry an extra blue back up tie?” </p>
<p>“Fuck off.” Kendall turns, likely to knock on Shiv’s door to ask Tom. </p>
<p>Roman turns back to Gerri, checking his watch, “We have 35 minutes.”  Raising an eyebrow and smirking wide he steps towards her. “What ever will we do with ourselves?”</p>
<p>He’s loosening his tie, taking her in. “You’re incorrigible, aren’t you?” she’s stepping to him though.  </p>
<p>“You never got around to breaking me in. All stick no carrot. If I’m incorrigible, it’s your fault.” </p>
<p>“All stick no carrot? You’re more fucked in the head than I thought if that is what you think discipline is.”</p>
<p>“I’m not talking about the times you made me cream my pants, I’m talking about all the times you hung up on me,” he steps forward, unbuttoning his shirt, “sent me from your room,” he pulls his shirt from his pants, “ignored my texts.”  He’s in her space now. “You weren’t rewarding me for shit on those calls. That was just as much for you as it was for me.” </p>
<p>Part of her couldn’t deny that. He’s leaning in, but still too timid to go all the way. She finishes the job, claiming his mouth. It’s the most aggressive kiss they've ever shared. The data set isn't huge, they were fairly chaste in the first go round. </p>
<p>_____</p>
<p>Their first kiss was quick, interrupted but not in the right place and the right time. They were in the sitting room at Logan’s apartment, Kendall and Logan were having it out in his office. There’d be a very loud declaration every now and again but there wasn’t enough context for them to follow from outside of the room. They’d been working both sides for the last month, day and night trying to get Logan or Kendall to blink so they could establish some stability. </p>
<p>He hadn’t slept in what felt like months, he knew Gerri was the same. He’d been splitting time between the office and with Logan, trying to find Kendall's weaknesses.  Gerri was the same but with Kendall, identifying the best strategy for Logan’s removal. He did his best to stay out of Gerri’s office, they’d catch up on sporadic nightly calls, exchanging their intel and assessing who they should back. After much probing and pushing, they convinced all parties to meet and play out the inevitable fight. </p>
<p>Roman was tired and anxious and bored and excited. Energy vibrated through his body, making it difficult to sit still, his leg bouncing unevenly. </p>
<p>“Rome,” she said softly, catching his attention.</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>She places her hand on his mid-thigh, “You’re going to have to relax.” </p>
<p>His body did what it was told, he relaxed under her touch. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did it. When he opens them again and looks over at her, she looks tired, but maybe a little happy too. Something he can’t describe compelled him forward, and he pressed his lips to hers ever so briefly. When he pulls back, he just stares at her, studying her reaction. She shifts to face him better. He pulled his leg up, turning his entire body to face her. His hand reached out to touch her cheek, waiting for permission. </p>
<p>A loud crash from the office broke the spell. Logan had thrown a decanter onto the ground at Kendall’s feet. Roman rushed in after that, breaking it up and sending everyone home. They never acknowledged the kiss, but the seal was broken.</p>
<p>______ </p>
<p>There’s a heat behind the kiss like he’s trying to pour everything he’s felt for the last three years into it. They’re night in New York was so reverent, they were coming back together for the first time in so long. This is their real feelings, their real dynamic. He’s crowding her so she has no place to go but onto the bed. Gerri sits on it, maintaining the kiss, nipping at his bottom lip. </p>
<p>Roman is a little cautious to climb over her like he wants to, but Gerri must sense it, “You’re chickenshit.”</p>
<p>He presses on, pushing her back farther up the bed and joining her. “Fuck you.” His smile is too big for there to be any malice behind it. He shifts up, removing his shirt and tugging at the bottom hers to do the same. </p>
<p>“Your family is downstairs. Your sister is next door.” It’s a warning but also a tease.</p>
<p>“Well I’ll just have to make you scream now wont I,” he dips his head down, braces a hand next to her head and kisses her sweeter than before. </p>
<p>“Any interesting thought,” she says when they break for air, she has an eyebrow lifted, as if to say there is no making her do anything she doesn’t want. </p>
<p>“They think you’re so prim and proper, cool as a fucking cucumber,” he’s pulling her skirt down her legs. “But here you are seducing a young man,” his hands slide back up her legs, “and under his mother’s roof nonetheless,” taking her underwear down. “To think, if they found out the things you’ve said to me, late at night, breathy, needy,” he’s touching her now, too gentle to do anything with. </p>
<p>“Fucking useless slug,” challenging him.</p>
<p>He gives her a little more of what she wants, providing more pressure. “You’ll never let me win will you?” he asks. </p>
<p>“Where’s the fun in that?” she responses, but is cut short by a gasp as his mouth is now on her, providing the stimulation she wanted so desperately. </p>
<p>It’s astonishing to her after all the rumors and complaints she’s heard from his ex-girlfriends that he is any good at this. But he seems to be practiced, skilled even, and well attuned to the responsiveness of her body. It’s the first time she’d ever call him patient, focused, diligent. He teases, playful as ever, but understands when her hand tightens in his hair, presses closer. It makes her genuinely curious if he’s good or just good at it for her. </p>
<p>She doesn’t scream, it’s not in her nature and she can’t boost his ego in such a way. She just grips his hair tightly, exhales, and shudders out her orgasm. Roman pops up, wiping his face with the back of his hand, looking pleased with himself. </p>
<p>He flops down next to her, attempting to get his pants off like they are fire. Gerri is still rushing from her peak, the adrenaline and serotonin giving her little reason to care what Roman was up to.  His clipped moan brings her back to herself. She turns to him, facing his side, taking him in. She reaches out and slows his hand. Roman groans, her hand on his wrist turning him on more, but slowing his climb. Opening his eyes, he shifts his face so they’re almost touching. He expects her to be smirking, a challenge to perform better than she expects, but her eyes are dark. </p>
<p>“Fuck,” he throws his head back, closing his eyes again. </p>
<p>“What do you want?” her voice is low and thick, “Tell me.” </p>
<p>“Please,” he begs.</p>
<p>“Use your words, prove you’re not just a dick and good hair.”</p>
<p>“Please,” it still comes out like a whine. “Touch me.” </p>
<p>She leans in, stealing a kiss, and slides her hand from his wrist, and takes over for his hand. She just holds him at first, refuses to move, making Roman moan against her mouth. His hips cant forward, getting what he needs without asking, earning him a sharp bite on his lower lip in return. </p>
<p>There’s a knock on the door. Gerri’s hand instinctively covers his mouth with her free hand. </p>
<p>“Ro, we’re all heading down.” It’s Shiv. Gerri’s hand over his mouth releases pressure but her other hand tightens. It  makes him choke on a moan. </p>
<p>“Okay.” His says when he thinks he can bear it but voice actually cracks when he says it, like he’s fucking 14. He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself, “I’ll be down,” Gerri starts moving her hand at just the pace he needs, “soon.” He basically screams it. He turns his head into the pillow and spills into Gerri’s hand. </p>
<p>“Fuck you.” He says it to his pillow. It earns him another squeeze when he’s much too oversensitive making him yelp. </p>
<p>He wants to curl up, little spoon and sleep for a decade, but he has to go watch his mother get re-married. Gerri is already off the bed, picking up his abandoned tee from yesterday off the floor, cleaning her hand on it. She looks down at him, “On with it,” she’s hushed. </p>
<p>“Too good, you broke me, why don’t you go down and tell them I’m too fucked out to join them. Your hands are magic.” </p>
<p>“Roman,” his eyes snap to her, it’s her warning voice. “Up.” </p>
<p>He stretches, making a show of it. He stands and slides his pants back up, reaching out for the shirt he discarded on the chair earlier. When he finishes dressing he presents himself to her as if there is a required inspection. “How do I look? Like I’ve been fucking the company lawyer for the last 20 minutes?”</p>
<p>She grimaces at him, unimpressed. “You actually look pretty terrible, but there’s nothing to do about it now.” </p>
<p>“Oh how I’ll miss your compliments when we get back home,” he says offhandedly. It’s the first time either of them has acknowledged the complications their future contains. The smile on his face falters a little, and he can see she’s also thinking about how much is left to sort out. He wants to say something to make it better, but all he comes up with is, “I could still kidnap you.” </p>
<p>“What a charming offer, we won't have to worry about it at all if your mother kills you for being late, shoo!” she starts pushing him toward the door. He follows the instructions but deliberately slows down at the door, waiting for Gerri to catch up. He kisses her cheek, suddenly very chaste. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He skips down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Kendall and James are posted up outside the back door. He’s not sure what he pictured for Caroline’s second wedding, but certainly something more like Shiv’s then the un-manicured backyard of her house. </p>
<p>“Hey we’re just about ready I think.” Kendall says. </p>
<p>“So we’re doin’ this huh? Lame. Cool. Okay, see ya out there champ.” Roman pats Kendall's arm and reluctantly grabs a seat next to Tom. </p>
<p>Tom leans over and whispers so loudly he might as well be talking at normal volume. “Kendall borrowed a tie, did you know about Caroline’s tie plans? I’m just happy I brought options.” </p>
<p>“No Tom, I didn’t know about the tie rules.” </p>
<p>“Neither did I.” </p>
<p>“Good talk Tom.” If ever there was a time to have sunglasses he could just put on to ignore everything now would be that moment. </p>
<p>Shiv leaned over Tom, “You look like shit.” </p>
<p>“Oh thank you so much, so do you.” he replies, followed by a “bitch” under his breath. </p>
<p>“Sarah and I exchanged numbers, by the way, so we can start talking about that favor you are going to owe me.” He thinks it’s just like Shiv to gloat before she’s actually won the competition, but his head is still a little fucked from his activities upstairs that he doesn’t really care. </p>
<p>A small Anglican priest comes out and stands before them. Rory and James join him, and then Kendall walks their mother down “the aisle” as it is. It’s quick, painless. This British lot aren’t much for overt emotion or the usual flowery platitudes. He’s been to a lot of weddings. Too many if he’s honest. He usually brings dates who squeeze his hand during vows and get weepy over people they don’t know. It was usually difficult for him to pay attention. He remembers standing up for Kendall and Shivs wedding, how bored he was. </p>
<p>It never struck him to think about what his wedding would be like. He’s proposed a few times, with various degrees of intention, but he never thought about the actual day. It’s gross, the display of it all. </p>
<p>Considering for a moment, Roman thinks about what he’d want, given the right person, but something stops him from digging deeper. As if he could curse it all by just the thought. If he did think of it, which he’s not, he thinks it might be like this or smaller. Not in some bullshit backyard, and not on some beach or in some forest like all his dumbfuck college friends have done. Somewhere that matters to them. Maybe they could steal the yacht or her apartment. Just her daughters or maybe no one else if she never lets them tell anyone, but it doesn't matter because he’s not thinking about it. </p>
<p>It’s short, not a wet eye in the yard. They’re herded into the garden for photos, for which they all dutifully smile in their dumb blue ties. There’s a reprieve when they are all ushered back into the house for drinks. </p>
<p>“What a lovely ceremony don’t you think?” </p>
<p>He looks at Tom, “The loveliest Tom, the absolute loveliest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, Jesus Christ man.” </p>
<p>“Hey,” Shiv warns.</p>
<p>“Sorry, it’s weird,” Roman holds up his hands in retreat. </p>
<p>“It’s weird.” Shiv agrees, “Like I’m happy she’s happy.” </p>
<p>“We’re all happy she’s happy.” Agreeing to agree on the right thing to agree on.</p>
<p>“But it’s weird.” </p>
<p>“It’s weird,” he says, drawing out the last word. </p>
<p>“And don’t get me wrong, Rory is much better than Marcia in my book.” </p>
<p>“No fucking way,” he says sarcastically, “Shiv, everyone's better than Marcia in your book.” </p>
<p>She gives him a nasty look, “but it’s still weird.” </p>
<p>She shakes her head as if to dispel the thought. Turning to him she asks,“How are you getting back tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Commercial.” </p>
<p>“Want to come back with us instead?” </p>
<p>He thinks about it. The only real benefit would be spending more time with Gerri. He’d have to land in New York. </p>
<p>“I’m going to the West Coast.” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah cause it’s so hard to catch a flight from New York to LA. You have to get back right away? You could stay in New York for a couple of days. Come into the office, we could go see dad.” </p>
<p>“That’s a lot of things.” </p>
<p>“Ro, you’ve been away for a long time,” her voice is softer now. </p>
<p>“I’m not coming back.” </p>
<p>“I know but it’d be nice, you know to see you.” </p>
<p>He gets a smile, “You can say it, you know?"</p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“That you miss me.” He pokes her for good measure to show he’s teasing. She bats his hand away and they scrap a little. </p>
<p>“Stop that you two,” Caroline says as she enters next to them. </p>
<p>“Shiv started it,” he says sweetly, throwing Shiv under the bus. </p>
<p>Caroline pats his cheek, “I’m sure she did.” Roman grins at Shiv like he’s won some perpetual fight. </p>
<p>“Fuck off,” she says under her breath. </p>
<p>They mingle for a while, have a quiet, celebratory dinner, and bid their new step-siblings, step-father, and mother farewell as they head off. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The three Roy siblings somehow end up alone in their mother’s kitchen with a bottle of rum, passing back and forth between Shiv and Roman. </p>
<p>“Two truths and a lie!” Shiv suggests.</p>
<p>“What fun a game with no winners, you can go first.” </p>
<p> “You start, I insist.” </p>
<p>“Already having so much fun,” he says sarcastically, “Okay, I’ve been held hostage, I didn’t brush my teeth for 6 years, my favorite food is cabbage.” </p>
<p>“Disgusting. 6 years, Rome, it’s a miracle you have teeth.” </p>
<p>“So I take it you don’t think that's the lie.” He passes her the bottle of rum. </p>
<p>“Cabbage.” Kendall says from across the room. </p>
<p>“Fine, you got me, I’m not a cabbage guy. Looks like it’s your turn bro.” </p>
<p>“Okay well, once in college I jerked off Stewie, I shit the bed, literally, at Nan Pierces house, I have a collection of over 100 knicked lighters.”</p>
<p>Roman takes it all in and then looks to Shiv and back to Kendall, “Please say it’s the lighter collection, I want so badly for those other things to be true.”  </p>
<p>“It’s not though right, there is no way you shit yourself and we didn't hear about it.”</p>
<p>Kendall smiles at the power he holds.”The collection started in high school, it's a box of like over 400.” </p>
<p>“Jesus, why is it that you keep all the best stuff to yourself.” Roman chastises.</p>
<p>“Your turn Shiv.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I used to spit in dad’s whiskey, I once made out with cousin Emerson, we’re trying for a baby.”</p>
<p>Kendall speaks first, “Ummm, okay, so, yeah,”</p>
<p>“No fucking way you kissed Emerson,” Roman proclaims confidently, “he’s way too cool for you.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I didn’t mean any offense by it, but he gave me a leather jacket when I was 9, bloody brilliant.” </p>
<p>Kendall smiles and nods. </p>
<p>“A baby Wabs-ya-gams huh?” Roman says, “That child will have the worst complexion, seriously, they child you two create will be so pale they’ll have to make a documentary about it, “Little Whitey Wambsgans”. But yeah, good luck, congrats, a kid, fucking hell.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Rome.” She says it with a degree of question, like she's genuine and knows he’s somewhere near genuine. </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, Shiv that great, you’re gonna be a great mom,” Kendall says.</p>
<p>“I wouldn't go that far, but hopefully be a little better than the last generation. And I’m not actually pregnant yet, it's just we're trying.” </p>
<p>He wants to say something, share something real, but knows it will ruin everything. They don’t hug this time, but it would seem they’ve had their fill of emotional conversation, all deciding simultaneously it’s time for bed.</p>
<p>He gets to his room and is a little disappointed. It’s not incredibly late but he wonders if Gerri is still up. </p>
<p><b>Here I thought I’d come back to you begging for more, waiting for me in my room </b> </p>
<p>The response comes quicker then he expects which is a good sign in his book. </p>
<p>
  <i>You have quite the fantasy life.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <b>I’ll tell you all about it if you come to my room. </b>
</p>
<p>
  <i>I think we’ve played with fire enough this weekend. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You love it. </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>My bed is so much better than yours, think about how much better sleep you'll get. </b>
</p>
<p>
  <i>The comfort might be better, that doesn’t mean I’ll sleep better considering you’ll be there. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <b>We’ll lock the door, you can set a stupid early alarm, I’ve got something for every excuse so, you either want to spoon this hot body or your tryna stay in with your water spaniel art.</b>
</p>
<p> <i>Giving it some thought haven’t you... </i><br/>
<i>When is your flight tomorrow?</i></p>
<p>
  <b>I’ve been offered a ride back with the fam. I’m considering it, otherwise it’s 215.</b>
</p>
<p>The three dot, typing bubble pops up and then disappears, she still hasn’t responded 2 minutes later.</p>
<p>
  <b>It was also suggested I stay in New York for a minute. Come by the offices.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <i>You’re considering their offer? </i>
</p>
<p>It gives him an idea, he puts his phone down. He ignores it when it buzzes again. Roman waits. He brushes his teeth and washes his face. It takes roughly 5 minutes, but there’s a soft knock on his door. </p>
<p>He opens the door to a tired and impatient Gerri in a robe over her pajamas and house slippers. She doesn't ask for permission, just pushes past him. She waits for the door to shut before speaking.</p>
<p>“You can't be thinking of selling.” She sounds irritated, like he’s planning something stupid which will just make her life harder. </p>
<p>“To Waystar? No.” He’s smiling, this feels like the first time he’s successful predicted what Gerri would do. She’s so good at knowing exactly what he needs at any given moment, it makes him feel a little inadequate. Her mind is typically such a mystery to him. But float a bad business idea past her, he knows he’ll get her attention. </p>
<p>She looks surprised, “Okay, so what are you up to?”</p>
<p>Roman walks past her and sits on the end of the bed, “Maybe it’s time for me to come in from the cold.” He shrugs, “Shiv and Tom are trying for a baby, Kendall and his kids are doing better, him and Naomi are doing well, Dad’s gone nutty. There is something to be said for being around for that.” He’s looking at his knees, he’s stuffed his hands beneath them for comfort. “There are other reasons too.” </p>
<p>“Are you talking permanently or just visiting?” Gerri has moved to leaning back against the wall, directly in front of him. It feels a little like there are two conversations happening at once. </p>
<p>“A couple of days, I have plenty of work that I have to get to LA for, and then I'll be in France and Spain for a couple weeks.” He looks up at her, “But in a couple of months, I don’t know, I could work something out. If it made more sense for me to be in New York, more often or maybe all the time.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” her face is unreadable. </p>
<p>“Okay?”</p>
<p>She pushes off the wall behind her, shifting her weight, drifting towards the door. </p>
<p>“‘I’m not going to beg, but for the record, you could join me.” He pats the duvet, next to him. </p>
<p>She hesitates, just looking at him. She’s not wearing her glasses. It makes her look more relaxed but endlessly more tired. She smirks a little, “I like it better when you beg.” </p>
<p>It sparks something in Roman. He pulls his legs up, getting to his knees, sitting on his heels. He gestures with his hands for her to come to him. She raises an eyebrow and tilts her head just slightly. He gestures again, but she still doesn’t move. </p>
<p>“I’m on my knees,” he says, trying to goad her, it doesn't work, all he gets is a slow blink.</p>
<p>It’s silly and sexy, but mostly silly the games they fall into. He’d go to his grave saying she started it all, she subconsciously wanted to play with him. After the calls started he started watching her, following her with his eyes when they were in the same room. She doesn't talk to anyone else the way she talks to him.</p>
<p>Office Gerri is cut-throat as they come, but it means she’s a survivor. She listens, gives sensible, smart advice, but also follows orders, is restrained in her replies and hardly ever gives anyone grief. He’s watched her coach Kendall and Shiv, it’s all kid gloves and appeasement. He doesn't know if it’s because she never thought he’d get the top job or because something else, but she never talked to him like that. Maybe she's just that good and knew he wouldn’t respond to it. </p>
<p>“Come here,” it’s less confident. She just shakes her head but she doesn’t make a move to leave. She’s trying to get him to work it out, but he isn’t in the mood for their normal game. The initial spark he felt is now mixing with his concerns about what it means to go back to LA. Things feel good, he’s getting along with his siblings, his mother is happy, Gerri agreed to figuring out what they’ll agree to be. He doesn’t really feel like being called a “shriveled useless dick” when he feels so whole and like tomorrow is going to be a come down.</p>
<p>He changes his position so he’s farther up the bed and shifting his weight back so he is sitting on his butt, his legs out in front of him. “Would you like to stay?”</p>
<p>Gerri, as she always does, adjusts. She stands up a little straighter. “Are you okay?” She asks it softly but her tone is genuine. She steps forward but does not reach him.</p>
<p>“I’m tired.” </p>
<p>“You look like it.”</p>
<p>He didn’t realize he’s so fragile until she says it and it snaps. It’s like his body has given out, he collapses backwards. He lays there in silence for a moment, lifts his torso up enough to remove his shirt and starts on removing his pants. He’s kept his eyes closed and is expecting to hear the door softly open and shut, but it doesn't happen. Instead the bed dips on his left side. He opens his eyes to see her sitting beside him. </p>
<p>“Hi,” she says softly, reaching out to push his hair off his forehead. </p>
<p>“Hi,” he breaths.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” it’s more serious than the last time.</p>
<p>“I was fine, when I was gone because I didn’t have to care  and now I’m here and it’s just a reminder of how much I missed out on.,” his voice is soft but rough. </p>
<p>“You’re pouting because Kendall is mildly competent at his job now and Shiv is thinking about having a child with her scarecrow husband? What am I missing here Rome?”</p>
<p>“I don’t fucking know,” he sighs, “what if I fucked up and shouldn’t have left?”</p>
<p>Gerri doesn’t really understand what is happening or how they got here,  “Okay?” She’s seen him mopey and sad and hesitant but never this maudlin. It has been three years since they’ve spent  any real time together, so he might just be moody now.</p>
<p>“We’re playing a game, I get it, it’s fun and sexy in certain ways, but fuck Gerri, I’ve got to try and corporate mindfuck you to get you to come to my room and the  seven layer chess to get you to stay?” He’s fidgeting and his lack of clothing is making him colder than he expected.  “Everyone’s gonna be re-married with double kids before I figure my shit out or can get you to even hold my hand in public.”</p>
<p>“So we’re having a couple conversations here, I’m just trying to get on the same page.” She puts a hand on his bare thigh, “You’re upset, because everyone in your family is doing alright right now, a probable side effect of your father being excised from your lives, but you’re also mad at me because you said you invited me over and I didn’t jump at the opportunity?” She rubs his leg gently to soften the blow of her word. </p>
<p>“When you say it like that I sound like a fucking child.” </p>
<p>She smirks a little at him, her eyes saying he indeed is acting like a fucking child. “Roman, you’re almost 40. You’re not a child, but yes, emotionally I think you’re struggling here.” </p>
<p>She stops rubbing his leg. “What do you want?” Her gaze is locked on him, showing both her strength and concern.</p>
<p>“I wanted to be the COO to your CEO, I want to be able to hang out with Kendall and not think about when he ruined all of my plans, I want to spend time with Shiv and not worry about the next terrible piece of family drama she’s going to drop on me, I want to believe when you said you’d give this a chance you meant it and weren’t just placating me to have fun in the moment, or figuring it’d be a call every now and again and a quarterly visit.” He closed his eyes at some point in  his speech, too scared to keep eye contact.</p>
<p>She reaches out, strokes his forehead and runs her nails through his hair. “Rome, we can’t change what’s already done.“</p>
<p>He squeezes his eyes shut tight, “I want to get a chance to be happy and normal, and I want to know you again.” He opens his eyes finally, meeting hers.</p>
<p>Gerri smiles, her voice is lighter, “I can assure you, I’m the same person I’ve always been.” She pushes him over, so she can sit next to him with her back against the headboard. “What do you want to know?” </p>
<p>“How’s work been?” Which earns him a little chuckle.</p>
<p>“Fine, honestly it’s lost a lot of the excitement and it used to have, your father was a lot of things, but boring was not one of them.”</p>
<p>Roman rests his head on her thigh, “Do you miss him?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes, he was funny and mean in a way that I miss on occasion, but I don’t miss the paranoia or intermittent psychopathy which resulted in cases of  Boar on the Floor or the crueler of his mind games.” She starts gently scratching his head. “Do you?”</p>
<p>“Honestly, no. I feel bad about it, but it was a constant bad deal. Every time I think about a good time we had, I just remember sitting in that car, listening to him say he didn’t ever touch me, meanwhile I’m rolling my tongue over a brand fucking new tooth, and I just sat there, staring out the window agreeing with him. How many times did we do that over the years? Just absolve him of any sin.”</p>
<p>She pats his shoulder, a weak gesture of comfort. “Are you seeing anyone? A professional?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s amazing  the difference it makes when you show up to do the work.” </p>
<p>“They teach you that in management training?” </p>
<p>He laughs, he hadn’t thought about management training in quite some time. “All I got out of management training was carpal tunnel from jackin it to your voice.”</p>
<p>“What’s your favorite holiday?” he asks, looking up at her. </p>
<p>“Hanukkah probably. Baird loved it, we used to have a pretty great party every year. It was the only time we really tried to be all together.” There is a wistfulness in her voice. </p>
<p>“I remember those parties. Kendall and other kids used to pay me to eat gelt with the foil on.”</p>
<p>“How charming.” </p>
<p>“What was Baird like?” Roman doesn’t remember the man very well, he knew he had a weird affinity for tortoises and he remembered him being pretty tall, but everyone is tall next to Gerri.  </p>
<p>Gerri frowns, “I don’t know, he was clever, generous, a really good father, endlessly patient.”</p>
<p>Roman stops himself from finding himself lacking for any of those traits. He wonders how she would describe him. </p>
<p>“We met at school and were a great fit, built a life together, there were compromises and difficulties, but I wasn’t prepared for him to just be gone.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he says softly and thinks he genuinely means it. </p>
<p>“Oh it is what it is.”  She yawns just after she says it. “We should get some sleep.” </p>
<p>“I want to know what happens next.” He looks up to her, curled into her side, him in just his underwear, while she’s overdressed in a robe and pajamas. They make quite the picture. </p>
<p>“We muddle through.” She stands up and he thinks she might finally be leaving, but she’s pulling off her robe and setting it on a chair. Pretty soon she’s pulling the duvet back and slides into bed, so he scrambles to do the same, facing the ceiling as she’s turned on her side.</p>
<p>“I wanted to call you so many times, good times, bad times, someones said something unworldly stupid. It has to mean something that I could never get you out of my head no matter how hard I tried.” He looks over and Gerri has on a sweet smile.</p>
<p>“It was the same for me. But I did in fact reach out, and you never replied, you aren’t the only one with pain to overcome here.” She leans over and lightly kisses his cheek, “Get some sleep Rockstar.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Rating change to what it probably should have been to begin with.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He wakes up to the sound of a door softly shutting. Blinking, he looks over at the other side of the bed only to find it empty. He rolls to “her side” and breathes in her pillow feeling warmth spread in his belly. Roman checks his phone, finding nothing but work he tosses it aside. One day, he hopes to wake up next to the woman he’s gone to bed with, but it seems that’s entirely up to her. </p><p>He pulls himself out of bed and into the bathroom across the hall, jolts himself with cold water into more of a functional state. Back in his room, he pulls out a casual plane outfit of black shirt and black jeans and throws everything into his bag. There is an art to travel packing which Roman has never mastered. Every trip he always just comes back with crumpled clothes that have to be sent out to the cleaners for pressing. It’s a miracle if the last two days of any trip he has an article that isn’t wrinkled. The only useful thing Frank ever taught him was how best to manage using a hotel laundry service. </p><p>With his bags packed he meanders downstairs to see if he can find a light breakfast and verify the Royco itinerary. Kendall and Jim are having coffee in the dining room when he arrives, both in suits like they are ready to woo a fat client. </p><p>“Morning gents,” greeting the room.</p><p>“Hey bro,” Kendall says, sporting the expression he usually saves for when he’s confronted with something before he was ready for it. </p><p>“What’s up?” Roman offers.</p><p>“Nothing, we’re just talking shop, ready to get back stateside.” Kendall is fidgeting a little more than is reasonable for the conversation. Roman wonders if he’s even gotten any better at being CEO from the old days if he still struggles this hard to lie. The benefit of the doubt is he just sucks this hard at it with family. </p><p>“You’re acting like you’ve got a vibrator up your ass turned up to 11. What is up?” Roman counters.</p><p>“We got a call a little while ago, Felix, one of the major investors was looking to have a meeting and come to New York, Jim suggested we’d just bring him along on our jet.” </p><p>“So I’m uninvited to the dance?” Roman says sarcastically. </p><p>“No, not that, it’s just, it’s a delicate thing with Felix and it would honestly be great if we had like a good unified front, us kids, for him to see, but if it’s not that, it could be really damaging, you know?” Kendall hasn’t held Roman’s eye for more than a millisecond as he prattles on. </p><p>“100% kumbaya, my brother, kumbaya. I’ll even cuddle with Tom if that’s what ya need.” </p><p>“Great, okay,” he exhales loudly and looks to Jim, who looks a little dismayed, “well that’s settled then. I think we’ll leave here at about 11.” </p><p>Roman gives an over eager thumbs up and heads off to the kitchen where he finds Gerri pouring herself a cup of coffee. He wants nothing more than to crowd her from behind, give her a little goose, and kiss the surprise off her face but he knows there are rules, which likely forbid it. </p><p>“Well good morning Gerri, you look well rested and ready to bitch slap the day.” He’s smiling his best smile for her. </p><p>She turns to look over her shoulder at him just slightly, “Roman. You hear about the slight change of plans regarding the flight manifest?” </p><p>“Just got done being briefed, I’m to be on my best brotherly love behavior, you think I’ve got it in me?” he takes a step towards her reaching past her to grab a coffee mug. </p><p>“I stopped doubting your competency long ago, it’s your intentions I worry about now.” </p><p>He purposefully brushes her hand when he takes the coffee off her hands. “Oh I aim to please,” he says with a smirk. Gerri is looking at the doorway. </p><p>“I guess I can’t disagree with you there.” Coffee in hand Gerri leaves him in the kitchen alone. </p><p>When he gets back in the dining room, the gang’s all there. Gerri, Kendall, Shiv and Jim are all taking strategy, while Tom listens from the outside.  Roman briefly thinks he’d be better off taking the commercial flight if this is how they’re going to be for the next 8 hours.  But there is the possibility of getting Gerri to invite him over once they get to New York, and that sounds better than flying home to LA alone. </p><p>He grabs his bag from his room, throws on a bomber jacket and works from his laptop in the library while they wait to head to the airfield.<br/>
Shiv comes to get him when it’s time to head out. They split up into the two SUVs, Tom, Shiv and him in one, the executive floor in the other. He’s the first one on the plane, having no interest in waiting on the Tarmac for Felix to arrive.  He grabs a seat in the back, where they used to put the support team whenever they flew with the family. He throws his bag in the seat next to him, the only deterrence he has against Tom coming to sit with him. He knows the seat was a little risky, there are seats facing his across the table in front of him, but he figures everyone will be too busy to bother him.</p><p>He pulls a paperback from his bag, throws on some noise cancelling headphones. He’s on his own little world when everyone else boards, only pulled out when the pilot announced eminent take off. Looking up to  get a sense for everyone positioned themselves, he sees Shiv and Tom on the distant couch, Kendall and Felix are huddled together with Gerri and Jim looking on from across the aisle. It tweaks him a little, but he shakes it off, remembering he dated Tabitha for 8 months after she blew Tom, and how many guys he tried to get Grace to cheat on him with. </p><p>He dives into his book,  it was part of a packaging deal someone at his company had struck and he wanted to see if they could adapt it to a series or film. So far he had his doubts about making the Lusitania into a worthwhile endeavor unless he invested enough to make it a prestige spectacle. The set pieces of it are cinematic certainly but he’s not certain they can make it pop enough to get people into seats.</p><p>A couple hours and a cocktail and pretzels later, he’s burnt out on reading, switching to his computer to reply to work emails. He glances every so often to check in with Gerri. Since she rejoined them she’s been leading Felix through something on his tablet. It reminds him how much he misses watching her work. She was always such a force to be reckoned with, brilliant mind producing devious plans and cutting barbs. </p><p>He loves his job. He loves the people he works with, he loves the project and the process. Roman knows he doesn’t want to go back to Waystar, he knows he’ll just be miserable. But, there is a small part of him that sees Gerri next to Felix, her blond hair falling a little into her face, pointing something out in her very Gerri way, two fingers instead of one, and then looking to make sure he’s following, that thinks he could do it again.  </p><p>He’s still staring, too distracted to notice Shiv ans she approaches. Shiv pokes him lightly, “Can I ask what your  plan is?” Getting his attention and embarrassing him a little. She takes the seat across from him. </p><p>“My plan?” </p><p>“Will we just see you at Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving now?” </p><p>“You’d have to invite me to find out I guess.” Roman counters. </p><p>“I’m serious.”</p><p>“I’ll be around, but I don’t know, it’s not like I’m going to just fly out to hang out. There might be work stuff, but genuinely it was 3 years before it came up. I don’t have a plan.” </p><p>Shiv stares at him, like she doesn't believe him, “Kendall said he thinks Gerri and Jim hooked up last night.” </p><p>Roman grimaces, “Why would he say that?” </p><p>“Something about Jim's mood and Gerri looks a little tired this morning.” Her tone is too nonchalant to be real.</p><p>He clears his throat, “Good for them then.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you.” She’s a little too loud and they pull some attention from the rest of the cabin. </p><p>“What?” he whispers, over correcting. </p><p>“I thought you said it was over!” </p><p>“I don’t know what you are talking about.” </p><p>“You’re the worst liar, I swear, like you wouldn’t be heartbroken if she was fucking that guy, “Good for them”, Jesus dude, she was with you wasn’t she? Fucking hell your such a desperate loser.” </p><p>“Okay calm down Nancy Drew, why can’t it be that we’re all adults and allowed to do as we please?” </p><p>“Because you aren’t an adult, you’re a child, and you said you were in love with her and if that’s the case then you’d absolutely care. And you’re blushing!” She points to his red cheeks which have started to feel hot. </p><p>“Why do you care either way?” </p><p>“I want to know what your plan is.”  She says softly. “Not for the old reasons, I’m not trying to counter move you or get an advantage, I honestly am curious about what you are planning to do with your life and how much you want to include me, us, in it. You’re the fun one. It’s been fine, but Rome, it’s less fun without you.” </p><p>“I don’t have a plan. I have ideas, I have hopes, but nothing concrete, it hasn’t even been a month yet, you gotta give me a minute to figure this out. I get it, you miss me, I’m great, your world is so little without me.” His eyes drift across the cabin to where Gerri is and back to Shiv, “I’m sticking around, I just have to figure out how.”</p><p>“Good.” </p><p>“If I want to go piss, do I have to run past you with my plan or am I allowed to do that?”</p><p>“If I say you do, will you piss your pants, because that might give Kendall an aneurysm and that might be worth the entertainment.”  Roman gives her the finger as he gets out of his seat and heads to the bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>She’s gone by the time he gets back. It looks to him that the business portion of the flight is wrapping up, Kendall and Felix are shaking hands and Jim is nodding and smiling a bunch. He sits back down in his seat now all alone as the cabin lights are dimmed. Diving back into the emails and presentations and spreadsheets, Roman get sucked into work for a couple of hours. He starts to develop a light headache, likely caffeine related, finally pulling him out of his computer. </p><p>He drags himself back to the bar in the back and ops for a cold brew in a can. It’s quiet, everyone either silently working or sleeping. Shiv is curled up on the couch, her head in Tom’s lap. It’s the sweetest he’s seen them in a long time. He’s happy for them. </p><p>Sitting any longer feels unfathomable to him. He’s happy to not be on a commercial flight, where he’d feel penned into his seat, but he feels equally caged here. Not wanting to loom near Kendall or his precious business partners, not wanting to get picked on by Shiv any longer, not wanting to seem wanting of Gerri, he’s a little trapped in his dark corner. He paces, silently, leans against the wall for a while, staring at the condensation slide down the side of the can in his hand. </p><p>He spent some time in his childhood in cages, between Kendall and Connor’s games, military school, being woefully unprepared for college. He’s felt trapped a large part of his life, it’s not a new feeling, but he hadn’t felt it in some time. For three years, the whole world except New York and a couple of tv channels was entirely his. There was something missing. His anxiety simmered instead of boiled, his attention was clearer, his confidence through the roof, a mix of his father's absence and medication. </p><p>He’s spent two years in therapy discussing what he wants, what he needs, what he feels, why he feels those things. They’ve talked and analyzed their way through the hard stuff, the looming presence of his father and his approval, the competition of his childhood that stemmed a lifetime of trust issues. But he never let them get to the good times, from Japan, management training, hell, even Turkey,  everything until the morning he was fired.  </p><p>When he pictured his “full life”, when he lets down his guard and thinks about what he wants, it’s the week before he was fired. The week she knew he was gone and didn’t tell him. </p><p>+++</p><p>It was just after 9 and he is finishing up a call with a tech team out of Seattle, their wrapping up action items when his attention is drawn to his office door. Gerri slips in, moving silently to his couch, eye focused on her phone. He lifts his finger as if to say he’ll be just a minute, but all he gets in return is a shrug. It feels like a century before they actual allow him to hang up. </p><p>“Sorry, that was like pulling out a catheter. How was your day? Covered up anymore murders?” he smiles, he hasn’t seen her all day, which used to be rare but is more common since Kendall has taken on more. </p><p>She rolls her eyes, “Fine, what does the rest of your week look like?’ She looks up from her phone finally. </p><p>It was Tuesday, he’s uncertain if this is a prelude to a date invitation or being shipped off to solve some shit crisis abroad. “Pretty empty, nothing critical that can’t be moved around,  what’s up?”</p><p>“I’ve got a couple of things I want to pick your mind about, it can keep a little longer. But there’s a dinner in a week or so I was hoping you’d attend.” </p><p>He waggles his eyebrows, standing in front of her one foot on the coffee table that separates them, “Are you asking me on a date Geraldine?” </p><p>“Don’t call me that, and no, I’m asking you to attend a business dinner, which you will have to prep for.” The tilt of her head and the look in her eyes tells him it’s not an entirely professional invitation. </p><p>“I think I could be persuaded, given the right encouragement. Is that all you have for me? No wild gossip, crisis we have to double team, no scandals to bury?” </p><p>“Nothing to report. Same old, same old.” She’s leaning back on the couch, maintaining eye contact, a challenge but to what end. They are the last in the office, per usual, but Gerri has made it abundantly clear nothing will happen in the office. </p><p>Roman feels itchy under he stare. “I could eat you right now,” he says soft and low.</p><p>“What?” she’s pretty sure she heard him correctly but also is willing to let him get away with it. </p><p>“I could eat. Are you hungry? Do you want to get some food?” </p><p>The offices around them are all dark, the low glow from his laptop on his desk and the ambient city light from the windows are the only things lighting the room. He’s eyes are bright, shiny, hopeful, but he’s worrying his lip like he’s scared she will say no. It’s been awhile since she’s been struck by how young he looks. The last 4 months he’s grown so much, he’s still vile sometimes, but he rarely crumpled into his little boy shape anymore. </p><p>She used to think she was attracted to his youth, the power and danger, early on when it was just the calls. But when she got herself off thinking about it, him, their connection, it hadn’t been that for a long time. He was handsome, young, energetic. His mind was chaos, exciting, unpredictable in such a challenging way. He pushed her, surprised her, made her laugh. It made her feel good when she could calm him, it made her feel sexy when she could say one little thing and his eyes darken. </p><p>She clears her throat, “Yeah.” She gets up, gathers her bag and coat, waits for him at his door. He’s packing up his computer into a bag, moves a couple post-it notes around and makes his way over to her. </p><p>He yawns in the elevator and she clocks it immediately, “If you’re tired,” </p><p>He cuts her off, “No, I’m fine, just didn’t have a red bull at 4, caffeine withdrawal.” </p><p>She’s looking straight ahead, “I was going to suggest we could just order in.” He turns to her trying to gauge the full intention of her meaning, but she gives him nothing. </p><p>“That works too.” </p><p>They’ve “ordered in” before, usually on travel, but there has been an occasion he’s been invited up to her apartment. It’s been escalating, their thing. The frequency of the calls increased when Kendall and Logan were fighting for power and they were split between them. Their frustration with the work and burden of holding it all together made everything more intense. It took a little time, but he found what she needed, reciprocating the relief. And then they kissed. Ordering in usually meant there’d be kissing and more, where that limit is drawn seems to be a shifting target, an evolution that scares them both a little. </p><p>They settle on a salad delivery place that they both like and who can have the food at her apartment before they get there. He talks for the sake of talking in the car, trying to make her laugh. They pick their dinner up with the doorman, and he follows her up to her apartment. He’s fascinated by her routine, she loses her shoes at the door, drops her coat on a chair, takes her bag to her office. When she comes back her hair is pulled up and her blouse has a few less buttons buttoned. </p><p>He pours her a glass of wine and follows her with the food to her table. </p><p>“If you could do anything, anywhere, what would you do?” she asks him as she tosses dressing through the greens and veggies in her bowl.</p><p>“And being your sex doll isn’t an option?” he winks. “Never really had the thought, it was always pretty clear what I’d be doing.” He takes a bite, “What about you?” he points at her with his fork, mouth too full of food to be properly speaking. </p><p>“I think I could have made a pretty good politician. There are some apt but limited comparisons that could be made between me and Hillary Clinton. But I picked corporate law.” </p><p>He smiles at that, “Gonna take a little work to get that out of my head.”</p><p>“I’m serious Rome, if you had to do something else, what would you want to do?” </p><p>“Honestly, I’d probably end up like Connor, no fucking skills, no sense, I don’t know, find someone smarter and stable, give them ideas and have them make them into something profitable.” It makes him feel bad, and not in a good bad way, to think about how little value he has to the company. Compared to Gerri who basically keeps the place running, who can provide top notch legal advice, he has his meh instincts and a charming smile. </p><p>“Something like a venture capital firm? A producer or an investor?”</p><p>He laughs, “Yeah, make the next Facebook, but for dweebs with little dicks and MILF fetish, connect them with women who just want to yell at men, they’ll call it a feminist wonder. How does he come up with it...”</p><p>It gets her, she doesn’t expect it to but she laughs. They’ve both finished, and she grabs his trash. He follows her into the kitchen, offers to top off her glass, which she accepts. They stay there for a minute, resting against opposite counters, sipping from their glasses. Gerri licks her lips after a sip in a way that Roman takes as a clear invitation. </p><p>He sets his glass on the counter, which Gerri mirrors. He leans forward, waiting for her to wave him off, but her eyes are steady. It’s cautious, his kiss, soft and short, polite even. His hands hover, one by her shoulder the other by her waist, like he’s afraid to touch her. She bits his lip. The thrill of it is enough encouragement for him to go all in. He buries a hand in her hair, clutches at her waist, deepening the kiss. </p><p>He’s never felt the compulsion to consume and be consumed before. He wonders if this is what everyone feels, why Tabitha was always disappointed with him, the thought of giving up this. Gerri moans softly, egging him on to run his hand from her waist to her breast. She rewards him with another and tightens her hand in his hair. She’s still guiding him, even here, slowing him down, refocusing him. </p><p>He’s pressing her into the counter behind her, and knows it can’t be comfortable. Parting for a breath, he’s got a big goofy smile on his face, which makes her blush. She hides her face a little into his neck, “Time to relocate, I think.” Her voice is raw, deeper than normal, Roman thinks it’s the sexiest thing he’s ever heard. </p><p>He assumes she means the couch where every one of their other interactions have taken place, but she surprises him. Gerri’s room is clean, sensible. There’s a couple painting and prints on the walls, one looks to be a Turner. Her sheets are a deep purple, and he can’t wait to see her against them. Just inside the door she turns to re-engage him. The spectacle of this woman, he thinks, capable of kissing him, blowing his mind and unbuttoning his shirt. </p><p>He’s less successful with her shirt, but she’s as generous as she is sexy, lending him a hand and getting her blouse off. Roman is greedy in his exploration of her newly bare skin, his mouth pulling needy sighs and deep unsteady breaths. </p><p>She brushes the front of his pants and he falters. </p><p>“Fuck,” he exhales. A small giggle escapes her lips, and all the confidence he’s built up with his progress is cut by the reminder of his previous failures in this area. They’ve been here before, in different permutations, but this feels different, he knows, her expectations are different here. This won’t be a rub over his pants or muddled hand job on her couch. </p><p>Gaining a little control back, he walks her backwards towards the bed, pulling on her skirt, showing his disdain for the fabric between them. When it finally drops to the floor, he can barely control himself from dropping to his knees in front of her. There are things he learned as a compromise, skills he gained to make the others stay when he couldn’t offer them what they expected. She must sense his train of thought because she pulls him in for a kiss and slides back onto the bed. Sitting, lips puffy, eyes hooded, legs parted, he’s not sure he’s ever seen something so sexy. “Roman,” he hopes no one ever says his name again so he can just sit with how fucking good it sounds on her lips. “Come here.” </p><p>He’d follow her to the end of the earth if she asked, he guesses this is basically the same. He crawls to her, unzipping his pants just to provide a little relief. He devours her, stealing moans from her lips, marking her neck, as his hand slides where she needs him most. His plan is to get her just to the edge, but she doesn’t want to play along. Pushing his pants down with her feet, she has her hands on the waistband of his briefs. </p><p>“Easy girl,” his voice is strained and sounds unfamiliar to him. It earns him a laugh and a moan when he deepens his stroke in retaliation. </p><p>“Just not used to you doing all the work,” she sighs out. He laughs, scraping his teeth against her neck. He doubles his efforts but slows when he feels her getting close, feels the twitching of her hands and shutter in her legs around him. Pulling back, he gets to his knees and sheds them both of their last layers. </p><p>There’s a hand on his face, she’s sitting up to meet him, checking in, her eyes searching his face silently. He doesn’t think he can muster any words, the heat he feels fighting with something else deeper and harder. All he can do is offer a short, reassuring kiss. He pushes her back into the mattress, her hands on his shoulder and ass, encouraging him. </p><p>Roman can’t help the gasp that comes from him, his head drops to her shoulder. It’s been so long, and even then it wasn’t this. He tries to steady himself, taking a shaky breath, but he lifts his head and see’s her face, closed eyes, mouth agape, unsteady breath. It spurs him. “So fucking sexy,” he says followed by an unseemly grunt. Her hands tighten on his back, her nails digging into the meat of his shoulder. </p><p>He doesn’t last much longer, reaching for her breast and shifting the angle to try and bring her along. It works, he thinks it’s the last of the luck he has left in this world, but he’d happily spend it on this moment. “Rome,” is on her lips as she toppled over the edge and if she ever lets him do this again he might suggest making a recording because he would give up music forever if he could play that on repeat. </p><p>They lay there for some time, until Gerri starts laughing. “I can’t believe we did that.” She has a hand over her face. </p><p>Her laugh is infectious, he’s laughing too, rolling over and closing his eyes. “I always figured as much, but fuck, you’re good at that.”</p><p>That makes her laugh harder. “I honestly didn’t know if you’d be up for it.” </p><p>“That makes two of us. Jesus, your some sort of sex witch,” he turns to face her, “It was good right? My scale is pretty fucked up for this stuff.” </p><p>She looks at him, he can make out a blush even through her orgasm reddened face, “Yes Roman, it was good. You did well.” </p><p>It makes him blush, he’s suddenly aware of his nakedness and the mess he has on himself. “I should, I’m gonna, just clean up,” he slides to the end of the bed, grabbing his underwear. “Do you want, should I get you…”  </p><p>She laughs at him again, “Go.” </p><p>He hustles out to the hallway bathroom, he’s intimately familiar with. When he returns, Gerri’s gone, but he can hear water running behind the bathroom door. It wasn’t clear to him if he’d be invited to stay. He doesn't want to be presumptuous, so he just sits at the end of the bed and waits for her. She comes out, damp hair, skin bright, wrapped in a silk robe.  He looks up expectantly and gets a soft smile in return. </p><p>“You can stay if you’d like,” she says softly. </p><p>“I’d like.” He lets her choose her side of the bed, feeling it’s only right in her own home. He’s asleep when his head hits the pillow.</p><p> </p><p>Waking up to an empty bed, in a new place, it takes him a second to remember all that has happened the next morning. He finds her in the office, coffee and bag in hand, dressed and ready for the day.  She spots him before he can say anything, “Morning,” it’s a tone he’s never heard from her before, cautious, sweet, possibly regretful, “I have a couple early meetings so I have to go in,” she looks at her watch, “basically now.” </p><p>He feels like a little kid, “Okay, I should go home, change,” looking down at himself to say he’s clearly not ready for the office. “I’ll see you in the office?” He’s not sure why it was a question, but that seems to make her smile. </p><p>“Yeah,” she moves around him, heading towards the door, “I don’t want to insult you with this but,” she’s tiptoeing around him, the way she talks to his father, “discretion is preferred for all of this.” She just nods as if to encompass the entirety of their existences. </p><p>“Well I was going to get a skywriter, but if you’d prefer discretion.” </p><p>She flips him off. “I’ll see you in the office.” </p><p>He’s in her apartment alone for less than 3 minutes, he runs to the bathroom, dresses quickly and calls a car in the lobby. He doesn’t see her in the office, she’s called away for their only overlapping meeting, and she’s out of the office by 6.  </p><p>He texts her on his way home at 8:30. </p><p><b>I didn’t permanently fuck this up right? If that’s the case we can just take it back, 24 hour mind wipe. </b> </p><p>He’s surprised by how fast her response is. </p><p>
  <i>Nothing to take back, no regrets, it’s been quite some time since I’ve had a morning after, it was an adjustment </i>
</p><p>
  <b>Happy to give you some more practice any time. </b>
</p><p><i>The generosity you Roy’s are known for </i> </p><p>He decides to bite the bullet and calls her when he makes it to his front door. Talks just for the sake of it, does his impression of Frank he knows she loves. It’s not as nice, going to be alone now that he knows what it is to go to bed with her, but the light and sweet, “Good night Roman,”  she leaves him with is enough. </p><p>A week and a half later Gerri calls him, lets him know that Kendall and the board are planning to replace him, there would be a meeting tomorrow morning, she asked him to come over, that’s when he hung up and threw his phone against the wall. Frank leaves a box with his doorman, in it a bottle of whisky, a paperback copy of On The Road and a postcard of Italy that told him to take some time and give him a call when he was ready. He’s on a plane the next morning. </p><p>+++</p><p>He finishes his drink, tosses the can and settles back into his seat. He pulls out his phone, ignoring his self doubt. </p><p>
  <b>We’ll land around 6, it’s a little early, but any interest in ordering in? </b>
</p><p>He closes his eyes, willing himself to sleep but after a minute his phone buzzes in his hand.</p><p>
  <i>I thought you’d never ask. </i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s not quite sure how she wants to play the car. Felix and Kendall are the first out, he was hoping Jim would follow him, but he’s being a gallant asshole and waiting on Gerri. <br/>Roman follows last, after Shiv and Tom, see’s Felix slide into a car and drive off. Kendall, Gerri, and Jim are huddled up in conversation before Kendall gives a very meek shoulder clap to each of them and pulls away, walking over to Shiv and Tom. </p>
<p>“How long are you sticking around you think?” He asks Roman.</p>
<p>“I’ve gotta be back before the end of the week. I figure, I can work from anywhere for a couple days, go see Dad and all that,” focusing very hard on not looking over to Gerri. </p>
<p>“You should come up, grab lunch or something tomorrow, or the next day, I can have Jess clear the calendar.” </p>
<p>He knows it’s a nice offer, but even if he is okay with Kendall, okay with all that happened in the past, he doesn’t actually want to go into Waystar after having been publicly sacked. </p>
<p>“I’d be happy to get dinner, it will probably be annoying with the time difference and everything to manage lunch.” </p>
<p>“He’s being polite, it’s a shitty offer,” Shiv clarifies. </p>
<p>“Right, sorry man, I wasn’t thinking. Sorry. I’ll, yes, lets get dinner. Naomi too.” He’s nodding a lot and trying to back pedal, which makes Roman a little happier, to know he’s at least uncomfortable too. </p>
<p>“Text me whatever’s easiest. I’ll probably be pretty nomadic.”</p>
<p>“Where do you plan on staying, do you…”</p>
<p>Before he could finish, Shiv steps in, “Already offered, he’s insistent on the luxury of a Waystar Suite.” </p>
<p>“What can I say, I’m a family man.” </p>
<p>“Cool, okay, cool, I’ll be in touch, it was really good to see you, glad we get a little more time with you than we thought.” Roman isn’t sure if he’s going to come in for a hug, it’s awkward, even when they were closer they had trouble with any form of affection. It’s a stunted side hug handshake thing that probably looked like a fucking disaster but felt worse. </p>
<p>Kendall heads back over to Jim and Gerri, and Roman sees the decision was made for him when they all decide to share a car. He looks over at Shiv as they start walking to the last awaiting vehicle, “I’ll be riding with you I presume?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, where are we actually taking you?” </p>
<p>He checks his phone, not wanting to seem too desperate about a direct invitation over, but also being sort of in the lurch. “I can just go to your place and take a car wherever later.” </p>
<p>Once they’re loaded in, him in the far back, he feels a little more comfortable. </p>
<p>“Do you actually want to go see Dad?” Shiv asks.</p>
<p>“Fuck no, but I mean, what if he dies and I was here and I didn’t. How would that feel.”</p>
<p>“I think the rest of us have come to terms with that grim reality. Are you gonna tell him about Mom?” </p>
<p>He hadn’t thought about it, he pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to kill the man Shiv.”</p>
<p>His phone buzzes, it’s Gerri. </p>
<p><b> Wrapping up, &lt;1.5 hours </b> </p>
<p>Tom and Shiv are already bickering back and forth about something. They sustain themselves for the remainder of the trip. He texts Tabitha, to see if she’s free for a little while, and sure enough she is. </p>
<p>After Tom and Shiv are dropped at their door, he takes the car, heads to the address she’s sent over. </p>
<p>She answers the door, flowy floral dress, belly just barely showing, all smiles and dewey skin. </p>
<p>“Ro! It’s been so long! Look at you!” She grabs his face in her hands, kissing his cheeks.</p>
<p>“Look at you!” he pokes her belly, “radiant as ever Tabs.”</p>
<p>“Come in come in. Louis is going to be so sad he missed you.”</p>
<p>“How is your beautiful frenchman? Still 6 foot fucking too many inches?” </p>
<p>“He’s wonderful, I wasn’t going to ever tell you, but you know he’s got a nickname for you.”</p>
<p>“Jesus, what is it.” </p>
<p>“Souris ermite,” she’s smiling at him, her perfect taunting smile, “I think it’s sweet. Our little hermit mouse.” </p>
<p>“Fuck you,” but he’s laughing as he says it. “I am neither a hermit nor a mouse, I’m a fuckable rockstar.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Wait, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“You’re fucking some one?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Roman!”</p>
<p>“Don’t sound so shocked.” </p>
<p>“I get to be shocked! We dated for 8 months, and I’ve set you up with like 10 different fantastic people and you haven’t bitten ever! Who is it? Oh my god, I’m so excited for you, our little souris ermite no more!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s too late, he’s now in too far. Sex always made him feel inadequate with Tabitha. Everything except sex worked for them and he hated he couldn’t give that to her. Her ribbing about it was always warranted based on her experience and desires, but it he still hated it. He doesn’t know what to say to her excitement though. His blank stare of panic and dread, finally reaching her. </p>
<p>“You did something bad. That’s your “you did something bad” face.” </p>
<p>“What no?”</p>
<p>“Oh my god why are you lying. Ro, did you sleep with someone I know?” Her smile is so big like she’s having fun playing detective and watching him squirm.</p>
<p>He’s frozen, unsure of what to do, she knows him better than anyone else, can tell when he’s lying, scared, angry, hungry, drunk. </p>
<p>“Roman Roy, what did you do that has you beat fucking red?” </p>
<p>He goes to sit down on the couch across the room from them, hoping she’ll follow. He wished she’d have offered him a drink, maybe the whole bottle of whatever she has on hand. </p>
<p>“I’m not letting you out of this.” </p>
<p>“Oh that much if fucking clear Nancy Drew.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You love it,” she settles onto the couch next to him, legs tangled up with themselves, facing him with the most pleasant smile and sharpest eyes. “Now tell me your dirty secret.” </p>
<p>Roman clears his throat, “You can’t tell anyone. I know it’s funny and you love to take the piss, but I’m serious, this is just, you're my best friend here, this isn’t something you can just talk about in front of people, I’m not ready for jokes.” </p>
<p>She just nods her understanding, eyes wide, totally wrapped up in him. </p>
<p>“And I don’t, whatever, I don’t want to rehash anything, but I’d like to point out that I love you, just not in the way we love or want to love other people right, so…” </p>
<p>She cuts him off, “I promise not to get mad unless you’ve fucked my future husband and didn’t let me watch, get on with it.” </p>
<p>“Gerri.”</p>
<p>Her eyes flash, he’s not sure with what, but she’s certainly acknowledged hearing it. The smile that was starting to fade slowly grows with understanding, she looks like she’s about to have a fit of giggles she can’t control. </p>
<p>“You fucking jerked off in Gerri’s bathroom at the Pierce house didn’t you? You asshole.” She slaps his arm. “How long? Obviously then, but now too? Start from the beginning.” </p>
<p>“I don’t think you actually want to hear it from the beginning, the timeline is, well, I’m not thrilled with, you know,” he gestures between the two of them, “the timing of it all, and the,” he waves his hands some more but is at a loss for the words.</p>
<p>“Overlap?” she suggests. </p>
<p>“Cheating?” he offers at the same time.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t say it was cheating, obviously, it was complicated,” she reassures him with a gentle rub up his shoulder. “I don’t love it, but I also sort of love that it was Gerri.” She shakes her head a little bit, “Gerri,” feeling the name over her tongue. “Fucking minx. It actually makes a lot of sense. You two are like total opposite energies. Tell me about it, don’t worry about the other stuff.” </p>
<p>He’s been waiting 3 years for this moment, to confess, to be honest and open, but also to just talk about something so major in his life he’s kept hidden. “We got on I guess, in Japan after the rocket thing, and then I don’t know, I think she picked me over Kendall at some point because she was offering advice and gave me ideas sometimes. She’s the one that told me to do the management training, so I did. We had that fucking shit-bag excuse for an attempt at phone sex and I was just so fucking frustrated with everything, being stuck there in fucking nowhereville, USA, and being useless to the business and useless to you and I called her, and she just called me a piece of shit, and it sounded like she meant it, but also didn’t, I don’t know. It worked.” </p>
<p>He takes a breath and gets up the courage to look at her. She’s smiling, clearly listening, she rubs his arm a little bit to coax him into talking more. </p>
<p>“So I called again, like pretty regularly, and it was basically phone sex which seemed fine by her, I mean she kept picking up the calls and kept saying the stuff she knew would work. And then at fucking Tern Haven, Shiv blew up her spot, and you said that shit in front of those fucking assholes and I felt like an idiot, who can’t fuck, or give you children, or name a book, and my dad has to bring in Shiv cause I’m to fucking stupid to run the company, and then I fucked up with the sex.” </p>
<p>She squeezes his arm at that slightly shivering at the memory, “just so bad,” she says softly. </p>
<p>“Right, and you locked yourself in the bathroom so I just you know, went and saw Gerri to get her take on the evening, but ended up fucking her robe against her bathroom door as she called me a fucking disappointment. And after that, you suggested you fucking other people might be okay, and I felt less bad, and there were calls and some weird hotel stuff on trips, and then Kendall blew everything up, and you moved out, and things just kept on going.” </p>
<p>“And she fired you? I feel like I remember you being awfully specific about it being her.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, technically the board fired me, but yes, she delivered the news.” </p>
<p>“And up to that point, you were like doing this thing?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, it wasn’t fucking great.” </p>
<p>“Ro, I thought it was like Kendall and the company, you were so sad, why didn’t you say anything.” She leans in to wrap him in a hug but he doesn’t really cooperate. </p>
<p>“Oh yeah what should I have said, “Hey Tabs, no biggie, sorry about being a fucking dick-drop these last couple months and that you tried to make me better and all I did was pout and cheat on you, but turns out I’m probably in love with the company’s general counsel, who just called to say I was fired, so my plan is to get wasted and “find myself” in Italy but really I’ll just be drinking wine and crying into pasta watching boats in the ocean. Any advice?”</p>
<p>“Well, no, but I’m sorry you had to go through that alone. I would have at least offered to fight her. I mean it’s Gerri, I wouldn’t have but I could have found something awful.” She’s holding his face now, her voice so sad, “You deserve to be happy, you know that right?” </p>
<p>He nods into her hands. </p>
<p>“Have you talked to her since?”</p>
<p>He nods again.</p>
<p>“So she at your mom’s wedding?” </p>
<p>Again he nods. </p>
<p>“Awwww, souris ermite. What happened?” </p>
<p>“It was nice. I missed her. I missed everyone. It was nice being there with Shiv and Ken and Mom. They’re all fucking awful and shitty, but I do miss them. And Gerri was Gerri, I guess. She was as cryptic and confusing as always, but soft and funny and fucking smart and mean. She said she’d be interested in figuring whatever this is out. I don’t know. Am I fucking stupid?” </p>
<p>“No of course not. You like her and you miss her, and you had a big trip which honestly your family is fully incapable of digesting in a rational, emotionally honest way, so it’s completely reasonable for you to be kinda head fucked by it all.” She looks him over like she might be able to spot emotional wounds on his face. “You missed her?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think, it's obviously been a little while, but I never feel as alive as when I’m with her. Being around her, even just seeing her in the hallway or at dinner, I felt more whole, more comfortable knowing she was around.” </p>
<p>“It sounds like she really means something to you,” she smirks. </p>
<p>“I really did love you, you know that right?”</p>
<p>“Oh babe, yes, don’t worry about that, you’ve got your stuff you were figuring out, I had mine. We’re in good places, I love you tons.” </p>
<p>He lays down, suddenly exhausted by all of it, his legs jutting into her lap. </p>
<p>“So you’re like dating?” </p>
<p>He throws his arm across his face, trying to hide his embarrassment and excitement and nervousness and insecurity from coming to the surface. “We haven’t really gotten to that part.” </p>
<p>“But you are fucking? At least you did on this trip, in your mothers castle no less,” feigning shock. </p>
<p>“I don’t know how it is going to work. Her being here and me being in LA. I just seems like we’re going to be on the phone all the time and jet lagged if we meet up. And I can’t really just move, I mean, I fucking could, but the business can’t. I could sell it, but I don’t want to do that to everyone else, and then what would I fucking do. And she would hate LA, fucking HATE it. I hate it most days. So what, I’m a 40 year old in a long distance relationship with my dad’s ex-lawyer, and we see each other every two months for 45 minutes. Fuck that.”</p>
<p>“You seemed to have put some thought into this.”</p>
<p>“It’s been the only thing I could think about for the last week.”</p>
<p>“You’ll figure it out. Maybe you’ll just both have to decide to meet each other in the middle,  romantic weekends in Chicago, oh or Kansas City.”</p>
<p>“Lovely.”</p>
<p>She yanks on his foot a little, “I have to ask.”</p>
<p>“You really fucking don’t.”</p>
<p>“Gerri Kellman doesn’t agree to pretend to be a corpse.” </p>
<p>He can’t help but laugh, all the discomfort and pain from that experience somehow now something he can laugh at. “That’s not a question but no, none of that, I mean can you imagine? She puts up with a lot, but not that.”</p>
<p>’“Gerri fucking Kellman.” She says again, shaking her head, “it’s probably great, the sex? She’s fucking fantastic isn’t she?”</p>
<p>“No comment.” </p>
<p>“Ro! Come on, I know for a fact you want to talk about this, and it sounds like you have no one else to tell, come on. She’s crazy sexy, I get it. I’m a little upset you didn’t suggest a threesome.” </p>
<p>“Didn’t want her to realize she was going after the wrong one of us.” </p>
<p>“So you can actually fuck her though? It’s good?”</p>
<p>He just shrugs. He can’t really explain it, knows that it’s certainly different than any other relationship he’s had. </p>
<p>Tabitha is staring at him with a dumb knowing smile, “What a hero, I want to send her a card or something.” </p>
<p>“Don’t even fucking joke about it, she’d kill me.” </p>
<p>She sits back in a little huff, “Boo, whenever you figure it out, we should get dinner, double date. Louis will love her.” </p>
<p>“Oh I’m sure he will, then he’ll steal her away, create a harem of women Roman Roy regularly disappointed.” </p>
<p> His phone buzzes.</p>
<p>
  <b>Heading home, still interested? </b>
</p>
<p><b><i>I’ll head over now. </i></b> </p>
<p>“Well it looks like a better offer has come up.” Roman pulls his feet off of her and on to the lap, “We’ll have to talk about you next time, but I mean,” he gestures towards her swollen belly, “it seems like things are going well.”</p>
<p>“Very well, excited and all that.” She’s beaming. </p>
<p>“What difference a good man and a little time makes, huh?” </p>
<p>“I’d say biology and FOMO had something to do with it too, but sure, something like that.”</p>
<p>He kisses her cheek, “I miss you.” </p>
<p>“I miss you too. Don’t be a stranger. I’m not saying move back, but you know, it’d be cool to have Uncle Roman around, teach the little squirt how to mock poor people, piss away money, all that.” </p>
<p>“Fuck you, I am going to spoil this kid with all the coolest shit, wont even know what to do with it, be flying drones and shit before they can walk.” </p>
<p>He kisses her other check and heads down the other stairs. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn’t even need to check with the doorman when he gets to Gerri’s building. Just heads straight through up to her floor. He was invited, but he still feels compelled to knock, not really knowing the precedent here. </p>
<p>It’s a moment, but she opens the door and allows him inside. He drops his bag by the door, uncertain about what the arrangement is. </p>
<p>“Hi,” he feels like he should kiss her hello or something. All of this seemed much easier sneaking around in his mother's house 24 hours ago. </p>
<p>“Hi,” she walks away from him, heading to the bar he thinks, “do you want anything to drink?”</p>
<p>He follows, “Water’s fine.”  He catches up to her, finds her with a glass of red wine in hand and a water for him, sporting a quizzical expression. </p>
<p>“I ordered from the Japanese place you used to like, figured that’d be okay.” </p>
<p>“Sounds great.”</p>
<p>There is an awkward silence, which if it were a first date he’d understand, but actually there wouldn’t be awkward silences on a first date with him. He’d fill them all, brash and bravado, through the whole thing. This is the silence of uncertainty. </p>
<p>“Everything go well with Felix?” </p>
<p>“Oh you know, it’s fine today, shit tomorrow. They’re happy when they walk away all puffed up from having someone jerking them off for two hours and then next week their pissed because they think they deserve it every fucking day.”</p>
<p>“Are you talking about investors or men?” </p>
<p>It makes her laugh and suddenly everything feels much more steady. “Universal observation I guess. How were Shiv and Tom?” </p>
<p>“Disastrous as always, couldn’t spend a minute without arguing. Godspeed to their child.”</p>
<p>“They’ll get a good nanny, it will work itself out. I mean worst they could do, end up with a little weirdo like you and even you’re not all that bad.”</p>
<p>He puts his hand over his heart, “Oh I’m so touched.” </p>
<p>She moves to go sit in the lounge, he follows, sitting on the ottoman to face her. A goofy smile grows across his face which she notices immediately.</p>
<p>“Knock it off.” </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“That stupid smile.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I'm just revisiting some fond memories of this particular piece of furniture. So glad to see it’s stayed in the collection, seems pretty unscathed, I feel like there was risk of a permeate stain or two, I feel like maybe I’ll have to investigate later.” </p>
<p>She scoffs, “Like every place you’ve ever gotten your dick touched should become a shrine to your orgasm.” </p>
<p>“Well anywhere you’ve touched my dick sure,” wagggling his eyebrows. </p>
<p>“Stop that.” </p>
<p>“Fine.” He leans back on his hands. “But I can’t even ask you about your day, I spent half of mine watching yours.”</p>
<p>“Transatlantic flight with the Roy entourage not riveting enough for you?” </p>
<p>“Well I did notice something.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Just an observation.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” </p>
<p>“Jim.” </p>
<p>“What about Jim?”</p>
<p>“Gerri.”</p>
<p>“Roman.”</p>
<p>“Come on.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“He’s interested.” </p>
<p>“An astute observation.”</p>
<p>“Gerri.”</p>
<p>“Who knew you were so territorial.”</p>
<p>“I’m usually not.”</p>
<p>“He’s interested, I’m not, but,” she trails off.</p>
<p>“But?”</p>
<p>“But, it wasn’t unappealing to have someone interested. I probably let it go on too long, but it was nice, flattering, is all. He’s never been particularly subtle about it, but I do think it was a little teased up this trip. Probably got his hopes up.”</p>
<p>He slides down from the ottoman to his knees in front of her. Parting her legs to make room for himself, resting his hands just above her knees, “I could think of a way to show my interest, if that’d be nice?”</p>
<p>Her phone is buzzing next to her, interrupting the intense stare as he awaited a response. “That’s the food.”</p>
<p>Roman is ready to say fuck the food, when his stomach growls loudly. She laughs at him for that, rubbing her hand on the side of the face and pushing him back so she can get up to get their dinner. </p>
<p>She returns to find him setting places at the dining table, her glass of wine refreshed next to a matching one for himself. </p>
<p>“Shall we,” she offers him the bag to begin serving.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I went to see Tabitha.” He says as he finishes chewing his first bite, watching her in the hopes of measuring her reaction. She gives him nothing. </p>
<p>“Uh huh.”</p>
<p>“I, ugh, broke our rule.” </p>
<p>“Which rule was that?” </p>
<p>“I told Tabs.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” </p>
<p>“She approves, wasn’t too hung up on, what she termed, “the overlap”. She did suggest she was disappointed she wasn’t consulted about a possible threesome.”</p>
<p>“Dear god.” </p>
<p>“You’re a hot commodity, people are lining up around the fucking city for a shot with you. I feel like I’ve really not treated you right for being given this opportunity.”</p>
<p>“You did once refer to me as a “boring sort of nothing” I think it was.”</p>
<p>“Yeah not my best work. She wants to double date. You could meet the action figure, sex pot she upgraded to. He’s one of those beautiful people who is also really nice and smiley, so you know one day he’s just going to murder a bunch of people because it’s too good to be true.” </p>
<p>She seems to be ignoring what he is saying now. </p>
<p>“We should probably go on a real date before planning double dates though, don’t you think?” He asks then shovels food into his mouth to stop himself from doing anymore damage. </p>
<p>“What does a real date look like to Roman Roy?”</p>
<p>He tilts his head, there is a small chance he’s being tested. “Dinner, movie, dancing, theater, little over the pants action in the car?” </p>
<p>“Sounds like a busy night.”</p>
<p>“You know what I mean, I’ll whine and dine you, charm those kitten heels right off your tempting toes.” </p>
<p>She smiles a little, which he counts as a win. </p>
<p>“So is that what you want to do?” Trying to cover his anxiety with taking a long sip of his wine, disappointed his plate is empty so he can’t hide behind anything else. </p>
<p>“Be whined, dined, and charmed?” </p>
<p>“Come on, you know what I mean. Do you want to, fucking hell,” he feels desperate and vulnerable and he hates it, “should we go on a date? Do you want to date me?”</p>
<p>Gerri studies him for a moment, before glancing down to his empty plate. She’s reaching for it before he has a chance to stop her, standing up taking their dirty dishes away without giving him an answer. </p>
<p>He follows her into the kitchen. “So that’s a no?” His skin itches, his throat feels tight, if she says no he’s not really sure why he’s here, in Gerri’s kitchen, in her home, in New York tonight.</p>
<p>Turning off the taps, she grabs a towel that resting next to him to dry her hands, before she turns to him. He hates the feeling of being sized up by her, like she can read his mind, download all his feelings and measure all his inadequacies in 15 seconds.  </p>
<p>“Roman, I know you. I’ve known you your entire life. If you’d like to go out and have dinners and try and impress me, that’s fine we can do that, but I know you, I like you, you don’t need to put on a show for me.”</p>
<p>He exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You like me?” His smile and excitement lighting up his face, lifting him onto his toes. </p>
<p>“Yes, I like you, what do you think you’re doing here?” </p>
<p>“Well I did hear they are bring back the show Punk’d there was a chance it was that I guess.” </p>
<p>She leans past him, brushing her body against his in a very pleasant, very familiar way that makes him feel fuzzy and good, grabbing a new bottle from a hidden wine rack. Their glasses replenished and in hand, she smiles at him softly, “What do you typically do on your Sunday nights?” </p>
<p>“Watch youtube videos of news anchors fucking up and eat a sleeve of saltines.” </p>
<p>It gets a pretty big laugh out of her which makes him laugh. </p>
<p>“No, I don’t know, it feels fucking stupid to just say work or stare at a dumb game on my phone until I’m tired enough to go to bed, but that. What do you do? If I wasn’t here tonight what would you be doing?”</p>
<p>“Reading through some contracts I left on my desk on Wednesday with a glass of wine I guess. Probably think of things I could have texted you throughout the week, decide if any are good enough to try and get a reaction.” </p>
<p>He takes a sip of his wine, “Lead the way.” </p>
<p>They settle on the couch, Gerri puts her feet up on the ottoman, a bound set of papers in one hand with a blue pen in the other. Roman laid out across the rest of the coach, his head resting softly on her thigh. He gets her to put on a documentary he’s been thinking of watching for sometime which he never got around to, but he’s splitting his focus between it and his phone. Every so often, her hand slides into his hair, giving his head the perfect scratch, before sliding back out to turn the page. </p>
<p>It was perfect. He’d ask her questions, mostly to just be annoying, get his hair pulled a little. But mostly he got to just hang out, make her laugh, and do his own thing. It reminded him of the best days with Tabitha, how she’d learned to ignore him, steer him into playing video games so she could use her attention elsewhere, slow him down. He wonders if this is what it was like with Baird for Gerri. </p>
<p>The third time she yawns, he can’t help himself, “A little sleepy there, Ger?”</p>
<p>She shakes her head a little, “I should have slept on the plane, but it always fucks with my neck.” </p>
<p>“Oh you should have said something, I could have volunteered as tribute, served as your pillow. Or at least, offered my magic,” he wiggles his fingers in the air, “touch service after the fact.”</p>
<p>“I forget sometimes, how generous you can be.” </p>
<p>“I’m a giver.” </p>
<p>She’s putting down her paperwork, and taps his head slightly for him to lift off. “I’m going to head in for the night I think,” she’s looking down at him like she’s still trying to decide whether she wants to keep him, “you can have free run of the house,” she clears her throat like she does when she’s confronted with something uncomfortable or she’s unsure about, “guest rooms and all.”</p>
<p>He stands up too, not wanting to have this conversation sprawled out on her couch. “Is that what you’d prefer? It’s your house, your rules, but I think I made it clear in England, I’m interested in spending time with you, all of your time, including you know, bed time.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” she gives him a prim nod, he grabs his bag he left by the front door and follows her back to her room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I felt a little bad about the last one and then way over corrected, so beware, nothing to see here but smut, you've been warned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is a ringing that is persistent to the point of insanity, but he’s still unwilling to move. He feels the bed shift as she reaches out to stop the noise, both the most wonderful thing she could do but also a sign she’ll be leaving the cocoon of her bed.</p><p>She rocks back a little not getting out of bed immediately which he takes as an invitation, reaching over for her. He pulls himself to her side, his head into her side and arms slung low over her hips. </p><p>“Stay,” he breaths into her silk pajamas. Her shirt rode up a little in her sleep revealing some skin, his finger tracing along the top of her bottoms.</p><p>“I’ve got meetings. I’ve got to get up,” she tells him but isn't pulling away. She runs her fingers through his hair, fingernails dragging in the most perfect way.</p><p>“Fuck ‘em. Say I kidnapped you, held you hostage in your bed until I was well and sated.”</p><p>It makes her laugh and she slips down farther into the bed, revealing more of her skin. Roman’s hand slips up, feeling all the new exposed parts of her.</p><p>“Oh yeah? What torture shall I tell then I endured?”</p><p>“Well, the obvious, that I put my vile little ferret hands all over you,” He emphasizes the point by slipping his hand higher, grazing the underside of her breast.</p><p>“What else?”</p><p>He leans over her more, pulling his hands from under her shirt and moving them to the buttons of her top. Slowly her gets the short undone. “I unburdened you of your clothing.”</p><p>His hands roam over all the newly exposed flesh, followed by his mouth. He starts at her collarbone, lapping at the perfect, freckled skin, as his hand cups her breast. Her sighs tell him to keep going. His thumb playing with her nipple, before his mouth takes up the task, his other hand beginning in the opposite. </p><p>“Then I devoured you, licked and touched ever inch,” he says before switching the breast he’s attached to.</p><p>She outright moans, parts her legs a little more, her body telling him he’s on the right track. He mouths his way up her chest and neck. Pulling back to align their faces he drops down and steals a quick peck. She doesn't let him stop there, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him to her. He spoke too soon, she seems to be the devour-er here.</p><p>He matches her pace, loving how easy she is to follow in this way, all of her moves are complementary, their tongues working as a team to get him as hard as possible, impossibly fast. She sucks on his tongue in an obscene way, he knows it's intended to remind him of something else, something he can’t even fathom her doing or he’ll go off like a Japanese satellite launch he was in charge of. </p><p>When they break the kiss he sits up and slides down the bed lower. He wore just briefs to bed, mostly because he didn’t have much other stuff clean and he was worried if he wore too much he’d be a gross sweaty mess. By comparison, she is wearing far too many clothes. Once he has her bottoms off, he retraces their journey in reverse with his hands until he reaches his goal. Re-capturing her mouth, he tries to multi-task putting his fingers to work. The short, ragged breath she releases, the way her head pushes back into the pillow behind her head, tells him he’s on the right track. </p><p>She seems to be enjoying herself, her gasps turning into moans, but doesn't like being so passive. Her hand is sliding up the front of his briefs making him falter in his movements. His head drops to her shoulder, mouthing at her neck in pure bliss. </p><p>“Didn’t say I wouldn’t fight back,” her voice is husky, deep, sexed out. </p><p>“Fight fucking dirty don’t you.”</p><p>“Roman,” it’s stern but wrapped up in a moan.</p><p>“What?” he’s trying to focus on anything but the hand slipping below his waist band. </p><p>“Fuck me.” </p><p>He doesn’t need any additional direction, slipping out of her grasp, removing their remaining clothing. He lays back over her, brushes himself against her, trying to push her limits but mostly testing his own. If the nails on his shoulder is any indication, she’s as close as he is. But the level of her impatience surprises him, as she’s reaching down and positioning him, pulling him closer to get what she needs. </p><p>“Desperate for it huh? Been a little while?” he teases as he pushes in and then he can’t think.</p><p>Her hands are constant pressure, begging him for more. The movement of her hips indicate she knows better than him what she needs. He slides his arm around her back, and rolls them so she can be on top, where she belongs. Her shocked and frustrated expression makes him laugh a little. It takes a second for her to situate herself, but just as he thought, she’s better in charge, totally beyond his level of competency. Her hips move at the perfect rate, nails dragging on his chest. Watching her work, being able to touch her, feel her, he isn’t sure he’ll be able to last much longer. He licks his thumb and  reaches between them, adding just what she needs most. He moves up and wraps her in his arms when he comes, holding her close to him as her body shakes from her trailing release. If he had his way, they’d never move, but it’s less than a minute and she’s leaning across him checking the time on her phone, dislodging them from one another. </p><p>“Now I really have to go,” she sighs. Testing her legs as she gets out of the bed. </p><p>He’s collapsed back on the bed, not wanting to diminish his high, his eyes follow her around the room. “Call-in sick, let's do that all day.” </p><p>“Some of us have work to do,” she says on her way to disappearing in the bathroom. </p><p>He can’t get himself to move, his mind totally blank except how good he feels and how soft the bed below him is. He doesn’t know how long it’s been when she comes out of the bathroom again, robe on, hair all neatly straightened. </p><p>She looks over at him on the way to her closet, “What is your plan exactly? Just lay there all day, dick in your hand?” </p><p>“Well I’m not ruling it out, got some good game tape to review.” </p><p>Stepping into a grey dress she looks over her shoulder to him, “You are welcome to hang around here, just don’t you know, ejaculate on everything.” </p><p>He laughs. “I think I’ll take you up on that. Work is on West Coast time, so I’ve got another two hours before anyone’s even thinking about looking at their emails.”</p><p>She’s walking over to him and then turns around, “Zip me up?” </p><p>He rolls over to meet her at the side of the bed and does as he’s asked, zipping up the dress, and pushing aside her hair and kissing her neck. She turns and steals a kiss. </p><p>“When will you be done today you think?” he’s a little too eager. </p><p>“Seven?” she asks and he kisses her again. </p><p>“Let me take care of dinner, I’ll see you at seven.” </p><p>“Have a good day.” She pats his cheek and leaves him in bed to finish getting herself ready. She texts him on her way out the door, saying she’s left a key for him. </p><p> </p><p>He’s actually pretty surprised she’s let him stay, wonders if it’s a sign of trust or that she’s so boring he wouldn’t be able to find anything if he snoops. </p><p>He runs out to grab coffee and orders a fresh pair of clothes for tomorrow. Then settling into her dining room, he opens his laptop and starts working for the day. It’s pretty boring and he’s surprised it’s so easy to work away from the office. He has a couple of good phone meetings and is able to get everything he needs done, including booking a ticket back to LA. It pains him to have to do it, but he knows it’s the reality. </p><p>By 5 pm, he’s pretty amped up. He got good news on a couple productions in work.  If he could cook he’d make her dinner, but all he can do is frozen pizza and a very rare or very well done steak. At around 3, he found himself online shopping while on calls, put in a couple of orders to be 2 hour delivered by messenger so he's running down to the lobby fairly regularly to pick up his gifts.  </p><p>Gerri texts at 7:15 that she’s on her way, and he puts in an order for food. He watches from his spot in the dining room when she arrives, her taking off her shoes, pulling off her coat, putting all of her things in their exact place. </p><p>He gets up to greet her once her hands are free, peering around the corner at her, “Hey. Welcome home.” </p><p>The smile he receives is new, sweeter and softer than he usually gets. “Hey. You’re still here.” </p><p>He laughs a little, “Yeah, well, free wifi and all that. Do you want a drink?” </p><p>“That’d be lovely.” </p><p>He walks to the bar and starts lifting things up for her approval until he gets a nod. He pours her a glass of scotch. </p><p>“Dinner should be here shortly,” he offers with a smile. “How was your day?”</p><p>“Oh, you know, business and contracts and idiots, made a few morons cry a little.” </p><p>“Any of those morons related to me?” </p><p>She smirks, “Well there’s still time left in the day. How was yours?”</p><p>“Fantastic, found all your dirty little secrets, you’re a naughty girl.” </p><p>“So you’ve found all the dead bodies and GHB?” </p><p>He laughs, “You know what I haven’t done yet, which is obscene?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Gotten my kiss hello,” he takes a step forward, waiting for her to meet him halfway. She doesn’t budget. “Geraldine, I labor all day, invite you to my home, pour you a drink, buy you dinner, and you can’t even offer a good man a kiss for all that.” </p><p>“Don’t call me that,” but it was enough to get her to come offer him a kiss on the cheek. </p><p>He sneaks his arm around her, gooses her, and steals a real kiss. “Hello dear.” </p><p>Gerri’s phone is buzzing on the table, indicating their food has arrived. “Be a good dear, fetch our food,” returning his ass grab to motivate him out the door. </p><p>They split up everything, which was way too much, and tuck in at the end of the dining table wasn’t occupied with his work stuff.</p><p> </p><p>“I had a thought.” He poses over mostly consumed dinner.</p><p>“Dangerous concept.” </p><p>“I had a thought, I’m going to Cannes in a couple weeks, and then we have 12 days of production in Spain for a project.” </p><p>“Uh huh.” </p><p>“Fancy a visit? I think Shiv has the yacht now, but maybe take it out, make some better memories on it? Or I'm sure there are plenty of places to rent for a week if you'd prefer to stay in the city? We could go to Rome, plenty of terrible drunk sad memories there I'd like to replace with good ones.”</p><p>“It’s a very nice thought.” </p><p>The response is a little discouraging, “Too nice to pass up?” </p><p>“Well, there are probably some other things we should talk about first.” </p><p>“Okay,” the uneasiness about this conversation creeping in.</p><p>She reaches out and touches his arm. “I just want to know how you see us fitting into each other's lives now. I thought, I keep thinking, it’s one thing with you, and then you surprise me and I find myself unable to let go.”</p><p>“Why would you have to let go?” </p><p>“Self-preservation? I don’t know. It’s not, I’m not saying it's good or right, just that we never really had all the conversations that are had the first time around. It’s not that I don’t want to have a vacation, trip, based thing, it’s just, I want to be clear about what it is you’re looking for here, so I don’t make space for something else that isn’t coming.”</p><p>He pushes his plate away from himself, and runs his hands through his hair, trying to pull his thoughts together, his face is suddenly really itchy. “Were you fucking testing me? Last night. It was a test to see if I’d hang out with you while you work and not leave cause you weren’t looking to fuck.” </p><p>“It wasn’t a test, there wasn’t any pass or fail, I just wanted to know if it wasn’t the usual games we play that you’d still be here. That you’d be okay with nights where I work late and don’t give you 100% of my attention.” </p><p>“I’m not some fucking flighty dog, I’m fucking here Gerri. I get it, I ran away, not great, but like, I’m here now, until tomorrow, so okay, I get that too. But you know,” he feels hot, like his face is red and he’s not in control of what’s happening. “I suggested Spain because you work really hard and you deserve a break, and I don’t want to inconvenience you, plus I feel bad about living in LA now. Like I should be here, I should have been here for 3 fucking years and we shouldn’t be having to figure this out now, cause I should have had a life with you already. That’s what I want. You asked me what I want, well, I don’t actually care about the other stuff. I want to sit on the couch with you while you work, and watch you take your heels off at the end of the day, and harass you in the morning with my boners and bad breath. I don't want you to worry about having to let go of me, or how much room to make. I'm here, I wish it was easier, but I'm here even if it's kinda shitty and hard for a while.” </p><p>She leans over and kisses him, kisses him for a long time. When they finally pull apart she holds his cheeks, “If it was a test, you passed.” </p><p>“Fucking knew it, you bitch.” </p><p>“I think I could be convinced to come to Spain.” </p><p>“Oh yeah, will you need a lot of convincing? Sunny, beautiful country, sexy, fuck god boyfriend, good food, better wine?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’d do it.” </p><p>She stands up and takes their dishes to the kitchen leaving them on the counter and returning to him. When she returns she takes his hand, guiding him to the couch in the living room. </p><p>“Is this when you tell me you have to work again tonight?”</p><p>“No, my attention is all yours, see if you can do something to deserve it.” </p><p>He pounces on her, pressing her back into the couch arm. He’s trying his best to get to second base but finds her dress constricting and too thick for his attempts to get him what he wants.</p><p>He stands up, offering her a hand to pull her up with him, spinning her away so he can unzip her dress. It's the first time he’s seen her get dressed in the morning and been able to take it off of her. He pushes her hair to the side clearing her neck. The zipper slides down with ease, revealing a sliver of her pale back. </p><p>“I used to think about this constantly. Meeting after meeting of you putting idiots in there place, all prim and proper, your gorgeous dresses, buttony blouses, your fucking pearls. What it’d take to get you out of your armor, wreck you, make you as weak as the rest of us.”  He slides his hands along her shoulders, pulling her dress open, taking it down her arms until it’s folded over her waist and her bra is exposed. “You were always such a fucking tease.” </p><p>That surprises her enough to get her to pipe up, “what?” </p><p>He slides his hand along her rib cage, pulling her closer to him until he back is against his chest. “Oh you know what you did. Buttoning my buttons,” he kisses her bare neck, “those sighs on our calls, never participating but fucking hot for it.” His hand slides up, feeling the weight of her breast in his hand, not enough pressure to really satisfy her, “right on this couch, touching me, acting like I couldn’t smell you.” </p><p>Her head falls back against his shoulder. He pushes her dress over her hips and it falls to the floor. One hand returns to her breasts, pulling her out of the cup of her bra, playing with her nipple until she rewarded him with a soft moan. His other hand on her hip just resting finger tips below the waistband of her panties.</p><p>“I used to replay that night over and over, all sad and alone in California. Thought about how your voice gets heavier the hornier you are, how you make these quiet little sighs that just build and build until you're there,” his hand slips down, finding her heat, completely ready for him. “I'd just lay there with my sad little cock, replaying the same thing, night after night.” </p><p>He’s got his middle finger playing her, his erection pressed firmly into her ass. He can’t help but rock his hips, just the friction he needs. </p><p>“And your goddamn taunts, the fucking mouth on you, how smug you’d get about making me cream my pants just on your words alone. Don’t seem so smug now. How do you think I felt, right there, on that couch, you just decimating me. Like I wasn’t dying for you to climb aboard, like that could even be a possibility, even with you right there smelling like you were fucking ready for it, you didn’t ever give me what I really wanted. Never let me have it all. Had to fucking take it in the end."</p><p>Her hips are moving with his now, "You want more don't you? Fucking dying for it. I could, I could bend you over, put your hands on the back of this couch, take you for all your worth, but you never gave me that. It wouldn't be fair to give you what you want. Your little tests, you don’t fucking deserve a reward.” She’s basically panting now, he knows she’s close. “Testing me, like you didn't know, this was it for me, that I’m all fucking in, you’re it, it’s only you. Gerri, it's only you, will only ever be you.”  Her legs clamp around his hand and her head presses back into his shoulder. </p><p>She takes a minute to recover, Roman supporting her weight. When she’s steady, she gives him a short kiss, “What the fuck was that?” </p><p>“Something I thought about for a long fucking time.” </p><p>“Oh yeah?” </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“Well there is something I’ve thought about too.” She kisses him again, and starts to unbutton his shirt buttons, pushing it off his shoulders, unbuckling his belt. When his pants are undone she pulls back from the kiss with a wicked smile. His hands are suddenly in hers, as she sinks backwards to sit on the couch. </p><p>He moves to follow her but she stops him, a hand on the side of his thigh, before moving up to pull his pants and briefs down. He closes his eyes, not sure he can handle more than one sense for this.</p><p>Her hand is slick, he’s not able to think about how, and the friction is exquisite. The pace is slow, and he knows she must be waiting him out. It takes everything he has to open his eyes and look down. “Fuck,” he whines. Her perfect manicured fingers are wrapped around him, her breath at the tip of him. He has to close his eyes again or he’ll be undone. His hand drifts to her head, but she isn’t moving. </p><p>He tries to steady his mind, thinks of all the times Kendall threw up in his cars, on his shoes, in his room over the years, and he thinks under control. But nothing could prepare him for it, Gerri’s mouth on him, her fucking perfect pink lipstick, bright eyes staring up at him. It’s totally over. He groans out a warning before he’s gone. </p><p>He has it in him enough to throw his body next to her, landing on the couch. “Good fucking lord.” </p><p>“You seemed to like that.” </p><p>“You think? Jesus woman, I could have died.” </p><p>They just lay there, leaning against one another, feeling sated and powerful. At some point the AC kicks in and the breeze makes Roman uncomfortable, requiring him to pull his underwear back on. </p><p>“It’s a school night.” Gerri finally says quietly. “We’ll both be double fucked if we fall asleep on this couch.” </p><p>He doesn’t want to move, but knows she’s right. Being the gentlemen, he stands first, offering her a hand, letting her lead the way to the bedroom. He showers while she gets ready for bed. Slipping into bed after she’s already in, he notices her attire was seemingly more sexy silk than the pant suit deals he’s previously seen her in. </p><p>They didn’t so much cuddle last night, as he curled up into her side for a while and then rolled away in his sleep. </p><p>“Not to end this wonderful evening on a downer,” Roman poses as he pulls himself to her side. “But when am I going to see you again?” </p><p>“I guess that’s going to be the ever present question from here on in, isn’t it?” </p><p>“I have things to take care of the rest of the week, and am much as I’d love to, I don’t think I can just fly back this weekend. Your daughters are in town this weekend right? So that’s not going to work anyway.” </p><p>“I could try and come out there, the weekend after next, before you head off to France. Friday to Sunday. See the world you’ve built for yourself.” </p><p>It pains him to think about how far away it is, but the thought of her coming out to visit him, staying with him, seeing his office, some of his favorite places, it makes him a little giddy. “That’d be amazing.” </p><p>“So a little less than two weeks.” </p><p>“If you think about it, we started out long distance. So this is just reverting to the norm.” </p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>He kisses her shoulder, “I’ve already got so many terrible ideas, you’re going to hate long distance dating me so much, you’ll give up and make one of us move.”</p><p>“I don’t think we’re to that point yet, but it’s crossed my mind.”</p><p>“Mine too, but I guess until then, we’ll make it work?”</p><p>"I don't want pictures of you dick, just to be clear, that wont make me want to move." </p><p>He laughs, "Noted, only balls and asshole for Ms. Kellman."</p><p>"Fucking hell, you're disgusting." </p><p>He nestles up to her, "You love it." </p><p>"Maybe I do."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Two chapters in two days, what is this, July?</p><p>Thanks again for all of your wonderful, inspiring feedback, you guys really kicked my ass in gear on this one.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kendall called.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?”</p>
<p>Traffic is a gridlock, so he didn’t wait until he got home to give Gerri a call. His day has been boring, but the conversation with Kendall made him want to talk to Gerri sooner rather than later. </p>
<p>“He wants to go camping.” </p>
<p>He suspects he’s probably still 20 minutes out from getting to his house. It’s only 6 pm in LA, but that means it’s 9 for Gerri. He wonders how long she’ll let him ramble for before she hangs up on him to do better things. It’s Friday night, so she shouldn’t have to do work. He’s been kicking himself all day feeling like he dropped the ball at planning something they could do together, a long distance date of sorts.</p>
<p>“Why would he want to do something like that?”</p>
<p>“Iverson’s birthday, apparently he wants to do it cause the other boys in his grade are into it. I think I’m gonna have to get Chris Evans to send him a signed Captain America shield or something cause not gonna fucking do that.”</p>
<p>“You know Chris Evans now? Is this how you tell me all your new California friends are also dating with a 20 year age difference? We’ll have so much to talk about.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got to be used to it at this point right? All the old fuckers in the office have to be on their second or third wife. You’ve sat through plenty of dinners with 27 year old gallery girls turned housewives to be able to handle the California model girlfriend crowd.”</p>
<p>“Just because I can doesn’t mean I’d want to. There’s only so many conversations to be had about fad diets and wellness retreats.”</p>
<p>“Okay well I promise if you have to hang out with any of my friends, we can vet the WAGs first, make sure they're up to your conversational standards.” </p>
<p>She sighs like he isn’t understanding her, “Roman, I’m not saying that, but not a terrible thought.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, everyone out here who I actually like are married to people they met in college and have like 2 kids. All the single grown men losers like me are terrible hangs.”</p>
<p>“Is that all Kendall wanted to say?” Gerri asks, clearing leading.</p>
<p>“He mentioned there are some things in the company he might like some input on. Was that your doing Lady Macbeth?”</p>
<p>“Actually no, we were in a meeting about some production stuff and changes in the entertainment sector and he just out of the blue said, he’d follow up with you on some of it. I have to tell you, there were some pretty comically shocked faces in the room.” </p>
<p>It surprises him, he assumed it was something Gerri was pushing for, maybe some small effort to bring him back in, or make a transition back to New York easier. He’s a little disappointed she didn’t, he got a little excited about the idea of her pulling the strings, motivated by her desire to have him permanently closer. </p>
<p>“He put something on the books for Monday, all official like, Jess sent an actual invite so I have a conference call to an office line on my calendar and everything.”</p>
<p>“I have to say, I am curious about what you do all day. Certainly some time has passed, but as I remember it, your typical work style required the promise of future sexual favors to create any meaningful progress.” </p>
<p>“Har-dee fucking har. Like you ever made any promises, couldn’t even get you to reply to a winky face emoji let alone send me something to keep me focused.” </p>
<p>“Oh yes, I’m sure some distasteful photo of my tits would have kept you totally focused on the work at hand.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know, let's give it the old college try, send a couple bad boys over here and I’ll let you know what it does to my motivation.” </p>
<p>“I don’t think so.”</p>
<p>“Worth a shot.” He’s finally pulling into his drive. Happy to be home where he can put his feet up with a drink and just listen to Gerri’s voice. “Is your daughter still coming into town tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“That’s the plan, yes. Expecting her at 11.”</p>
<p>“Not to be a dick, but it’s Hannah right, the older one?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Hannah.”</p>
<p>“And Hannah is a lawyer.” </p>
<p>“Yes, Roman, are you going to proceed to tell me all the things you know about my daughter?”</p>
<p>“Well it will be a pretty short list, other than the other one is younger and named…” He suddenly can’t remember the name. “M, it starts with an M. Madeline? Matilda?”</p>
<p>“Margaret.” </p>
<p>“Maggie!" he says triumphantly, ready to sprout all the fact he knows about Maggie, "Shiv hated Maggie. I don’t know if you knew that.”  Turns out he didn't know many.</p>
<p>“Yeah, well that’s the thing about your sister isn’t it, not particularly subtle when it comes to her opinions.”</p>
<p>“Maggie is a doctor. Shiv hated that too. God, imagine if we had another sister, they wouldn’t both survive.”</p>
<p>That makes Gerri laugh, he wonders what she’s doing, how distracted she is during this conversation. “What are you doing right now?”</p>
<p>“Reviewing balance sheets. What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Just got home. Looking at my sad empty fridge, thinking about what I could order so I don’t starve. Probably a burrito or something.” He pulls up a delivery app, “Balance sheets look good? My family fortune looks like it’s well positioned?” </p>
<p>“Mostly just checking to see if these guys know what they’re doing.” </p>
<p>“And do they?”</p>
<p>“There seems to be a basic level of competency.” </p>
<p>“You ever miss the good old days? You and Dad and the old guard, killing hookers on cruise ships and taking out a billion or two in loans under everyone's noses?”</p>
<p>She makes a disapproving noise, like she’s unimpressed with his assessment of the business, “I wouldn’t say all of that, but it was a different environment, one I had become accustomed to certainly but it’s not bad that it’s less volatile now.”</p>
<p>“You loved it.” </p>
<p>“There was an appeal to the chaos and terror. I wouldn’t say it’s boring now, we’ve just replaced perpetual fear with tedium and frustration. But Kendall is doing well.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do that.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You can tell me what you honestly think of my family, you don’t have to couch it in anything. I’m not a fucking narc, but I expect the same as you, if I tell you I think Kendall’s a little bitch sometimes, you can’t just be running off and spilling the beans.” He wants her to be more comfortable, open, with her thoughts and opinions. She is about most things, but she can be sensitive to work and family stuff.  </p>
<p>“Noted.” </p>
<p>He’s laying down on his couch, laptop on his stomach waiting for his food to arrive. Typically, he’d be catching up on the trades, putting around the internet, but he’s not in the mood. Talking to Gerri’s been great, they’ve texted everyday, but hearing her voice, picturing her, at home with her glasses on staring at spreadsheets, makes him sad. </p>
<p>“So what are you girls doing tomorrow?” </p>
<p>“Brunch, a little shopping, and then she’ll probably go visit with friends.” She sounds far away. He hears a glass setting down, assuming she’ refilled her wine glass. “Before you ask, I will not be discussing any of this with her.” </p>
<p>“Oh come on, you don’t think that’d be fun brunch convo? A young, rakish, Hollywood mogul is basically begging to be in your presence every second of the day, you don’t want to brag to your daughter about that?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I could imagine that going well. Han, remember that the asshole teenager who once hit a tennis ball in your face during a game of doubles and then offered you a shot of vodka to “take the pain away”. Well now he’s my…” She pauses, maybe looking for the word or maybe waiting for him to fill in the break. </p>
<p>“Night-time companion,” he offers. </p>
<p>“Boyfriend,” she makes her way to. </p>
<p>“Ohh I like that.” His gloating is interrupted by a buzzing on his phone telling him his food is at the door. “I could see why maybe you’re not ready to share that news quite yet. You’ve got some fucking work to do on the pitch.” </p>
<p>“What would you suggest?”</p>
<p>He unpacks his back of food on the counter, not bothering to get a plate. “I met this nice fella at work a couple years ago, it was a whirlwind romance, he was such a sweetheart but tragedy struck and he had to move across the country. We happened to reconnected on a business trip in Europe and have been giving it a go ever since.” </p>
<p>“Well I make it a rule not to lie too much to my children, so that would be, not my first approach.” There’s a little irritation in her voice. </p>
<p>He tears into the burrito. “Mhmmm, you’re right, whirlwind is a bit much, we can say slow burn.”  </p>
<p>“Are you eating?” she asks in mild disgust.</p>
<p>“Yeah, 2000 calories of rice, beans, beef and premium California produce.”</p>
<p>“That’s too many calories for a man your size.” </p>
<p>“What the fuck does that mean? A man my size, you mean a giant of industry?” purposefully masticating through the words as loudly as possible. </p>
<p>“I mean that you are short and sometimes resemble a strung out coke fiend.” </p>
<p>“Fucking rude. I’m taller than you.” </p>
<p>“We’re the same height.” </p>
<p>“Oh no, I didn’t think it’d happen so soon but you seem to be showing signs of dementia because there is no reason for anyone sane would ever suggest we are the same height.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind it. It’s actually kind of nice.”</p>
<p>He finishes his food, grabs a glass of whiskey, poors in a splash of soda and then returns to the couch, resting his drink on his stomach. All this talk of height reminds him of her legs. </p>
<p>“You’ve got nice calves.” </p>
<p>She laughs, breathy and genuine, “What?”</p>
<p>“I think you have very nice calves. I don’t know if I’ve told you that before.” There isn’t any tone of flirt or mirth in his voice, like the observation just came into his mind and he couldn’t do anything to stop himself from sharing.</p>
<p>“No, I hadn’t heard that, thank you?”</p>
<p>“Plenty of other great parts, just out here thinking about you in heels with your damn good calves. Guh, and your collarbones, don’t get me started on your collarbones.”</p>
<p>“Is this some new kink of yours? You’ve outgrown insults and have moved onto flattery?”</p>
<p>“Is it working?” </p>
<p>“Oh yes, nothing gets me hotter than hearing your thoughts on my calves.” The sharpness in her voice brings a smile to his face. </p>
<p>“I have a surprise for you.” He was thinking he’d be able to hold out on it for longer but the thought of it has been eating him alive. </p>
<p>“A good surprise?”</p>
<p>“You’ll hate it,” there’s a little too much glee in his tone for what’s reasonable for those words. “I left a couple things at your house.” </p>
<p>“What did you do?” It’s more accusation than curiosity.</p>
<p>“Kitchen, farthest drawer on the left side.” </p>
<p>He can hear her moving, clearly her curiosity is peaked enough to go right away. He hears the drawer slide open, and her little exasperated huff.</p>
<p>“Why?” </p>
<p>“I want to make sure your needs are met while we are apart. Figured I’d get you the best tools to make sure all the bases were covered.” </p>
<p>“I don’t need a vibrator Roman.” </p>
<p>Hearing her say “vibrator” does something to him. “Everyone can use a vibrator, don’t be such a prude.” He’s a little worried he crossed a line. </p>
<p>“Sorry, you misunderstood, I don’t need you to buy me a vibrator, Roman. I am an adult woman, I’ve handled my own needs in that department for quite some time.”</p>
<p>“So maybe it was a gift for me.” </p>
<p>“And you just thought what, you’d point me to a vibrator and I’d what, be so turned on just by the sight of it that I have no choice but to use it?”</p>
<p>“When you say it like that it sounds stupid.” The disappointment clear in his voice. </p>
<p>"Maybe because it is stupid." </p>
<p>"Okay, so you're telling me that while I'm out here, hornier than I've ever been in my whole fucking life, you are not enticed at all by the worlds best vibrator and me begging you to use it?" </p>
<p>He hears her soft sigh followed by, “It is getting late.” </p>
<p>He checks his watch, it’s only 10 there, she doesn’t usually turn in this earlier. “Is it?” </p>
<p>“Where are you?” </p>
<p>“Home on my couch with a whiskey soda, where are you?”</p>
<p>“Well you made me go to my kitchen, so I’m contemplating if I should go back to the couch or just call it for the night.” </p>
<p>“Why don’t you and your gift take a stroll to your bedroom?” </p>
<p>“Or I could hang up on you and go draw myself a bath and spend the rest of the evening relaxing.” </p>
<p>“I can support that plan as well, except hanging up on me, but if you must, the only fair thing to do would be to send me documentation of said bath, so I know your honesty policy is universal and not just for your children. I’d accept both video or still photos as proof. But, I’d be more supportive of you relaxing with me. Maybe slip into the little silk things I know you have now, switch to a head set, and slide into bed.” His voice is deeper, heavier, as he pictures her move through her home, changing her clothes, laying out on her bed. </p>
<p>There are a couple of rustling noises and then the audio quality changes. It’s the best signal he has that his plan is a go, so he settles in, contemplates taking off his pants now, but decides against it.</p>
<p>She sighs, he thinks she must finally be settled, having followed all his instructions. “So what are you going to tell me a bedtime story?” he can practically hear her smirk in her voice. </p>
<p>He laughs, happy she’s will to play along, “No, I’m going to listen to you fucking yourself." He hears her slight intake of breath at that, knows she's in on the plan just as hard as he is, "and then I'll jerk off like we’re a couple of normos. How does that sound Gerri?" </p>
<p>She gives a hum in agreement. </p>
<p>"Now help me set the scene, are you under the covers or on top?” </p>
<p>It gets a laugh out of her and that makes him feel less nervous. “On top.”</p>
<p>He’s picturing her on her bed, like she was that first night, “Silk nighty and panties?” </p>
<p>“You think I just followed everything you said like it was some sort of command?” </p>
<p>“Such a bitch,”  he’s practically giddy, “what are you wearing then?”</p>
<p>“La Perla robe.”</p>
<p>“Such a fucking tease, when I get my fucking hands on you, I’m gonna make you pay, leaving me with only my fucking imagination.” He’s rambling, regretting his decision to not strip earlier. He unbuckles and unzips his pants, pulling off his shirt. “Where are your hands?” </p>
<p>There’s a pause before she answers and her voice is a little off when she does, weak, “On my breast.” </p>
<p>“Fuck,” he says it out of instinct, before he’s even processes what she’s said. His hand floats down to the front of his pants. “They’re perfect, your breasts. They fit in my hands like they were fucking made to be there.” </p>
<p>“Such a man,” she laughs it, “no value of the life they sustained, just something for you to fucking handle.” </p>
<p>“Not just handle, lick, suck, tweak, go to fucking town on them, show my appreciation for all they’ve done.” </p>
<p>She sighs a little sigh, one letting him know she’s doing something he should take note of. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>She just hums in response and it frustrates him to no end. “If I was there, I’d move from your breasts down, lick my way down your body, trail of my slime over your chest, stomach, and hips. Is that where your hand is Gerri? Is that what you’re doing for me?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” It’s sharp, escapes with a gasp. </p>
<p>He pumps himself up for what comes next, remembering a time he cringed at the suggestion of it, but that feels like a lifetime ago. “Are you wet for me?” </p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>When he hears it, he slides his hand into his pants. The friction is too much, so he spits in his hand. Gerri must have caught it because suddenly she’s taking the lead. </p>
<p>“So vile, the thought of you with your prick in your hand, just making a total mess of yourself.” There is a strain in her voice, it seems both slower and quicker than normal. He wants so badly to be there with her, not even to touch her, just see her lips make the words, to look in her eyes.  </p>
<p>“You fucking love it, your fingers are slick with how much you love my dick and my mess. You couldn’t wait to get your mouth around it.” </p>
<p>The moan she responds with says she’s well and warmed up. “Pathetic little nothing,” she breathes out, he can barely make sense of it. </p>
<p>“Need a hand sweetie?” he taunts, “Let me help you, it’s right there next to you I’m sure.” </p>
<p>She hums and he strains himself listening as hard as humanly possible, but he’s rewarded. A faint buzz followed by a low, long sigh. He speeds his hand up to match her. The stimulus catches up with him, he can’t talk for a minute, slows down so he’s not first, works on gathering his breath.</p>
<p>“Rome.” He can picture it, her eyes closed tight, head pressed back, robe open exposing her chest, nipples puffy and abused, hand holding the toy lightly against her clit until her legs quake. He’s gone, spilling all over his hand with an unseemly grunt.</p>
<p>Before, they’d always hang up quickly after the climax on their special conference calls, but he has no desire to break away from her now. He catches his breath, “So much better when you're actively involved,” he sighs.</p>
<p>“Happy to be a part of it,” she says with a small laugh.</p>
<p>He grabs his shirt from the floor and wipes his hand on it and downs the rest of his drink. “You know this all started cause I could never do this before, I tried with Tabitha when I was at management training but just felt sick to my stomach the whole time, I just hung up on her. Then rang you and with like 5 words and I was fucking hard and panting. My dick is voice activated to yours alone.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure it’s something more pathological than that but I don’t regret the result.”</p>
<p>“We went round and round on that in therapy, don’t worry though we got it all sorted out, worked through all the trauma and self worth stuff so it’s all fucking peachy.” </p>
<p>“Roman Roy, talking positively about therapy, who would have figured.”</p>
<p>“You’d hate him, Dr. Neilson, fucking hippie in his 60’s, old California surfer, believes LCD can be medicinal and all that. Day one, watched me sit in a chair, fidget and avoid eye contact for an hour and said I wasn’t ready for emotional honesty and self reflection  yet, we’d start with attention and anxiety. But when he told me to try stuff, I did and I just kept going.” He’s proud of the work he put in, happy with the result as well. </p>
<p>“I never put much stock in all of it before, Baird and I did couples therapy when the kids were in their teens and the house was basically a war zone between the four of us, but it always felt like she and him were on a team out to get me. After he died, it was recommended I go see someone, the girls did so I sort of had to, it helped in small ways. I’m happy for you, that you’ve gotten so much out of it, that you’ve worked on it and can see the results.”</p>
<p> “Shiv once posited if Dad had had therapy we wouldn’t need so much.”</p>
<p>“We always had two schools of thought on that.”</p>
<p>“Who is we?” </p>
<p>“Frank and I. It would come up from time to time when we’d be on travel or something where you're stuck together for a long period of time. We’d game out the succession plan, talk through all the shit you kids had done.” </p>
<p>Hearing it’s Frank's thoughts makes him nervous because they spent so much time together when he was a fucking useless shirt. Obviously Gerri was around for those times as well, but he’d like for her to think of him as the successful man he is now not “the Dauphin.” </p>
<p>“Okay, I already hate it, but tell me.” </p>
<p>“Frank always thought of your, meaning all of the Roy children, difficulties with success were a product of your childhood environment and your father’s imposing shadow. He always wanted you to do something else, if you eventually came back to Waystar, whatever, but you had to make something of yourselves, for yourselves first.” </p>
<p>“Ugh, I hate nothing more than when Frank is right. What was your theory of it then?” </p>
<p>“Your father is very good at what he does, what people have put up with over the years just to stay at the table, boardline horrific. If he has that power over directors and VPs, people who just work for him when seemingly all it is to them is a job. You kids had no fucking chance.” </p>
<p>He hears her shifting, likely sliding into bed. He doesn’t want to feel lonely when he’s on the phone with her, but thinking of her alone in her bed, makes him irrationally frustrated. She gets softer when she’s tired, fewer harsh comebacks and less guarded. He’s pictured a Sunday morning, she’d get up and make herself coffee, then come back to bed and read while he drifts in and out curled up next to her. It makes him feel like a pet, but he likes it. </p>
<p>“I miss you,” he says softly. </p>
<p>“I miss you too,” her equally soft reply. </p>
<p>They talk softly for a little while longer, he asks what they’d be doing if he was there, fights with her on the no phone in bed policy she has. But eventually it’s late and she wishes him a nice night, in a sleepy, dreamy voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wonders how insane it’d drive everyone at work if he got on an eastern time schedule. Just another frustration about the distance. He takes a shower and brings his laptop and giant glass of water to bed, works for a couple hours to keep his mind clear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They text a bit in the morning but she goes radio silent around 11 which he assumes just means she’s busy. He goes to the gym, he’s been between trainers for a little while and has been using a phone app instead. It makes him feel like an idiot but he was cancelling all the time when he made appointments and will be on location for so long he has no better solution. </p>
<p>He’s made it back home when she calls. Before he can say hello, she’s already talking, “So much for that plan.” </p>
<p>“Hi, going that well huh?” He honestly didn’t expect to talk to her today. Figured they’d keep the routine of every other day with calls, but clearly she has unresolved stress she’s looking to work through or news.</p>
<p>“Disastrous actually.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got to give me more now, you’ve peaked my interest.” </p>
<p>“It was a nice lunch, she seems to be doing well, updates on her love life are always a little worrisome, but all in all to be expected. We go shopping a little, and then pick up coffee on the way back home and run into Jim.” </p>
<p>His stomach lurches, “Fuck that guy.” </p>
<p>“Jim is Jim, introduces himself, mentions the trip, flattery and all that, and we get out mostly unscathed but Hannah gets it in her head that it was planned. That this is my boyfriend and the run in was a casual introduction. She gets it from both of us, but fuck, she’s so subborn, can’t hear a word otherwise.” </p>
<p>“Uh huh.” He can’t trust himself to follow this to its natural conclusion alone. </p>
<p>“I insist that we just work together, and she leaves it for a little while. But you had to be a fucking man and leave a sweater here, which she found because apparently I don’t have a daughter I have a bloodhound. And it starts all again, how I’m lying to her, hiding things, all that. When, fuck her, I’m her mother, none of this should matter.” She sighs, he assumes she’s sitting down, wine in hand and has stopped to take a drink. “Anyway I guess we shouldn’t have a rule anymore if we keep breaking it.” </p>
<p>“So Hannah knows, which probably means Maggie knows, right?” </p>
<p>“Mhmm.” </p>
<p>“Did she, was it, did she seem upset about it? Like I guess about me?” </p>
<p>“It wasn’t a nice conversation, I’ll put it that way. But it wasn’t about you, it was about her.” Her voice is resigned. “She suggested, you come to my birthday dinner in July.” </p>
<p>“Well that doesn’t sound too bad, if I’m getting invitations to dinners at the end of it.” He’s trying to cheer her up. “I’m sorry that didn’t happen the way you hoped.”</p>
<p>“Best laid plans and all that.” </p>
<p>“I like it though, people knowing, I mean, it was necessary at work when we were just playing games to be secret, but it makes it feel real, tangible,  people knowing.” </p>
<p>“I have to go, she’ll be out of the shower soon, I just wanted you to know.”</p>
<p>“Okay, well good luck, and send me the birthday invite, I’ll make sure I schedule to be in New York.” </p>
<p>“Sounds good.” </p>
<p>There is a lull, before either hangs up, where “I love you” typically sits, but they aren’t there yet. He’s realized what he felt for her all this time, may be love, certainly it’s deeper than what he’s felt for everyone else in his life, but he doesn’t want to use it like he has in the past.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He thinks he made the wrong call when he gets into the arrivals gate. She told him she’d get an uber, it probably looks pretty desperate to show up now. After 20 minutes, he really feels like an idiot, until he sees her on the escalator. She doesn’t notice him until she’s about 12 feet away, and the surprise on her face makes it all worth it. </p>
<p>“This is unexpected.” She’s stopped in front of him, bag behind her. </p>
<p>“Hi,” he says, suddenly nervous. </p>
<p>He doesn’t know if it’s okay to kiss her in public, but she leans across him and kisses his cheek hello like they’re french. “Hi,” she gestures for him to lead the way, “thought I’d get lost or?”</p>
<p>“Worried some heartthrob would charm you in first class and you’d just never make it to mine.” </p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>He guides her to the door, realizing late he should offer to take her bag. Making the gesture that he could take it, she actually laughs at him, “Piss off, since when are you this guy?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They step out into the night, he guides her to the hired car. “There was quite the conversation at the office today, the twenty somethings all said it was fine to just have you uber, it shows I respect your independence. The married staff said best show some initiative and come out. I erred on the side of caution.” </p>
<p>The driver grabs the bag from her, as Roman holds the door so she can slip in. When they’re safely stowed away in the car he leans over and kisses her. </p>
<p>“Hi. Welcome to LA. How was your trip?” all smiles.</p>
<p>“Good and thank you, it is a little much, but I do appreciate the company.” </p>
<p>“Do you want to stop for anything? Did you have dinner?” </p>
<p>“I ate in New York, time zones, so for me it’s 11 now.” </p>
<p>He’s staring at her and she’s looking at her phone, replying to messages but looks up at him every so often. “Is everything alright Rome?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, great, just a little crazy, you’re here. World’s converging, I didn’t think it would ever really happen.”</p>
<p>She pats his leg and turns to face him, “I’m here and I promise it’s real.” </p>
<p>He leans in and steals another kiss, rests a hand on the back of her neck, spreading his fingers wide into the base of the bun her hair is pulled into. It has been less then two weeks and yet touching her makes him feel like he’s been asleep for a decade. “I missed you,” he says softly when he pulls back.  </p>
<p>“I missed you too.” </p>
<p>He sees she has a text window open on her phone, Maggie K. Knowing it might not be the best time for it, but wanting to get weekend awkwardness out of the way, “How are the girls?” nodding at the phone in her hand. </p>
<p>She closes the window and sets it aside, “Well enough.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I had two new follow requests on instagram this week, one Hannah Kellman and a Margaret K.” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” </p>
<p>“Maggie proceeded to like a series of old photos of Tabitha and me. Bold move, you have to respect it. I assumed you passed down your subtle style of evisceration, but it's nice to see the next generation goes for brutality over finesse.” </p>
<p>She smiles a little, “They are forces to be reckoned with, that is certain. Too smart for their own good too.” </p>
<p>“Like their mother that way.” </p>
<p>She pats his leg, “I want to say they’ll lighten up, but I honestly have no idea. It’s not like this is something they are accustomed to in the first place, let alone it being my boss’ son, whom they both previously disliked for a series of reasons.”</p>
<p>“Baird died like 10 years ago,” he catches her wince at that, “I mean that respectfully, fuck, sorry.” </p>
<p>“It’s fine, yeah, they are well-adjusted from the loss, but they haven’t been around me with anyone else. Obviously, I think they are aware I’ve dated men since, but certainly none I’ve introduced to them.” </p>
<p>“What?” the shock carries in his voice.</p>
<p>“What?” she studies his face, confused about his confusion.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know that, I wouldn’t have, I feel like an asshole now.” </p>
<p>“It’s fine, there was never anything serious before, and it was bound to happen eventually, there would be questions or something that would give it away.”</p>
<p>“I did something bad maybe then.” </p>
<p>“What did you do?” the grip of her hand on his leg tightens.</p>
<p>He sighs and says it as fast as possible, “Followed back and then liked all the photos on Maggie’s feed with  you in them. It was only like 3, I thought it was funny?” </p>
<p>She shakes her head.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I thought we were being funny. I didn’t think and she was being a dick, so I figured maybe fair play?”</p>
<p>She turns to look him in the eye, “I want to be clear about this, you can’t be a dick to my kids, I know you don’t mean to all the time and there will be mistakes. But, it has taken a lot of work to get to a good place with them and over everything else they’re my kids. You guys can not get along, that’s fine, but it can’t be from you, you can’t be the one antagonizing. Do you see where I’m coming from on this one?” </p>
<p>He nods profusely, apologizing again, swearing he won’t. The silence that follows is a little uncomfortable, and Gerri returns to her phone, but her hand remains on his leg, so he thinks things will be alright. </p>
<p>He can’t help the smile that creeps up on him, “So I’m the first boyfriend you're bringing home to the family? Cause we’re unmarried, will they make us stay in different rooms?” <br/>She laughs, “You probably never had to deal with that kind of madness, no fucking supervision your entire life. We visited Baird’s parents a couple times when we were dating and engaged, I had to share a bed with his sister. Talk about fucking indignity.” </p>
<p>He smiles, “You two go toes to nose or cuddle up, get all kinds of familiar with the Kellman clan?”</p>
<p>She slaps his arm, “Fuck off.” </p>
<p>“I’m not a jealous man, if you’d like to share any of your past lesbian experiences, I’m happy to hear. The 70s and 80s were a wild time, no doubt you got up to all kinds of debauchery.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure all my stories will pale in comparison to the ones your mind conjures up.” </p>
<p>“Come on, you have to give me something, what is Gerri Kellman like coked up?” he curls up on the seat, pivoting so his legs are in her lap. </p>
<p>“A lot like Gerri Kellman not on cocaine actually, I was told quite often that my high seemed to be more organized than others, I think they just meant it was annoying I never took my clothes off like the other girls.” </p>
<p>“Guh, even on drugs you’re a killer bitch, I can just see it,” he reaches for her shirt collar, “young, curly hair you, pupils all blown out, reading fucking briefs, scattering post-it notes, brain running like it’s on fire. So fucking hot.” </p>
<p>She laughs and bats away his hand, “Surely not, but don’t let me ruin your fantasy with facts.” </p>
<p>“It’s kind of a bummer, that you have all these secrets and a life lived, while you know basically everything about me.” </p>
<p>She laughs at him and pulls his head to her shoulder, scratches through his hair. “Like the fucking world revolved around you? I wasn’t your fucking nanny, I know basic things about your life sure, but I had my own life requiring 100% of my attention, I had a husband and kids. What I absorbed about your existence for probably 20 years was when you’d supremely fuck up and your father made a point of ranting about it, or seeing you at thanksgiving. If I had to take a quiz about your life, I’d likely fail just as you would for me.”</p>
<p>“So you’re saying you don’t think you know anything about me after how much time you spent with our family? You are Shiv's godmother.” </p>
<p>“Well that was really more Baird’s thing, but sure I know you went to St Andrew’s at some point and some military school, you had pretty shitty grades but other than that, you were always just a mopey kid who got the worst of it.” She shrugs.</p>
<p>“Where did you go to school? Seems fair if you know mine, I know yours.”</p>
<p>“Princeton undergrad and Yale Law.” </p>
<p>“Oh, of course you did.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry?” she laughs, “Were you hoping for Smith or Wellesley? ”</p>
<p>“Oh if that were the case, that would be all we talked about all night,” he teases.</p>
<p>The car slows and he looks out the window, realizes they are at his house. He opens the door, holds it for her while she gets out and then grabs her bag from the driver. She’s looking at his house with some scrutiny.</p>
<p>“Not what I expected,” she looks at him, “California Roman is full of surprises.” </p>
<p>He grabs her hand and drags her along to the front door, unlocking it and then pulling her case next to the door. He slips his shoes off and asks for her coat, which she obliges.</p>
<p>“Can I get you a drink?” he asks.</p>
<p>“Whatever your having,” she’s still taking in her surroundings, “How long have you been here?”</p>
<p>“Little over 2 years, bought it after the first movie sold,” he’s a little self conscious, “you like it?”</p>
<p>“It's great, not what I pictured from your old penthouse days, but it's nice.”</p>
<p>“Fucking nice, okay,” he huffs.  </p>
<p>He returns with a glass of whisky that is clearly meant to share. He offers it to her first, “Do you want to take a shower or anything? You must be tired, so I’d understand if bed is a priority too.” </p>
<p>She nods, taking a long sip then handing the drink back to him, “A shower sounds fucking amazing.” </p>
<p>He grabs her case and leads her upstairs to the master bathroom, something he clearly refinished. “Who knew you loved teak so much,” she jokes.</p>
<p>“Makes me feel like I’m at sea.” He smiles and then steps out, leaving her with privacy.</p>
<p>He locks up the house, brushes his teeth in the spare room then strips down to boxer briefs and lays on the bed, browsing instagram. </p>
<p>He looks up when the door opens, a little delayed, Gerri walking towards him in what he assumes is her La Perla robe. </p>
<p>“Better than I imagined,” he smiles, sitting up as she walks to the other side of the bed. “Come here,” throwing out an arm while dropping his phone on the side table. </p>
<p>She climbs onto the bed, allows herself to be wrapped in his arms. “I missed you,” he says into her hair. </p>
<p>Gerri hums, “Prove it.” </p>
<p>He shifts over her, capturing her lips, leaning in until her head hits the pillow below. His hand moves to support him freeing the other to slide his hand into her hair. She opens the kiss, sliding her tongue against his and he tastes her toothpaste. He’s enjoyed kissing before, but not in the way he enjoys kissing Gerri. There’s no clock ticking in the back of his mind counting down til the next part. He’s not focused on the mechanisms, he used to concentrate so hard on how to move his mouth. With Gerri he just feels consumed, excited but satiated, like he can take what he wants but all he wants is to give her what she wants. </p>
<p>She hums, which he knows now means she’s frustrated. He slides his hand off her neck and along the silk of her robe, down to her breast, filling his hand. There is an approving noise from her. He pulls back, nipping her lip as he goes. She looks up at him, hovering there above her and smiles. She reaches up to recapture his lips but he shifts back a little to stay out of her reach. He thinks she has the cutest frown when she doesn’t get what she wants and offers her a wink as consolation. </p>
<p>He dips his head, licking and then mouthing at her nipple through the silk. Feeling the heat of her just below the coolness of the slicked silk. The moan she releases makes him smile against her chest. A couple more sighs and her hand sliding into his hair and he returns to her lips, thinking he’s earned himself a reward. </p>
<p>She’s more aggressive than before, worrying his lip between her teeth, pulling his hair. He thinks about teasing her just to see how wound up he can make her, but thinks of her smile and his mood for games disappears. Moving to her neck , he rakes his teeth against her. </p>
<p>Her hand puts pressure on his shoulder until he shifts off of her so they are laying on their sides. Sliding from his shoulder to his neck, she pulls him back in. He slaps his hand down on her ass and grips, pulls her tighter against him. She responds with a little squeak of surprise. He’s pressed firmly against her now so she can feel him. Reluctantly, he lets go of her ass and slips his hand between them, pulling the knot in her robe out, exposing her skin. His hand slides up her rib cage, cupping her breast again as she hums her appreciation. </p>
<p>She reaches down and strokes him over his briefs. He pulls back a little to look at her. Her eyes are scanning him, studying him, but in a heavy way that makes his ears feel hot. She’s smirking, which only gets bigger when she squeezes him, making him shudder. </p>
<p>She’s totally bare beneath the robe. One slow pass of her hand over his waistband is enough encouragement he needs to push down his briefs. Returning his hand to her ass he pulls her closer to him, shifting to align them better for his end goal. He recaptures her mouth. </p>
<p>After a few minutes of heavy petting, her patience gives out and she slips a leg over his hip, inviting him in. It takes him a minute to get the angle right but a couple words of encouragement have him confident in his pace. He knows it’ll be  embarrassingly short, as his thrusts become erratic and he’s so close to the edge. A hand in his  hair tightens and he can’t hold on, caving in on her. </p>
<p>He feels her kiss his head and shudders as he slips out of her. Blinking, he watches her as she returns to the bathroom, legs a little shaky. He hooks his tossed off underwear and uses it to clean himself up before slipping beneath the sheets. She returns, robe re-cinched, hair askew, lips puff, but happy. </p>
<p>She falls asleep quickly which he blames on the time zone differences and travel, not a referendum on his company. He turns on his side, sliding his back up to hers so they are touching along a dozen or so vertebrae. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wakes up alone again, his phone telling him is 7:30 so Gerri has likely been up for hours on east coast time. He finds her in the kitchen on her laptop, cup of coffee next to her, phone to her ear.</p>
<p>“Morning,” he smiles, walking to the coffee maker. </p>
<p>She gives him a nod and gestures behind her to the table where there is take out laid out. </p>
<p>“Yum,” he says, more for himself than the room. Deciding against a plate, he shoves a waffle in his mouth. He goes back around the counter to be in her eye line and gestures out of the room. </p>
<p>He walks to his office, and goes through his morning routine. It’s less than 30 minutes before she wanders in. </p>
<p>“What a sight,” she mocks. </p>
<p>“Oh yeah,watching a genius at work,” he pulls a face. </p>
<p>She walks further into the office, taking it all in, “So much more busy than your office at Waystar.” </p>
<p>He reaches for the nerf gun that’s resting on the end of his desk and shoots one of the soft bullets at her shoulder.  “I have to watch a bunch of dailies and shit now, and there are tons of calls, so it’s nice to have things to play with. My office at the office, much less busy.”</p>
<p>She is looking over the bookshelf and holds up a completely fucked Rubik’s cube with a smirk. “Still working on this one then?” </p>
<p>“Oh fuck those things, no they’re fucking stupid, but I like the noise it makes when it turns.”</p>
<p>She laughs at that and puts it back on the shelf. “So, Mr. Host, what’s on the docket today?” </p>
<p>“Well I figured I’d ask your schedule first, any meetings or things you have to call in for? I can’t remember you ever taking a day off before.”</p>
<p>“Free and clear, the team should be able to handle it.” </p>
<p>He raises his eyebrows, not quite believing her. “Okay then, I guess there are a few other questions, do you want to come to the office? I don’t have to go in, but would you like to meet Alice and the team?”</p>
<p>She doesn’t respond right away, so he continues, “Or not, or later, we could go in tomorrow night, fuck on my desk, leave some lasting memories.” </p>
<p>“I’m not fucking you in your office. You disgusting worm, you probably have a million cameras in there.” </p>
<p>“Worth a shot. I have dinner reservations, I assumed you wouldn’t want to go to BrightStar Hollywood or Disneyland, but feel free to correct me.”  </p>
<p>“No.” </p>
<p>He laughs, “Okay, then we have things I think you’d actually like, The Broad or The Getty, they have a Turner exhibit right now.” </p>
<p>“I love Turner but you in an art museum?” </p>
<p>“Well, you like it, and I like you and I plan on insisting we get tacos from a street cart after, so can I be on my phone for 2 hours while you get all cultured? I think I can handle it.” </p>
<p>“We should drop by your office after,” she suggests. </p>
<p>“Yeah?” he says.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course I want to see what you've built.” </p>
<p>He plays a charming young man looking to learn for about 45 minutes, before he’s too bored to continue.  Also, he could only say, “oh look another boat,” so many times before Gerri wanted him gone. Offering her a kiss on the cheek and excusing himself to sit in an alcove on his phone while she delights in the art. </p>
<p>She finds him after another hour. He chose to drive, which she seemed wary of at first. He likes it, being able to look over at her in the passenger seat staring out the window or looking at her phone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He holds the door open for her and ushers her to the elevator, “We’ve got the second floor. Not as impressive as One World Trade but you know earthquakes and some California modesty.”</p>
<p>They step off the elevator and are greeted by Abby’s smiling face. He offers a smile and a polite hello and opens another door for Gerri to walk through. Gerri was expecting a modern, open office plan and is surprised b a series of stacked offices along the walls.  </p>
<p>He looks a little sheepish, pointing to the hallway to their left, “Bathrooms are over there, so is the kitchen, readers and lawyers offices are over there, and then Alice and I, and  Mark and Muhsin are over here.” </p>
<p>“You share an office?” </p>
<p>“Don’t sound so scandalized, but no we are just facing each other is all.” He leads her that way. It’s pretty quiet for a Friday afternoon, he knows Mark and Muhsin aren’t typically in on Friday’s anyway, which is confirmed when they pass by closed doors. Alice’s head pops up as they pass, and Roman gives a little wave, but they don’t stop, continuing on to his office. </p>
<p>He feels a little stupid for having made a big deal of bring her in, when he’s got a 12 by 12 room with a whiteboard full of nonsense and desk covered in paper. He can’t help compare it to the grey wool, silver and glass that was his Waystar office. It’s smaller, cheaper in every way, and busier. Suddenly it feels like the room is showing how desperate to show how hard he works. He can’t imagine Gerri finding anything to admire or like about it. </p>
<p>“You always had so many ideas,” she says softly. He turns to her and notices her looking at the whiteboard. “It was like herding cats, getting you to focus on corporate strategy and acquisition planning. I never did understand you being paired with Frank, he was always better suited for Kendall.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah,” he sits down in a chair and gestures for her to take a seat on the couch behind her. “Who should have mentored me, you? I mean I have to say, I did get a lot more out of your mentorship then Frank, but in his defense he never offered to listen to me ejaculate so.” </p>
<p>She laughs. “I’m unwilling to even consider it,” she sits down and faces him, “I was a terrible fit too, at least on paper, I think I mostly took pity on you after that terrible showing in Hungary, and I can admit, I was charmed from our Japan trip and you weren’t a terrible person to have on the proxy battle team. ”</p>
<p>He makes a performative fist pump.</p>
<p>“But my job, my skills are not what you will ever needed. You needed stakes. You got that here.”</p>
<p>There's a light knock on the door and they both turn to look at Alice on the other side of the glass wall. </p>
<p>“Alice!” Roman gets up, opens the door and shepherds her in. “Alice, this is Gerri, Gerri this is President Alice.” </p>
<p>“It’s tragic you came in on a Friday, the boys will be so jealous when they hear I’ve met you.” Alice says offering her hand to Gerri. “It’s very nice to meet you.” She adds. </p>
<p>“Oh?” Gerri says, accepting the hand shake, “Am I infamous in some way?” </p>
<p>“Infamous is probably the wrong word for it but, certainly a well discussed figure,” she says with a knowing smile. “We have tried for 2 years to get this guy passed a first date, to the point that it basically became the company’s second mission statement. And then boom, here he comes back from New York like a lovesick little puppy. It took some extra peer pressure at a happy hour but we got him to admit he saw an ex-girlfriend and suddenly everything made sense.” </p>
<p>“I was not a love sick puppy, thank you very much,” he defends himself. </p>
<p>“You were though, he was, and all this week too. Mark is keeping track of how many times you mention her in a day, it’s very charming. But enough embarrassing Roman, it’s very nice to meet you Gerri. Welcome to Pax Romana, has he offered you a drink?”</p>
<p>“He hasn’t, but I am okay for now, thanks. And it is nice to meet you Alice.” </p>
<p>“What do you have planned while you’re in town?” </p>
<p>“I figured my presence and some sunshine is all she’s looking for but what would you suggest?” Roman sits down next to Gerri, feeling a little worried he’s given up too much and Gerri will be uncomfortable. </p>
<p>“Oh I don’t know, the only thing I would have advice on is food, and even then it’s all vegan, which you’d hate so. I guess I go to the beach some times, but I just can’t picture you on the beach.”</p>
<p>“I can enjoy a beach, but it takes quite a bit of rum to get to that point.” He jokes. “Alice is from New York, she’s been here, what 5 years?”</p>
<p>“Just about,” her smile implies she’s not genuinely happy about it. </p>
<p>“Do you miss it?” Gerri asks.</p>
<p>“Oh desperately sometimes, but then winter makes me think not so much. I moved after a break up, which hindsight, likely was an overreaction, but I’m happy with how things turned out.” </p>
<p>Roman’s phone interrupts them,  he steps out to take it offering Gerri an apologetic smile on his way out. </p>
<p>“He’s very smitten, I know you probably already know, but we are all very happy for him.” Alice says when her and Gerri are alone. </p>
<p>Gerri leans back a little, “Is this where you tell me if I break his heart, you’ll come after me?” </p>
<p>Alice laughs, “Oh god no, we’ll be here to pick up the pieces, I’ll leave all the threats to Tabitha or Siobhan, there they ones you’d have to deal with.” </p>
<p>“Shiv I think I could handle, Tabitha would give me pause.” She folds her hands in her lap, and looks at Roman through the glass, “But rest assured, I have no intention of causing any more heartbreak.”  </p>
<p>“Well if that is settled, are you interested at all in the business stuff?” Gerri offers a nod, and so she continues, “Roman handles the creative stuff, he works with the readers and talent portfolio on optioning and active productions. The exciting stuff. While, I handle distribution, licensing, promotion and press.” </p>
<p>“I’d call that just as exciting,” Gerri offers diplomatically. “I heard you just scored a first-look deal with Universal, that’s exciting.”</p>
<p>Alice and Gerri chat further and shortly, Roman returns. After about an hour they decide to head out. </p>
<p>They make it back to his house, where he offers to show her they’re most recent movie to see how long she lasts. Gerri settles on the couch, as Roman triggers black out shades and pulls up the film, before he joins her. </p>
<p>It takes less than 10 minutes before he sees her reach for her phone, “You couldn’t even make it 10 minutes!”</p>
<p>“I’m watching, it’s great,” she fakes concentration on the screen. </p>
<p>“We can turn it off, I just want you to admit, you are an art snob. You’ll spend 2 hours in front of a 1820’s painting but god forbid you watch a modern film, the New York Times called - a visceral descent into madness.”</p>
<p>“Is that a good thing?” </p>
<p>“I was told that was good,” he leans back, throwing his arm around her. “Would you rather something else?” </p>
<p>“Well I certainly didn’t fly all this way to watch whatever this is,” gesturing dismissively at the screen. She turns her body to face him and he leans over to capture her lips. </p>
<p>They miss his dinner reservation, deciding to order in instead.</p>
<p>The rest of the weekend feels like a dream. Gerri refuses to adjust to Pacific time, so she’s awake ungodly early and crashes before 9, which makes him feel old but the company is worth it. They stay in most of Saturday, with the exception of a trip to the Farmers’ Market, and a walk along the canals. </p>
<p>He finds himself glued to her side. When she reads on the deck, he reads with her or naps, her fingers carding through his hair. When she’s checking in with work, he pulls his laptop over and works too. She even allows him to follow her into the shower. </p>
<p>By Sunday morning, he’s convinced her to stay in bed a little longer. She must be softening because she listens. He’s still a little sleepy, but doesn’t want to waste any of the time he has left with her on sleep. </p>
<p>“So LA, thoughts?” he asks, his head resting on his hand over her stomach.</p>
<p>“Not as bad as I remembered.” </p>
<p>“Oh fuck you.” </p>
<p>“It was a good trip Roman,” she pushes his hair back. “But I didn’t really come for LA.”</p>
<p>He gets a cocky smirk, “Thank you for coming.” </p>
<p>She tweaks his ear and he gives off a little squeak. </p>
<p>“You’ll have to come back out again, we tragically didn't make it through the full list of all the places I wanted to make you orgasm.”</p>
<p>“Oh I wasn’t aware there was a list,” she laughs. </p>
<p>He can see her stepping through it in her mind and helps her out, “Scratched off, bed, couch, kitchen, shower, but missed office, deck, tub, and it was take it or leave it but dining room table. I had against the door for a while cause I pictured not being able to contain myself when you first arrived.” </p>
<p>“Well I feel like I disappointed you then, that’s quite the list.” </p>
<p>“You could never disappoint,” he says, dripping with sincerity. He leans up and gives her a soft kiss. “Don’t get me wrong, being inside you is like the best thing in the world, but even if there is no sex I’m still dying to be by your side.” </p>
<p>The eye contact is intense, he feels like she can see in his soul, how he feels for her. “I..” he starts before she cuts him off with a kiss. </p>
<p>“I know.” </p>
<p>He just nods, not having the courage to attempt it again. </p>
<p>They end up getting up and having coffee and breakfast, before she gets a car to the airport. They’re waiting for it to arrive, and he feels like he doesn’t want to let her out of his grasp.</p>
<p>“6 weeks, fuck that,” he says into her shoulder. </p>
<p>“We’ll survive. Management training was 6 weeks, we flourished.” </p>
<p>“That was before I was allowed to touch you, doesn’t count.” He’s practically whining. </p>
<p>“The time zones really aren’t going to work in our favor either.” She offers. </p>
<p>They see a car pull up outside, and he kisses her one last time, pouring as much of himself into it as he can muster. </p>
<p>She rests a hand on his heart and looks like she’s going to say something else but can’t quite do it, just reaches down and squeezes his hand and says, “I’ll see you soon.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He gets a head cold on the third day of Cannes that he can’t shake it. Alice ends up coming out and representing the company in his place, leaving him to just mope around his hotel room. He appreciates the cold medicine in France much more than any shit they allow in the US, but it makes him sleepy. </p><p>Gerri has suggested he turns off his phone before taking it, as she received a series of incoherent texts and a phone message that was mostly him saying her name over and over again. She saved it for blackmail and because it was cute.</p><p>The third day he's starting to feel a little better. Shiv sent him an invite to the Aspen Ideas Festival, both her and Kendall are speaking at different panels. It’s as much of an invite he’s going to get, so he figures why not. He also sends it to Muhsin, see’s if he’s interested in going too, might as well make it a work trip for everybody. </p><p>His first week in Spain is exhausting but exciting. He likes active productions because there are always problems that have to be solved immediately. It appeals to his impulsive side, being able to give feedback and help shape something and immediately see the results. </p><p>He also likes it because it can take up as much of his day as he wants. They start at 4 am and go until 10 most nights. There is no reason for him to be there that whole time, hardly anyone is, but it’s there, available to take his mind off of how alone he feels at night.</p><p>They’ve talked on the phone a couple times, but the time difference makes it weird. His afternoon is her morning, work has him up pretty early so he can’t ever seem to catch her not at work. She’ll text at least once a day, usually something she thinks he’ll find funny or just to check in. He feels desperate when they come in, like it’s a lifeline he’s clinging to. It’s not a new feeling for him in relationships, and it’s not even new to their relationship. During what he thinks of as “ relationship[ phase 1” he was constantly desperate for her attention, he’d call her, show up in her office, her hotel room, he’d find her in whatever room they were mingling in. Even when they were alone, he was desperate for it, albeit a different kind of attention, always desperate to not screw it up. It’s only been two weeks. Part of him feels it shouldn’t be this hard, he shouldn’t want her, need her this badly. He tries not to think about what those feelings mean, he wants to be ready for it but worries he’ll push her too far.</p><p>The Aspen trip has him considering just flying to New York and going with Kendall and Shiv, but he doesn’t feel like that’s fair to Muhsin, who has organized a shared Charter flight with his friends that run some health care initiative fund. It feels a little bad, being stateside and not visiting, but he’s happy to be able to call her and share the same time of day at least. </p><p>They arrive Saturday afternoon and Muhsin suggests they go mountain biking, which is not something Roman is doing. After checking in and getting set up in their rooms, Muhsin insists on enjoying the Colorado summer day, while Roman decides to go fuck off in a bar. </p><p>Shiv texts him when they’ve arrived, and suggests he meet them at their hotel to make dinner plans. She sends him a room number, so he downs the last of his beer and ubers over to the hotel. </p><p>To his surprise Iverson opens the door, looking up to him with a very timid, “Hi.”</p><p>“Hey Iverson, good to see you man!” he slides past him and enters the suite looking around for who else may surprise him. </p><p>Tom pops from around the corner, “Roman, good to see you! Enjoying this fine, rarefied Aspen air?” </p><p>“Oh yeah, just can’t get enough of white bark and Fucking Fabulous by Tom Ford,” he snarks back. </p><p>Shiv strides out of what he assumes is a bedroom and greets him with a hug. “It’s a whole family weekend!” She's smiling in a way that makes him nervous. “You look tan and healthy,” she pats his belly. </p><p>“I’ve been in Spain, sustaining myself on wine and olives like a king. Sometimes I treat myself and have a little gazpacho, but only when I’ve been very good.” </p><p>“Well you look good,” she pauses and then narrows her eyes a little. </p><p>“You look fine,” knowing she’s looking for him to return the compliment. </p><p>“Fuck you.” </p><p>The hotel room door opens again and Kendall and Naomi join them, and he’s starting to understand the family weekend comment now. </p><p>“Rome, good to see you.” Kendall comes in for a hug, which isn’t bad, but still new. He greets Naomi with a kiss on the cheek and polite hello. </p><p>“So dinner?” Roman asks.</p><p>“Iverson picked out JBar, if that sounds good we’re expected in about an hour.” Ken offers back. </p><p>“Great. How’s everything, saw the Chernin thing, that must have been fun.” </p><p>“I’m finding very few people have left the company happy over the years.” Kendall says with a grimace but shrugs. </p><p>“Gerri always liked him,” Shiv pokes, “Peter Chernin, I think they’re still pretty friendly. He used to do big Democratic fundraisers, her and Baird would always attend.” </p><p>Kendall sighs, “Jim suggested she might be able to broker something but she declined.”</p><p>“She declined?” Shiv repeats.</p><p>“Something about time doesn’t actually heal wounds, it just leaves a witness mark on your skin you see everyday making you a more bitter and hard. So I think that was her way of saying it was a bad idea to engage.”</p><p>“He’s still pissed at Dad and you’re the next best thing to try and kick around. It will blow over eventually,” Roman sits on the back of the couch and falls over it so he’s sitting upside down next to Iverson. “What are you up to man? Hacking to the CIA mainframe.” He flicks the kids tablet.</p><p>“It’s Minecraft,” he says without looking up from the tablet. </p><p>“Oh the block game? Building anything cool?”</p><p>Iverson proceeds to talk for 20 minutes straight pointing to different things on the tablet as he goes, and Roman is mostly listening but mostly looking at his phone, trying to decide what to text Gerri. </p><p>
  <b>R:   I miss your little curly hairs that hide behind your ears</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   You’re up late.<br/>
G:   You’d be disappointed, it’s very straight today.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   I wasn’t going to say, but I snuck a photo of you in all your curly hair glory, pull it up on my phone, put it on my pillow as I go to sleep.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   I’m sure that’s all you do with that photo </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   😉<br/></b>



<b>
R:   😘<br/>
R:   In my defense you’ve refuse to send me a photo of your tits, so I’m working with that I got here. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i> G:  Sad horny little boy, whatever will you do. </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R: bitch</b>
</p><p>
  <b><i>G:   You love it. </i> </b>
</p><p>Tom is announcing the cars are here to take them to dinner. He has Iverson pull him to the floor and jumps up, pushing the reluctant kid towards the door. </p><p>He’s between Naomi and Shiv at dinner but across from Iverson and on the scale of placements, it’s not the worst. He never really cared about his nephew all that much before. He thought it was a bummer to have kids around because you’re supposed to drink less and swear less around them these days. But honestly he’s finding him on par with the rest of his family for conversation, maybe not Shiv.</p><p>When they all order he realizes it’s a dry meal, which no one prepared him for. They’ve come to an iconic Aspen bar to not drink alcohol apparently. When Shiv and Tom order tea, it’s obvious something is up. </p><p>Going by Shiv, barely containing a smile she’s clearly excited to share. The waitress is gone hardly a second before she’s announcing, “We have news.” </p><p>“We’re pregnant!” Tom blares. </p><p>It’s treated with moderate fan fare, or as much as he and Kendall can come up with. Offering their congratulations and well wishes, they do an awkward seated hug and he shakes Tom’s hand which seems like the thing to do but is also like giving him a pat on the back for raw dogging his sister.</p><p>The rest of the meal is honestly pretty nice by Roy family standards. Naomi is great, fits in well but also seems to really like Kendall and his sad dad energy. </p><p>“You’ve been in Europe lately haven’t you?” Naomi asks. </p><p>“Yeah, Spain, we’ll be in Girona when I get back, we’re shooting over there and it was my turn to be EP on set. Luck of the draw I guess,” he shrugs.</p><p>“We were talking about taking a vacation in August, Kendall suggested Europe but I was hoping for South America, maybe southern Chile.”</p><p>“I had a college friend who ended up living in Chile for about 5 years, met a girl down there on vacation and then just stuck around. Drove his parents fucking mental, I suspect that was part of it’s charm as well.” </p><p>“What about you, no Spanish love to keep you there?”</p><p>“Nothing like that,” he says softly. </p><p>“I was sad to hear you and Tabitha didn’t work out,” she offers.</p><p>“Oh no, it was for the best, I mean Louis, please, we’re both so much better off as friends.” </p><p>“Still no girlfriend Roman?” Tom interrupts from across the table. </p><p>He had always assumed Shiv had told him, so he isn’t sure if he’s playing a game or being serious. They hadn’t talked about it, him and Gerri, about what’d he tell his family or when was the best time. They are his family but she sees them every day, he doesn't know who's news it belongs to. </p><p>“We aren’t going to have either of you be the godparents,” Shiv announces, cutting off the conversation where it stood. </p><p>“Well fucking duh,” Roman spits back, “but who’d we lose out to, and if you say Tom’s dumb dairy farmer friend Kirby, I’m going to never speak to you again.”</p><p>“His name is Kirk, and he’s in finance, but no” Tom says lamely.</p><p>“Greg and his fiance,” Shiv supplies. </p><p>“Ouch, but I guess if that’s how the Roy tradition of the world's most boring godparents continues to the next generation,” he huffs.</p><p>“Baird and Gerri were the best, what are you talking about, and Kendall once tried to kill dad with his godfather, so I think you’re the only sad one, Rome.” </p><p>“Lord Melvin taught me how to smoke a pipe and sexually harass footmen, I’d say it was a proper English aristocratic education.”</p><p>“We did consider Connor and Willa,” Shiv jokes.</p><p>“No you didn’t.” Kendall challenges.</p><p>“We did not.” Tom confirms. Shiv pouts at how quickly Tom put out her plan to rile them up.</p><p>They go around the table telling their favorite Connor stories. Without the option of cocktails to prolong the evening they wrap up dinner and he grabs a ride with them back to their hotel. It’s a nice summer evening and it’s less than 5 blocks to where he’s staying. Iverson falls asleep next to him on the short ride. When they arrive he tries to get him up and walking but the kid protests, so he offers him a compromise of a piggy back through the lobby to the elevator. </p><p>Their negotiations delayed them so he’s the last in the lobby. He’s barely through the door when he hears Kendall call out, “Gerri, hey, great timing, you got a second?” </p><p>Roman looks to where Kendall is standing and sure enough, Gerri Kellman is standing before him in the hotel lobby talking to his brother. His whole body stops in panic. Iverson shrieks as Romans arms momentarily slacken and then re-tighten to catch him, but all attention in the room has shifted to them. </p><p>It quick, the flash of surprise on her face, then confusion and then something between betrayal and hurt. He approaches slowly, his legs feeling heavy from a sense of dread and the added weight of Iverson. Kendall must have only needed her for a second because she’s basically on her way by the time he makes it over to them. </p><p>He watches her leave and gets hit with a bag of bricks when he sees someone was waiting for her. A short blond who is giving him the dirtiest look he’s ever received in his entire life, Hannah is here . Family fucking weekend, Shiv wasn’t fucking kidding. </p><p>He drops Iverson at the elevator and then takes to pacing the lobby. </p><p>
  <b>R:   Hey I’m in the lobby. </b>
</p><p>He waits all of thirty seconds before sending another. </p><p>
  <b>R:   Everyone else is gone, please. </b>
</p><p>Still nothing. He tries calling but she doesn’t pick up. </p><p>
  <b>R:   I don’t know if Hannah is with you so I don’t think it’s a good idea to come up. </b>
</p><p>It feels like a toss of a coin if trying her door is a good idea. He certainly doesn’t have an invitation and that’s never stopped him before, but she said the one thing he can’t do is make trouble with her kids. If she’s sharing a room with Hannah or even a suite, he doesn’t think going up there will make anything better. </p><p>He sits on the couch just staring at his phone.  </p><p>
  <b>R:   I fucked up.</b>
</p><p>He tries and calls her again, but gets her voicemail. There is zero chance she listens to it but he goes ahead and leaves one anyway. “Hey Gerri, Kendall suggested I come along to Aspen, and I thought okay. I didn’t want to tell you at first because I feel like if I’m going to take off work or travel around the world it should be for you, and obviously I’m not in this case and I feel guilty about that, and I’m sorry, and I miss you.” </p><p>He waits for an hour, before Muhsin is calling him from a bar confused about where their hotel is. </p><p> </p><p>He wakes up with a headache and the night slowly comes back to him. Dinner, seeing Gerri, drinking with Muhsin before crawling into bed, all of it seemed like a terrible idea now. </p><p>He checks his phone and sees that Gerri hasn’t replied. Shiv texted, telling him they should attend some breakfast thing that was in an hour. A shower makes him feel better, a little more alive, but he still feels like shit. Every fiber in his being is dying to call Gerri again, but he holds off. He gets dressed and then re-dressed when Muhsin doesn't like how they matched. </p><p>His job and the largest value to his company, besides his personal wealth and name is his charm. A room full of people to make fall in love with him and his partners ideas what he does best. But it doesn’t mean he enjoys it all the time. His mother once referred to him as the brightest star and the blackest hole in the universe, he just has to pick which he wants to be. </p><p>Shiv gives him a wave from where the Waystar team seems to be gathered. Roman waves back, but doesn't make his way over. Shiv gives him a look and then waves him over.  </p><p>“Do you want to meet my family?” He reluctantly asks Muhsin.</p><p>“Oh, so badly. You have no idea. Mark is dying to not be here.” Muhsin laughs. </p><p>“Fucking hell, why not.” He starts to walk over to them and realizes a couple steps too late that the Waystar team huddle includes Hannah and Gerri and Wayne Williams. He is a second from putting out his hand to stop Muhsin and switch directions when he hears his name. </p><p>“Romulus!” Wayne basically shouts. “Romulus Roy, son of a bitch, get over here, it’s great to see you! How long has it been? None of these knuckleheads said you’d be here.” When he finally makes it over he’s greeted with a hard slap on the back and a knuckle into his side. </p><p>“Wayne. It’s been more than 5 years at least. How are you doing buddy?” he pats his back in return and pulls a face at Kendall. </p><p>“I woulda figured you’d be in a ditch somewhere drowning in your own vomit, takes a determined kinda sonnabitch to bounce back from what this guy hit you with.” Wayne pats Kendall’s arm. “I’d have shot my brother dead, if he ever did that to me, tell ya what.” </p><p>“What, with a face like this,” he reaches over and pats Kendall’s cheek, gives a show of squeezing it, “you can’t stay mad at that!”  He drops his hands, “Plus I was never a good shot. You never took me on your hunting trips you took Connor on.” He fakes a smile and is desperately looking around for someone to make this end. It doesn't look like anyone's coming to his rescue, so he acts with instinct, </p><p>“Real shame about Connor’s presidential run, I thought he had some really great ideas, really takes after your father that one.” Wayne leans over to him and wraps his arm around Roman, “I always thought you did too, that fighting spirit, well, you flinched a lot but always got back up.” </p><p>His Dad’s friends always did this, they usually picked a kid they liked the best and treated them like their favorite. He always assumed it was a bid for picking their favorite on who’d get the company, but it was obviously something darker. The serious people, the ones who thought of themselves as intellectuals gravitated to Kendall, the liberals or at least socially liberals went to Shiv, and he got the bullies and the weirdos.</p><p> “I see  a fresh plate of danishes with my name on it. I’ll catch up with you boys later, we’ll have to get steaks.” Wayne gives Roman another shoulder squeeze and a pat on the back before striding off. </p><p>“Who was that?” Muhsin asks when Wayne is not four steps away, “Good friend of yours?” He’s basically laughing at him and it makes him feel a little better. </p><p>“That was Wayne Williams, if you’ve ever been curious about what Oklahoma oil money looks like, that’s it, he and Dad go way back. Asked me if I wanted to watch him fuck a hooker when I was 15, so you know, good people.” </p><p>Everyone else seems to grimace at that, Muhsin just pats him on the back, “I suspect you didn’t miss much.” </p><p>Roman turns to Shiv, who he knows is a <i>huge</i> fan of Wayne, “Didn’t know Wayne would be here.” </p><p>“That was a surprise to all of us,” Shiv frowns, “he stared at my tits less then he used to, not sure how to take that.” </p><p>Roman laughs but no one else does, he wraps his arm around Muhsin, “Shiv, not in front of strangers, they will think there is something wrong with us. Can’t have the world believing the Roy family are all fucked up freaks.” </p><p>“And who might this be,” Shiv asks a little too flirty for a married pregnant woman, but Muhsin has that effect. </p><p>“Mushin Ndungu, Pax’s general counsel, pleased to me you,” he says offering her his hand. </p><p>“Siobhan, this is my husband Tom,” They exchange handshakes and greetings before Kendall steps up. </p><p>“Kendall Roy, nice to meet you man,” Kendall offers his hand as well. “I’d ask how’s it working with this guy, but we all already know, godspeed brother, I’m sure Gerri and you could go pound for pound on cleaning up Roy messes.” </p><p>“Oh, it’s been great, Roman’s the best right?” Muhsin is so genuine when he says it they all seem to wait for a beat like he’s going to turn around and say, “Psych!” but it never happens. </p><p>Mushin turns to the remaining members of the group and his face changes, something is so obvious now that he never considered before. “Gerri Kellman and Hannah Kellman. That makes sense now. I never put that together before.” He offers his hand to Hannah, “I’m a big fan.” </p><p>She accepts the handshake and Roman thinks it’s the first time he’s ever seen Hannah smile. He owes Muhsin all the drinks in the world this man ever wants. </p><p>“Thanks?” Hannah says in a questioning tone.</p><p>“Sorry, that’s a weird thing to say. I listen to the podcast and subscribe to the newsletter. Which I’m realizing now are perfectly commonplace pieces of modern media, but I don’t think I’ve ever said I like your podcast to anyone. It feels weirdly intimate now that I’ve said it. Sorry for that, ” Roman turns to him, he’s never seen Muhsin so off his game, certainly never ramble. He gives him a pat on the back in support but can’t help but smirk. </p><p>Muhsin shifts his attention to Gerri and the smirk falls from Roman’s face. They hadn’t discussed this. He’d been avoiding looking at Gerri for fear their gazes would cut him clean through, but he looks at her now. </p><p>“It’s nice to meet you Gerri, I’ve heard only great things.” Muhsin says, reaching out for her hand. </p><p>“Nice to meet you too, it’s great you guys could come out.” Gerri accepts his hand but looks at Roman for the last part, like a bullet to his brain. </p><p>He bites his tongue at the sharp comment he has on instinct on the ready. </p><p>“It’s nice how he can bless us with his presence now isn’t it.” Shiv smiles, “held out for so long and all we had to do was take his board seat and suddenly he’s willing to be around us.” </p><p>“Har-har,” he’s used to taking it on the chin but he feels like he can’t go too far with Hannah here and he doesn’t know where he stands with Gerri and it makes his skin itch and throat stiff. “Yeah I’m the fucking worst,” his voice cracks just barely and he shifts back on his feet. </p><p>Shiv pulls a face like she’s confused why he’s given up so easily. Muhsin laughs a little, probably more out of awkwardness than finding anything funny, “You weren’t kidding mad, you guys play with sharp fucking knives.”</p><p>Shiv catches his eye and lifts a brow and tilts her head to the side, an invite to a parley. He just shakes his head. If he’s going to talk to anyone it’s going to be Gerri, end of the list.  </p><p>“So if you work with Roman, your specialty is entertainment law?” Hannah asks in a way that doesn’t sound insulting but might be, Roman can’t tell.</p><p>Roman doesn’t hear what he replies, he’s just staring at Gerri now. She crosses her arms, and ignores him, focusing on her daughter's conversation.</p><p>He’s distracted by the thought of wrapping his arms around her and smelling her hair; he doesn’t notice everyone’s looking at him. He shakes his head, “Sorry what?”</p><p>“Roman’s state is probably my fault, I was late this morning so we haven’t gotten any coffee yet, and this guy let me pour too much whiskey into him last night,” Muhsin claps his shoulder. </p><p>“Go get food and coffee, they're going to start the talk soon, Roman you’re going to want to blow your brains out.” Shiv says.</p><p>“Fuck you Shiv,” he says, all but sticking out his tongue at her, “ladies, if you’ll excuse us.” He basically runs away, no care to what Muhsin does. </p><p>“So that was your entire childhood, Jesus, I’m surprised you three are all alive.” Muhsin jokes as they pour themselves coffee. </p><p>“Oh that’s just years of Dad’s brand of poison, you won't get the pleasure but Mum and Dad, we pale in comparison.” </p><p>The coffee is fine, but it makes him feel better, more rooted in reality. Looking at his phone, hoping for any sign of peace from Gerri, he comes up empty. He checks the time and knows it’s around 5 of 6 pm on a Sunday and the production isn’t shooting. He checks his email, and sends a note to Alice asking if she wanted to take Telluride this year because he doesn't think he wants to come back to Colorado after this. </p><p>“I didn’t realize your Gerri was Hannah Kellman’s mom.” Muhsin says between bites of an oat bar. </p><p>It pulls him out of his phone, but takes a minute to process, “Yeah, how do you know Hannah? She has a blog?”</p><p>“A podcast, it’s pretty fucking popular at least as far as legal podcasts go, covers current cases, mostly federal, and some scholarship, she was on law review with a friend of mine from my first firm, said she was a firecracker.” </p><p>Roman looks at him, takes in what he thinks is a first, “Absolutely not.”</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You’re not trying to fuck Hannah Kellman on this trip.” </p><p>“I never said I was,” he seems a little insulted, “but if I get her phone number, would that be so bad?”</p><p>“This was a terrible fucking idea, why are we here?” he’s looking around like he’ll be able to find a way out. </p><p>“Free exchange of ideas,” Muhsin elbows him, “because your obsession with Wesley Adams and his plays and your family seems to like your company which you never give them, and I like the fresh air.” </p><p>He checks his phone, still nothing, but he can’t help himself. </p><p>
  <b>R:   You look beautiful.</b>
</p><p>He looks to see if he can see her in the crowd, finding her just as she pulls up her phone, reading the message. Her eyes close and he thinks he can see her brain working, counting to 5 before she opens her eyes again and puts her phone away. </p><p>They are summoned into the meeting center shortly after and listen to 45 minutes about the mission statement and bullshit about what the week is meant to achieve. When they were heading over from the hotel, Mushin laid  out his plan for the day, which made Roman feel a little unprepared. Yesterday afternoon he would have said his intention was to fuck off with Shiv and hopefully get a lunch with Wesley Adams on the books, but now all he can think of is being in Gerri’s presence.</p><p> </p><p>He ends up following behind Shiv, Kendall, Tom, and Gerri like a useless tag-along.</p><p>“What’s up with you?” Shiv asks when they stop to discuss their strategy, Kendall and Tom discussing the merits of the nature experiences.</p><p>“Just still torn up about this godparent thing,” he jokes, “I mean I get not choosing Kendall, but come on I’d teach the little thing so many useful skills.”</p><p>“Well first, not great start referring to them as a thing, but what skills exactly?”</p><p>“Let’s see, how to mix the perfect martini, juggling fruit as long as they are smaller than apples, deal making in hostage situations, you know important skills or any kid to have.” </p><p>“Those sound like uncle type activities, I think I’m comfortable with our decision,” she smirks at him. “You can’t be that hung over, come on you were in a good mood yesterday.” </p><p>“International travel, altitude, and careless drinking, wasn’t a good plan.” </p><p>She doesn’t look sold but lets it go. </p><p>Kendall turns to him holding out the program expectantly, “Roman, what’s you plan here? You have specific things you’re trying to catch or?” </p><p>Roman looks to Shiv, “I was just here to hang out, don’t really give a shit about any of this, so I’ll do whatever. I have to find a guy at some point, but here under Shiv’s direction so.” </p><p>Shiv interrupts, “I’ve got to go do panel set up in like 20, and Tom and Kendall are going to a “conversation about journalism standards for new media,” Gerri you okay babysitting his doofus for an hour.” </p><p>Gerri’s eyes narrow and his neck feels hot, but she doesn’t say no. They all peel off until it’s just them. </p><p>He starts to speak, but she stops him, “Not here.” She says looking around at all the people milling about.</p><p>“Do you want to go somewhere else?” he asks hopefully.</p><p>“Not particularly.” </p><p>“Please?” </p><p>She just nods and follows him out. He chooses the least occupied hallway and finds and open office he leads her into. Her arms are crossed and she says by the door, letting him know she could leave at any time. </p><p>“You are mad, I got that, I don’t know how to fix it, but I want to. I’m stupid, I’m sorry, but tell me what to do to make it better.” </p><p>She rubs her temple but doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“I didn’t know you’d be here. I thought it was a family thing. I really didn’t know Hannah would be here.” He provides, but she still doesn’t speak so he continues, ”Come on, you’re either mad because I’m here and you think I’m ambushing you, or mad I didn’t tell you I was here or like I’ve done any number of other things wrong.” </p><p>“At first I did think it was some terrible plan of yours, which in that case it was the worst thing you could do, but you’re not that stupid. So then I was mad you didn’t say anything, you just let me assume you were still abroad, which also was a stupid plan, because you wouldn’t be able to avoid it forever and then I’m thinking you’d lie at that point. And now I’m mad at you for a lie that never happened.”</p><p>She pauses and takes a breath, “Hannah’s mad because she thinks it was a set up. That I knew about it and am pressuring her to engage with you. Which obviously isn’t true, but what could I say, I had no idea you’d be here and just give her more ammunition.” </p><p>He takes a step forward and she doesn’t back away which he takes as a good sign. “For a second, just leaving all that second part aside, I know it matters, but just for now. I felt bad, taking the time to come here because I felt like I was choosing my family time over me and your time. That’s why I didn’t say anything, which doesn’t make it right or good, it’s just what it is. But you’re here, which is honestly the best thing that could have happened. It’s been two weeks and I’ve been in the same place as you for 24 hours now and I’m sick to my stomach cause I can’t touch you, when you’re right fucking there.” </p><p>He pauses and searches her face for any sign he’s resonating, “You can be mad at me and hate me a little while I hug you?” </p><p>“Okay,” she says softly and he’s immediately surrounding her, his face in her neck, then kissing her head and nosing her hair. </p><p>“I’m sorry about Hannah,” he says into her hair.</p><p>She sighs and he feels her whole body relax against his, “I think it’s just going to be bad for a little while. But seeing you probably made it real and took her by surprise.” </p><p>“Kellman girls don’t like surprises, I’ll write that one down,” her tone and the way her hand is rubbing his back makes him feel like things might be back on track. He tests the waters with a sweet kiss on her neck. </p><p>“You know this is a work thing for me and Hannah’s here, I can’t just fuck off with you.” He knows it’s a warning but she also straightens her neck making more room for him to continue his work.</p><p>“Well, there is nighttime?”</p><p>“You plan on sneaking into my room after everyone else has gone to bed, you miss the old days that much?” she teases.</p><p>“I thought you could do the sneaking this time. Worry less about the neighbors hearing in that case.” </p><p>Her eyes darken slightly, “Maybe.”</p><p>It’s enough, he finally captures her lips, kissing her deeply. He’s damn near fucking her mouth with his tongue when he backs her up against the door, pressing his hips into hers. “Missed you so fucking much,” he says against her skin when he comes up for air. </p><p>He leans back in and recaptures her lips, sliding his hand down from her hip to find the zipper of her skirt. She puts a hand on his arm and shakes her head, stopping him. He concedes reluctantly. “We’re not fucking in a random office at a <i>ideas</i> conference, Roman,” she says in his ear. </p><p>He groans and steps back. </p><p>“Be good, there’s always tonight,” she pats his cheek before straightening her clothes. </p><p>He gives her a couple minute lead, working to calm down before he rejoins the public and faces whatever terrible slog the day holds before he can be pressed against her again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You guys are the fucking best!<br/>All the feedback gives me life! Thanks so much!!<br/>❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He spends the afternoon with Shiv in a seminar about, he isn’t sure. </p><p>“Can you imagine going through life looking so much like a cat?” Roman asks Shiv, pointing to the man on stage. She can barely contain her laugh behind her hand.</p><p>“Seriously, that man meows when he comes. No fucking question.” He adds.</p><p>“There is a small chance he just purrs,” she hands back. </p><p>“Does that little paw kneading thing they do on your leg to get your attention,” he gestures in the air, “just follows you around the house, get fucked up by a feather on a string, oh no, and I getting too close to home with your little Tom-cat?”</p><p>He can see her coming up with a comeback but his eyes light up excited by his latest thought, “Do you have a laser pointer? Really kick this party off.”</p><p>“Shut up,” she finally says after another 2 minutes of cat jokes. </p><p>There is a refreshments intermission before the next thing Shiv wants to see which is a live taping of some podcast she likes. It unsettles him how many people he knows here from all the different stages of his life, school, New York media, New York club scene, New York spending Daddy’s money scene, LA. </p><p>Shiv brings him something purple with a bunch of berries in it and it’s both the best and worst thing he’s ever tasted. </p><p>“Why is this sour and bitter?” he says as he lets it drool from his mouth back into the cup. </p><p>Shiv takes a sip and clearly has the same issue, but has a better source of decorum. </p><p>“Swallowed that like a champ, making the family so proud, sis,” he smirks.</p><p>“I'm starting to remember all the little things I hated about you being around.” </p><p>“You love it,” he pokes and she just shrugs. </p><p>She pushes him down the path to the next building. “So are you gonna tell me what’s going on or am I just going to have to guess?”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” giving his coyest smile. </p><p>“A month ago you were sneaking around Mom’s house basically mooning over Gerri, then you were in New York for like three extra days or something, I saw you for maybe a minute of it, so?”</p><p>He’s happy they are at least walking so he’s not trapped by her giant, all knowing, blue is the warmest color eyes. “I saw friends, did some work, went home. Did you want me to stay with you guys? I got the vibe I was interrupting, let's try for baby and followed by a 4 hour fight about if the cabinet is the right color.”</p><p>“You’re a terrible liar. I mean Kendall is worse, but Christ, you two are an open fucking book.” </p><p>“Okay Shiv, tell me what happened then, if I’m such a liar.”</p><p>“You either stayed with her or did whatever weird, Mommy and me playtime shit you two do and stayed at a hotel, because she seemed like she was in a better then usual mood, like she knows she’s gonna get dicked tonight kind of good mood and then nothing. No extra bitchiness, not distracted, none of the usual break up or long distance signs, so I’m at a fucking loss.” She turns to face him but he doesn’t trust himself to look at her. </p><p>“So it’s a secret?”<br/>
“Okay you’re doing long distance?”<br/>
“She said no?”<br/>
“Roman? Come on.”<br/>
She stops, grabbing his arm. “Ro.” </p><p>He sighs. </p><p>“You don’t know what you’re allowed to say do you?” She’s finally smiling, happy she’s figured it out. “So something <i> is </i> happening.” </p><p>He shrugs, trying to take a step forward to get them moving, but her hand on her arm tightens. </p><p>“Listen, I don’t get what you guys think is going to blow up here, but you don’t work for the company any more, Dad is basically a fucking vegetable, and Hannah has been looking at you like you’re satan so she clearly already knows. I’m just trying to be nice here and say, you said she broke your heart before and you still want back in, just make sure you’re on the same page.” </p><p>For all the years his family has kicked him around and called him names, he would have never expected this.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a fragile little school girl with a crush Shiv,” he defends himself. </p><p>“You are about this stuff, otherwise you’d make a joke, but you aren’t so this is something new, something different and I want you to be happy.” It’s too genuine for him to be able to handle it.</p><p>“Come on, you’re going to miss your podcast.” </p><p>He plays on his phone for the hour. During which he received a text from Kendall. </p><p>
  <b>K:   Dinner plans? Thinking something on Main St. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   Sure. Can I bring Muhsin along, don’t want to leave him hanging. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>K:   No problem. </b>
</p><p>They got a couple hours to kill before dinner and he should be spending it working but he ends up in a bar waiting for Muhsin to find him. </p><p>
  <b>R:   Been such a good boy.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   I somehow doubt that. </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   Where are you? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   We’re back at the hotel, ran into Kendall in the lobby, he invited us to dinner. </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   Did he now? Did you accept?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   Hannah is skeptical but I suggested it’s only one night.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   What are you doing right now then?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   I’m getting the sense you aren’t actually being a good boy.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   You’re in your hotel room… </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   Incorrigible</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   I’m a lot of things… Including ready to taste you since this morning</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   Oh was that your plan? Seemed like you were a little focused on someone else's needs.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   You know I had fucking you against a door on my list</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   You’ve pivoted from your door to just any door? </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   There was a little bit more making that door appealing</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   Care to elaborate?</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   You wouldn’t like it</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   Try me. </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   Besides the obvious, I liked the thought of returning to that room of idiots with your taste on my tongue. </b>
</p><p>She doesn’t respond right away and he’s worried he may have pushed too far, but he can’t help himself from pushing a little farther. </p><p>
  <b>R:   Picturing you in a room of important, useless people, all charmed and taken with your genius fucking brain, all the while you’re in panties painted with my cum </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>G:   You disgusting little worm. Been a good boy... fucking liar. </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>R:   See you at dinner sweetheart.</b>
</p><p>He pops his phone away, as Muhsin arrives at the table. They order a local beer and they exchanged the dumbest things they heard over the day. </p><p>“My family is getting dinner if you’d like to join,” Roman offers after they’ve had two beers and will likely have to head out shortly.</p><p>“Your family including your girlfriend or just your siblings?” he teases.</p><p>“Yes, Gerri will be there as well,” he hesitates but adds, “Hannah too I think.” </p><p>“Sounds fun. I have to ask though, does no one else know or are you two just really formal? Alice said, “they’re so cute together,” and I just didn’t get that vibe from the performance this morning.” </p><p>“Hannah knows, but it’s touchy with my family, we haven’t really found a good time to talk about it. So discretion would be appreciated.” </p><p>“A secret, how high school, I love it.” </p><p> </p><p>They plan on meeting the rest of the family at the restaurant, but are the first to arrive. Mushin and Roman are 2 innings into a game of finger baseball when everyone arrives. They're quickie seated and an awkward dance of musical chairs occurs ending up with Roman sitting between Gerri and Shiv across from Muhsin who was between Hannah and Tom. </p><p>After they order, Kendall awkwardly clears his throat, “I just want to thank you guys for all coming out tonight. A lot has happened over the last 5 or so years and it would be accurate to say most of it was bad, but it gives me hope that we can all be here together.” </p><p>Roman turns to Gerri, “I guess we should be happy he didn't prepare a rap for the occasion.” </p><p>She smiles and shakes her head, but it's enough for him to call it a win.</p><p>“Do you guys not get together often?” Muhsin asks.</p><p>“There was a period when we didn't.” Roman says.</p><p>Shiv gives him a face, “There was a period when Roman didn’t talk to us.”</p><p>“In my defense,” Roman starts, but Shiv interrupts, “He’s going to say something about the founding of Rome and it’s bullshit.”</p><p>“In my defense, you guys aren’t that fun of a hang and I was out making new cooler friends.” He gestures to Muhsin, “Like this good sir.”</p><p>“He has a point, we are pretty cool.” Mushin says with a smile. </p><p>“You guys don’t know this but Mushin is an Olympian. I’m friends with a dude that went to the Olympics.” Roman boasts, getting exactly the response from everyone he expected.</p><p>“I didn’t medal, it was the winter Olympics, I represented Kenya, it was very, very fun.” Muhsin says, “Sorry, just pre-empting the obvious questions.”  </p><p>“What event?” Shiv asks. </p><p>“Skeleton.”</p><p>“How did you get into Skeleton?” Hannah asks, a little shocked.</p><p>“I was a sprinter in college and rode a motorcycle, which a coach found out about and suggested I go try it out cause the US team was recruiting. Turned out to be pretty fun and the specific work outs developed pretty killer legs and abs, I ended up qualifying in 2010 but was like the third best US member so we reached out to the Kenyan Olympic committee and they were okay with it.” He finishes and notices the puzzled look on some of their faces still, “I was born in Nairobi. We moved to the US when I was 4.”</p><p>“Do you still do it?” Shiv asks, “Like is there recreational Skeleton?” </p><p>“Not really, and to go fast, like the kind of fast you want it’s a workout, it’s like the same rush as skiing or snowboarding, they’re just like half the speed, it’s easier and cheaper to do that.” </p><p>“Roman wouldn’t know.” Shiv jokes.</p><p>“You don’t ski?” Mushin asks, “How have we never discussed this?” </p><p>“I don’t not ski, I just don’t like to ski.” He unhelpfully clarifies.</p><p>“He broke his leg when he was 14 being an idiot and has only hung out at the spa on every trip since,” Shiv counters.</p><p>“Oh man, that’s awful, what happened?”</p><p>Shiv answers for him, “He fucking fell off a ski lift.” </p><p>Gerri clears her throat and he feels her hand brush on his leg but he just subtly shakes his head. </p><p>“Like getting off?” </p><p>“No like middle of the trip up, had to get ski patrol to come get him down the mountain on a stretcher.” Shiv says.</p><p>“How far did you fall?”</p><p>“It wasn’t the middle, it was like in the first 30 seconds of the lift, it was less than 20 feet into unpacked fresh snow, it wasn’t that big of a deal, but it did ruin the family vacation.” He says timidly. </p><p>“What were you doing? It’s not impossible but it’s hard to do that I would think,” </p><p>“I don’t really remember anything other than ending up on the ground and the cold. Just a world class idiot kid with a terrible sense of adventure I guess.” </p><p>“You weren’t.” Gerri says softly next to him. </p><p>“We don’t have to get into it,” he says, pretty sternly by his records, not ready to have Muhsin know just how dark his family can get.` “But yes, I don’t like skiing. Bet I’d like Skeleton though.”</p><p>The conversation is paused by the arrival of their food.</p><p>“So Hannah, how have you been, it feels like a decade since we’ve seen you.” Shiv says in a voice that is sickeningly sweet. </p><p>“I’m well, works been great, I’ve agreed to take a new position in the New York office, which will be exciting.” She says politely. </p><p>“That’s great, Gerri you must be thrilled.” Shiv says. </p><p>“Very thrilled.” </p><p>“Do you ever miss New York, Roman?” Hannah asks, and he’s not sure how to read the tone. She has seemed to have inherited or learned her mother’s skill of mindfuckery. </p><p>“Every time I get in my car,” he jokes, but sees Gerri bristle a little and clarifies, “I miss New York constantly.” </p><p>“Do you plan on moving back or are you just going to stay the Californian Roy forever?” she pushes. </p><p>Roman looks at her and then looks at Muhsin, “Hard to predict the future,” he punts. “4 years ago I thought I’d be working for Waystar my whole life, what's the thing about God and plans and opening a window?”</p><p>“The plan is to one day have a NY and LA office, right?” Mushin offers. “We’re obviously a little ways out from that, but we’re starting television production next year, and a significant amount of work is shifting to Atlanta, there’s rationale to start an east coast base. Alice would love to move back to New York.”</p><p>“Who is Alice?” Hannah asks.</p><p>“Roman’s better half,” Muhsin jokes, but sees Roman’s eyes widen and back tracks, “in business, Alice is the President of our company.” </p><p>“Please say you didn’t date your business partner,” Shiv says with a little disgust. </p><p>“No, I did not date Alice,” Roman says, “Tabitha dated Alice in college, she introduced us. You remember Tabitha right Tom?”</p><p>“What?” Tom replies from the other end of the table.</p><p>Shiv looks down at the other end of the table and notices Naomi, “If only she could have charmed Willa, all the Roy children could have married people more experienced with your ex-girlfriend then you.”</p><p>“Charming,” he says to his plate. “Real fucking charming Siobhan.” </p><p>“Sorry,” she says under her breath, “you fucking started it.” </p><p>Shiv pivots, “So, Connor called yesterday by the way, I think he’s like a month away from starting a cult.” </p><p>“Cult, intentional community, commune, or religion,” Hannah asks, the questioning looks she gets make her clarify, “legally there is a distinction.” </p><p>“Fucking Connor,” Gerri says under her breath and it makes Roman laugh out loud. </p><p>“If it’s Connor, it’s a cult,” Roman says, “Hopefully he let Willa write the sacred texts, no one will fucking join.”</p><p>Shiv laughs, “He said he’s interested in establishing a like minded community at Austerlitz, focused on freedom and self expression and I just didn’t have it in me to ask what exactly that entails.” </p><p>“That sounds like a sex thing,” Muhsin adds. </p><p>“I’ll look into it,” Gerri says. </p><p>“Out of personal interest or in your role as general counsel?” Roman teases. </p><p>She playfully slaps his shoulder, generating a laugh and feigned injury before he remembers they’re amongst company.   </p><p>Dinner is winding down and he isn’t sure what the play is. They shuffle out of the restaurant, waiting on the street for their cars. </p><p>“You heading back to the hotel or?” Muhsin tries but fails to ask subtly. </p><p>“You going out?” </p><p>Muhsin checks his watch, “It’s not even 9, so probably, what else do I have to do.”</p><p>Roman hesitates, and Muhsin turns to Hannah and Gerri, “Any chance you ladies would be interested in a drink?” </p><p>Hannah seems to hesitate, likely not particularly interested in drinking with her mom and her new boyfriend. But Muhsin smiles his charm offensive smile and seems to convince her, “Sure.”</p><p>“It’s a kind offer but I think I’m going to decline,” Gerri says.</p><p>“Roman?”</p><p>“It took me too long to recover today from last night, I think I’m gonna have to pass on this one.” </p><p>He watches Gerri get in a car with Shiv and Tom, while  Muhsin and Hannah take a stroll down main street. Some part of him is pissed at Muhsin, but rationally he doesn’t really have a reason to be. </p><p> </p><p>He texts Gerri his room info before he even gets in a car. It’s the longest 40 minutes of his life before he receives an “on my way” text back. </p><p>While he was waiting he showered, partially in panic and to have something to do that wasn’t staring at the minutes pass on his phone. His hair is still damp and he’s changed into joggers and a tee shirt. </p><p>There is a soft knock on his door and he tries not to make a fool of himself by running to open it. But his anxiety falls away once she's in his room, hair slightly curled, pulled back in a bun, a blousy top that gives him just a peek of cleavage and a flowy skirt. </p><p>“That wasn’t too painful I guess,” she starts as she comes into the room and leans against the back of his couch. </p><p>“Could very much have been worse, I suspect there will be a harsher dinner in my future if Hannah has Maggie to play off of.”</p><p>“I suspect that is true.”</p><p>He approaches her, stopping when he’s within 2 or 3 feet of her. “Shiv thinks you’re out of my league.”</p><p>“I am out of your league, but why is she saying that.” She reaches out to him and rests her forearms on his shoulders, playing with his damp hair.</p><p>“She thinks you're hiding me and that you’re going to break my heart.” He looks down, not ready to make eye contact with her when suggesting it. </p><p>Gerri rubs her thumb across his cheek and along his bottom lip. “Shiv is an idiot.” </p><p>His hands drift to her hips and give them a gentile squeeze, “So you wouldn’t care if I had kissed you tonight at dinner?” </p><p>“When? In between when you were lying about not remembering Connor pushing you off a ski lift or when your sister was relishing in your sexually dissatisfied ex-girlfriend fucking the rest of your in-laws.” Her tone is matter of fact, slightly sing-songy, like she is honestly curious about what he found enjoyable about their evening. </p><p>“How did you know it was Connor? I never told anyone, and I can’t imagine he would be boasting about it.” </p><p>“We were on the chair behind you,” she brushes back his hair, “Baird and I saw. I don’t know what he did, I went to see you and check on Logan, Baird went for Connor.” </p><p>“His mom was just sent away, I was making fun of it, it was my fault, we were fucking kids.” Roman goes through the list, like he had to write 50 lines. </p><p>“Rome.” Her hand is on his neck now, rubbing at the base of his skull, making him melt into her. “You have a therapist, you’ve covered all of this stuff, but I need you to tell me you know it’s not okay for someone to deliberately try and hurt you.”</p><p>He paints on his smile and starts to make a joke but her hand tightens, “Cope however you must but Roman, but it’s not okay that the things that happened to you happened, the jokes, fucking Wayne Williams and camp counselors and falling off a ski lift, are fine as long as you know that.” </p><p>“I know it’s not okay for someone to try and hurt me.” he says, mostly in mumbles. </p><p>“I don’t find kissing during meals to be appealing, but if you want to hold my hand or touch my shoulder or kiss me after, I’m okay with that.” She concedes, drawing him a little closer. </p><p>He feigns shock, “In front of Kendall and Tom, what will they think of you? Cavorting with the likes of me.” </p><p>“I think they’ll get over it,” she shrugs.</p><p>“So I can hold your hand,” he rubs his thumbs over her hip bones, “and I can touch your shoulder,” tracing her curves up to her ribs, thumbs resting just below her breasts, he steps forward to their noses are almost touching, “or kiss you after?” </p><p>His left hand lifts slightly and his thumb brushes across her nipple. “What if my hand slips from your shoulder?” He increases the pressure on his thumb and leans in, breathing on her neck before marking her skin with his mouth. “Would that be acceptable?” </p><p>“You wouldn’t fucking dare,” she breaths out.</p><p>“Oh sweetheart, you're talking to a man with no shame,” he taunts, grasping her breast fully now and slipping his leg between hers so his erection brushes her hip. “I’ll fucking do anything you’ll let me, anything you want.”  It’s inelegant, his attack on her mouth, but she’s more than responsive. </p><p>He thinks for a minute they might just end up dry humping against his hotel room couch but Gerri breaks their kiss and gently pushes him back, catches her breath and sighs, “bed.” </p><p>Roman staggers backwards, unwilling to let his eyes move away from her body, she has to guide him back to the bed. She pulls off his shirt and slips her hand into his joggers right when the bed hits the back of his knees. He groans and reaches for her arm to slow her down, “I’m too fucking close.”</p><p>She continues her movements but his grip on her bicep tightens. She rolls her eyes, “Fine.” Her hand slides out of his pants and his shiver makes her smirk. </p><p>He shifts back, but remains upright, tries to drag her onto the bed with him. She follows him, straddling his lap, a hand in his hair, her skirt pooling around her knees. Sitting back slightly, she rests in his lap, pulling back to pull her shirt off over her head. His face is level with her covered breasts, and the temptation is too much to resist. </p><p>When he looks up at her, he sees a little furrowed brow, frustration clear on her face. He moves his hand from her hip to trace his thumb over her brow, before pulling her back in for a kiss. Her frustration is still there when he pulls back for a breath. “What?” </p><p>She shakes her head and recaptures his lips, but he knows something is wrong. His hands slip under her skirt, up her thighs to tease her panty line from below. When he grazes over her mound he can pick up some moisture through the fabric. She doesn’t sigh the way he has grown to expect and it’s now impossible to ignore. “Tell me what you need.”</p><p>She slides off of his lap to the side, and lays back against the pillows, then summons him with a raised brow. He crawls over her, re-engaging her mouth, a hand sliding up her skirt to repeat his earlier ventures. She sighs this time, twitches a little too. He continues to stroke her over her panties until he’s satisfied with her level of frustration, then pulls the fabric down her legs. </p><p>She’s pulling him over her, almost begging for the weight of him against her body. “I,” her voice is very soft and breathy, “I think of it like this, at home, at night.” </p><p>It’s a tidbit he didn’t have before and he feels so lucky that she shared it with him. He slides a finger into her as a reward for her shared secret. Feels her start to fuck herself on it, rolling her hips. “What else?” His voice is lower and rougher then he’s heard himself before. He is genuine in his curiosity, about what she thinks about when she’s alone.  </p><p>“Your weight pressed against me,” she sighs, knowing now anything she says will be interpreted at a request. Sure enough, Roman shifts to loom over here, but he holds off his weight. Stripping himself of his joggers then returns to rest on his arms, his hips on hers.</p><p>He leans in and attaches his mouth where her neck meets her shoulder, shifting his hips to align perfectly with hers. “What else?” he says against her neck. </p><p>She reaches down between then to cup him through his briefs, giving him a squeeze for emphasis. But he just shakes his head and says, “Tell me.”</p><p>She sighs but doesn’t say anything, instead pulls his briefs down his hips, releasing him so they are skin to skin. Roman huffs, realizing he’s been beat, too weak to win this war. “So fucking bossy,” he says as he finally gives her what see wants.  </p><p>It strikes him how needy she can sound in these moments. When he controls the pace, her legs wrapped around him, shifting to get more. She’s always in control, except here. Never trying to give him direction or instruction, mustering a whine on occasion, it feels so separate from their early days. But he still wants to impress her, make her smile. </p><p>He can’t manage a hand between them to provide the extra stimulation she usually needs, he wants to hike her legs higher on his hips but knows it may kill her back. Whispering “Fuck” in frustration, he feels her hips stutters and figures a different type of stimulus might be the right call.</p><p>She’s been around his father for so many years, he knows she’s heard every salty word and phrase known to man, and can even hold her own against the rest of them as well. But she blushes sometimes when he mentions their escapades, and always likes to create space between them whenever she’s getting him off with her words, be it over the phone or in a separate room.  </p><p>“Missed this,” he grunts between thrusts, trying to focus on words he should say rather than how close he is. “Kept thinking of you in the shower, how fucking loud you got.” It earns him a moan and he keeps going, hoping it’s enough that he won't finish this race alone. “Missed your fucking unimpressed tone, your laugh, how sharp you are, how being around you makes me want to push you up against a wall and make you come all over my fingers,” it makes her breath catch and so he continues, alternating compliments and his favorite sexual memories of her. </p><p>He isn’t able to hold on long enough, he ends up apologizing as he comes. </p><p>“Fuck, sorry.” He says again as he rolls to the side.</p><p>“It’s okay Roman,” she sounds genuine, even pushes his hand away when he reaches over to continue his earlier work. “Enough of that, I’m fine, thank you.”</p><p>“Fine isn’t what I was really going for here Gerri,” he complains. Turing to look at her and notice her eyes were closed and she looked spent. </p><p>“I suspect your ego will survive.”</p><p>“Well you were basically begging for my cock like 15 minutes ago,” he grins at her, but gets a playful slap in return. </p><p>She leaves to clean up and when she returns, re-dressed, Roman frowns. </p><p>“I should head back,” she says softly. </p><p>“No fucking way,” Roman gets up, pulling his underwear and joggers back on. “Stay, we can set an early alarm, whatever.” He grabs her hand, “I don’t care if your kid hates me forever, please, I have a million stories you’ll fucking hate but will make you laugh. We get so little time.” </p><p>He’s not sure if it’s the puppy dog eyes or the words, but she relents, lets him pull her to bed and starts all kinds of terrible stories about being sick in France and bothering everyone he meets in Spain. Picking little fights along the way about her terrible taste in wine and how she hates how he orders at restaurants, just to get her riled up enough to kiss it better.</p><p>He doesn’t know when they fall asleep, but is alone when he wakes up in the morning, a text on his phone saying she had to get back, but she’s happy she stayed. </p><p>Muhsin has him in business mode all day, networking and running through pitches with different content teams. It’s exhausting, but he thinks he’s charmed the playwright  enough to get a second meeting at the LA offices later in the year. Gerri and Hannah are off doing their own thing, and unavailable for dinner or other activities. </p><p>They’re flying out the next morning, earlier than the Waystar crew, so he stops by her room on the way to the airport, hoping to catch her. Charming his way up to her floor, he knocks on her door, anticipating she’s already gone. To his surprise she answers the door, in a robe, hair wet from just getting out of the shower.</p><p>She looks genuinely surprised and a little embarrassed, “I thought you were Hannah,” she says inviting him in, closing the door quickly behind him. </p><p>“On my way to the airport, I wanted to say goodbye.” He says, but is aware that she is likely naked under that robe. He walks towards her, backing her into the room, conveying just how predatory he feels. </p><p>“How much longer are you abroad?” she asks, everything feeling more awkward than it did in his room two days before. They haven’t really figured out their goodbyes yet.</p><p>“2 weeks max then New York for your birthday.” He says confidently, as if that will make it bearable. </p><p>“I wish I could visit like planned, it’s just bad timing, with Hannah moving and the birthday and Ken’s latest acquisition schemes.” She reaches out, resting a hand on his shoulder, and he feels a little like she’s about to punch him in the gut.</p><p>“I’m sorry about how shitty this whole trip was, not my best showing, I’ll make it up to you though.” </p><p>“None of that is necessary, just going forward, honesty first.” </p><p>His phone chirps in his pocket, probably Muhsin telling him they don’t have time for him to have a quickie. “I’ve got to go,” he leans down and kisses her his goodbye. </p><p>When he pulls back he has the same feeling in the pit of his stomach he had when she left his house in LA, but he can’t get the words out. Instead, he’s stuck staring at her, squeezing her hand. </p><p>She gives him a sad smile, a sweet, proper peck on the cheek and tells him, “I know.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the incredible delay. I'm moving houses which is taking up all of my spare time/energy.<br/>Thanks for sticking with me!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She has to be ignoring his calls. Three days in a row, she didn’t answer around quasi- reasonable hours. He got back to Spain and they’d talked shortly that night, but their schedules didn’t work out for the next day. So he tried a couple times the next day and the day after that with no luck. He considered texting Tabs to get her thoughts on it, but remembered she’s probably days away from having a baby and she wouldn’t have time for his bullshit problems.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It bothered him a little the first two days, but by the third, it was breaking him. At work, when he's at production, he's able to focus on the problems at hand, but at the end of the day he goes back to his rented place and a deep silence just consumes him. He can’t think of anything other than every reason their relationship shouldn't work, all of the differences and disagreements, all of the misunderstandings. Every time he calls, he just pictures her picking up her phone ring, checking the caller, seeing his name and then choosing to ignore it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It spirals from there. His mind washes with every clingy moment and thing he's done wrong, tracing back to his childhood. All things he knows, he knows, Gerri doesn't really care about but if that were true she'd answer her phone. He thinks about her expression in the Aspen hotel lobby, total shock and betrayal, and ever frown she has had, turned off by his visible desperation for her attention. He tells himself it would be fine if the Colorado trip hadn’t been so awkward. Her trip to LA gave him a little confidence in the relationship, like they could actually work and understood each other, but then he fucked it. Maybe she’s having regrets, maybe it was too much,  maybe she just woke up from whatever spell she was under and realized he wasn’t worth her time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kendall is no help. Roman tries to subtly ask how work is going, but Kendall gets weird about it, like he’s pumping him for information to make a shady stock deal. He considers asking after Gerri specifically, trying to wrap it in a joke or maybe walk through a list of a couple of the executives, but he knows it’s too weird to work. A small part of him knows if he does ask, he might not like the answer. He has to sit through a 40 minute conversation to get no information but it sounds like things are going well for Kendall, which makes him a little more frustrated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His therapist reminds him of his tools and checklists for when he gets in this mindset. They talk though refocusing his energy and interrupting his obsessive thoughts with less stressful, more helpful ones. A year ago, when he was working through the early years of trauma, he picked up running as a way to clear his mind and challenge his body physically into exhaustion. He was surprised how on board all of his work friends were with it, Mark took to it too and began curating playlists for them to run to. He claimed it was “better” music he think’s Roman would enjoy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His music stops, interrupted by his phone ringing, and he thinks for a second that his therapist somehow rigged this to happen, a reward for following his advice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” he answers, a little out of breath. He is roughly three quarter miles from home. The combination of being away from home, sweaty, hungry, and out of breath makes him feel like he’s already fucked their conversation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” her voice is rough, what associates with her just waking up. But it has to be 12 or 1 pm in New York. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You all right?” he asks, slowing his pace to make sure he can hear her but changes his mind, wanting to prioritize getting home and around a cell charger over sounding a little incoherent. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got a cold. Been out for a couple of days.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He almost trips, the explanation hitting him in the chest. She was suffering, possibly from something he gave her and he was just feeling sorry for himself for 3 days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A cold? I’m sorry, is it terrible? Is there anything I can do? Want me to get my hands on the good French codeine shit?” he asks even though he isn’t able to do or offer anything from where he is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“S’okay. It’s going around the office. I think I’m over the worst of it. Fever’s broken,” she says and he’s a little confused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cold and fever don’t really mesh, you have the Flu,” he states matter-a-factly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Either way, I feel better today, I think I’ll be back at work tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He realizes the irony of them having had this conversation not three weeks ago about him, but he’s frustrated. “You don’t sound well.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” it’s the least effective, “fuck you,” he’s ever received, compounding the fact that she sounds like she has a kazoo stuck up her nose and like she’s exhausted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s trying to picture her, sick in bed maybe, or on the couch. She has a pretty impressive comforter on her bed that he would love to wrap around her, kiss her fever rosy cheek and offer a bowl of soup. “How are you doing? Can you sleep?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, mostly during the day, I just woke up. My schedules all fucked up,” she says, it’s the closest thing to a whine he’s ever heard from her and it’s kind of cute. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you drinking water and gatorade?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes Roman," she snips, the first time he'd ever characterize her as bratty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s never thought about her being childish before, but then again he’s never thought about her getting sick before either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish I could be there to take care of you, do you need anything?” he’s close to suggesting he could fly in, but knows it’s too much.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine really. I didn’t mean to miss you so many times, I’ve been out of it mentally, sleeping a lot at weird hours, sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s nothing, I just want you to be happy and healthy, I was worried, I guess rightfully so,” he feels like an idiot. He has about a quarter mile left and he picks up speed to try and make it back to his place so he can fully concentrate on their conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you out of breath?” she asks, a little cautiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On a run, trying to get back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to call back?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” he replies quickly. “Almost home, sorry for the weird breathing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jarring, your work out breathing is a lot like your masturbation breathing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughs as best he can at that, “Not sick enough to be diligently listening for hints of masturbation I see, I think you might be playing up how sick you are, trying to get a little sympathy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her laugh is a little off, deeper and rougher than normal. “Well I was confused because typically you’re begging for attention the second you dick is hard.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss you,” he says seemingly out of nowhere, but her laugh makes his heart a little heavy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighs and he isn’t sure how to take that, “I miss you too,” she says softly, if a little rote. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pushes his frustration into his legs, getting to his door faster than he’d thought, panting a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, all done I promise,” he says as he pulls off his shoes at the door and removes his phone from his pocket, switching from his headset to speaker phone. She’s sick and sounds tired and he doesn’t want to pick a fight, but he’s feeling raw from all the missed calls earlier in the week and he just exhausted himself physically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was getting used to it, it was sort of soothing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulls off his shirt and socks, walking to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. “Roman Roy, white noise machine at your service.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There is a salad in his fridge he’s supposed to eat. Looking at it he can feel his mood dropping further. He opens and then closes the fridge, sighing, closing his eyes and exhales when counting to five.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmmm?” he exhales, “sorry what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay? You were counting,” she says a little irritation seeping through. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” he says, trying to sound like it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighs again, which makes him squeeze his eyes shut. “Roman.” It’s not a reprimand. She just sounds tired and frustrated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gerri,” he says, trying to mimic her tone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s going on?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The calmness in her voice sets him off. “I don’t know, you’re the one that keeps sighing,” he says flippantly, looking down at his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m tired. I sigh when I’m tired.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought we were doing honesty?” It’s more snippy than she deserves. The sweat on his skin is starting to dry and he feels itchy and dry. He washes his hands and splashes his face with water for something to do, hoping the bad mood goes with it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not clear on what you’re accusing me of, other than being a liar I guess,” she’s sharper now, he’s clearly pressed enough buttons.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not trying to call you a liar, I’m saying,” he says, pausing out of frustration. It feels so much more impossible because he can’t see her face or touch her hand to show her how he’s feeling. “I said I miss you and you were like, “heavy sigh, I miss you too,”” he tries to play up the monotony in the comment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Such a flattering impression you have of me,” she says darkly, “I’m sorry you weren’t impressed enough with my attitude.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can hear how nasally her voice is now, remembering how shitty his cold was and starts to feel guilty. “I thought you were ignoring my calls, the last couple of days, I thought you were,” he has trouble saying it, “breaking up with me or something. So I guess I’m just being over sensitive. I’m sorry. I know you're sick, you shouldn’t have to deal with that and my bullshit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s quiet for a minute. The silence makes him fidget, wanting to fill the silence with more apologies and maybe some compliments to make it better, but he knows he shouldn’t. It’s not a fair way to have a conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m tired. Genuinely,” she pauses again. “I feel miserable, I’m missing work, I’m not on the top of my game here Roman. So if I sigh because you say you miss me, yeah, I’m tired from that too. I’ve been alone for a long while now, and I’ve managed just fine. But you decided to return to society and we agreed to do this and it's more than I thought. You're so fragile and eager and real in this intoxicating way and somehow, within the 120 hours I’ve spent in your company over the last 2 months, the part of my brain that is good at being alone is broken. All of it is exhausting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t feel good about liking her exhaustion. “I am sorry, but can I also be not sorry about the part where you want to be with me?” he asks rhetorically. </span>
  <span>“I’ve never felt,” he starts but doesn't really know how to finish what he’s thinking without sounding like a jackass. “You said you were sick and I thought about how I could get to you, and how much I wanted to help, I want to take care of you, which I know I’d actually be offering no skills in that area but I could rub you back and give you tissues.” </span>
  <span>He wishes he could see her face to read her expression. Her silence makes him uneasy, “That’s not really how I’d have handled things in the past.” He looks around the empty place he’s been renting, feeling empty himself. “I don’t want to be here anymore, I want to be where you are,” he says softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sneezes and then groans and he feels bad for keeping her on the phone for so long when she needs to rest and rehydrate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can let you go,” he offers delicately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Could you maybe just talk for a little while, I might fall asleep, but I like the sound of your voice,” she sounds far away, like she’s already partially sleeping. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything in particular?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No I’m sure whatever you pick will be suitably boring,” she says through a yawn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sleepy bitch,” he says under his breath. “Muhsin forwarded me a couple of Hannah’s podcasts to listen to on the plane ride. You got a smart fucking kid. Had to have Muhsin explain like every other word she said, but made it through two episodes. It made me think, you never really explained legal stuff to me, made me wonder if you thought I was too stupid or too hyper.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not both?” she says, and from her tone and the way she slurred “both” he’s certain she’s close to unconscious</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He prattles on for a while longer, talking to himself while he sets out his dinner and gets ready to shower. Once he hears her soft snores he thinks it’s okay to hang up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He gets a text around noon asking i</span>
  <span>f he’d be up for a call, apologizing it will have to be pretty late his time. It surprises him that he finds knowing a call is coming as stressful. He wraps things up at work and follows his normal routine, but is just building anticipation since 9:30.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His phone rings at 11:30 while he’s playing on it in bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” she sounds better than yesterday, which he’s glad for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Feeling any better today?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, no fever, I went into the office today, still exhausted though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well that’s good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” she takes a breath, “I was wondering how your travel plans are shaping up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We wrap tomorrow afternoon, I don’t have anything booked yet, but I conceivable could fly to NY or LA tomorrow night, which would be tomorrow morning? I don’t think I understand time zones.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re going to LA?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could, I didn’t know what your plans were, I know you have dinner with the girls on Saturday for your birthday, I just didn’t know, I didn’t want to be an imposition, but,” he just fades away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rome,” she sounds frustrated, it’s how she says his name when she needs him to focus or stop doing something stupid. “I’d like you to come here, if that’s what you would like to do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” he says quickly, a flood of relief waving over him. “I want that too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay good, because after our call yesterday," she pauses, "I want this, all of whatever this entails, I want it. You know that right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Intellectually he understands that, but he has also fucked up every relationship he’s ever been in. He has realized this week he has a lot more things to talk to his therapist about than he was comfortable admitting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you can stay here,” she adds, “until it makes sense for you to go back to LA.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s not certain he fully understands what she is trying to mean. “I don’t have anything crazy booked over the next few weeks actually. Some meetings and a couple of events but nothing big ticket. So,” he doesn't know the right number to put on it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t let him finish, “Rome, I’m trying to say, stay as long as you can, or I guess as long as you’d like to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Forever is what I’d like,” he says like a child asking for ice cream for dinner, playing up the silliness of his demand but still happy he was able to say it aloud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs lightly, easing his tension, “Well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll book a ticket tonight. It will be okay, me staying with you while Maggie and Hannah are there?” he asks cautiously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maggie is staying with Hannah, so there shouldn’t be a problem.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” she says, sounding surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you at work? It’s like 5 or 6 there right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No I’m at home,” she says, “but I have more work to do tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On the couch?” he probes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Roman, I’m on the couch. Where are you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In bed,” he says quickly, eager to share the information. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I figured.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You, on your couch, exhausted, me away on business, across a rented bed, just a tedious phone line connecting us, it’s like the good old days.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were easier to corral back then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were more of a tease, I’m spoiled now that you put out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was not a tease,” she says a hint of exasperation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think my dick would beg to differ, icy bitch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh I’m sorry, what were you looking for an invitation into my room anytime you wanted? Oh wait…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah but that was business,” he says, playing it off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think I would have let Kendall come into my room while I was in pajamas, steal my glass, come on my robe?” she asks, like it’s the dumbest thought anyone has ever made the mistake of telling her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pictures it and it makes him laugh, “He’d be so tripped up just seeing you without glasses, probably wouldn’t be able to speak. I bet he wouldn’t look you in the eye, fucking dweeb.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She makes a disinterested, unimpressed noise and it makes him laugh. “Like you did any better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you, I rocked your fucking world and you know it,” he waits to see if she’ll contest it, but she doesn’t, “When did it become not just a weird, obligatory, Roy family bullshit thing for you?” he asks, trying to use bravado to hide how revealing the question is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? What does that mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, just more of the weird stuff you have to put up with in the business, when did you start to think of it as more than that?” he feels less confident now, like he's showing his belly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Roman,” she breathes out, her voice low and slow like she’s disappointed she has to explain something to him for the fifth time, “it was never that. I would have never put up with anything I wasn’t interested in personally. Obviously, I didn’t think it’d be what it is now, but I certainly didn’t feel obligated or some sense of duty to participate. I liked it, from the start, I liked your weird little kink, I liked you, I certainly wouldn’t have picked up the phone all those nights if I didn’t. It was nice, or at least, fun from the start.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It took me like an hour every time to work up the courage to call when I was at management training. It’s all I’d think about all day, and then I’d get to the hotel room and just pace thinking about what excuse I’d have to need to talk to you, how I could pester you enough to the point you’d insult me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know there was a night, you usually called like every other day, and I was expecting it, thinking you’d call at10, but you hadn’t. I thought about calling, for a second I was worried you were hurt or something, but figured that would make it through the grapevine at work if that was true. Then I was a little jealous, thinking you may be on the phone with Tabitha, considered calling just to see if you’d interrupt. But I didn’t have to, there you were like 15 minutes later.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d have lost my fucking mind if you called me,” he laughs, knowing it’s true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guess it’s good I didn’t then, kept you on the hook.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What made you decide to invite me over that first time?” he asks, settling deeper into the bed. There was something about being on the phone with her that gives him the courage to ask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly? I think that first time was kind of a rough day, and you had said something kind and then said something smart, and I wanted to feel less shit about the day, didn't really want to fight the instinct.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re telling me it wasn’t my magnetic sexual charm?” he asks feigning shock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not claiming my sexual frustration was not a contributing factor as well.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fucking horn-dog Kellman. Couldn’t wait to get her hands on this hot bod and fuck my brains out, I knew it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs, “shut up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t though,” she adds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up?” she asks, not quite following him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” he says, fake annoyed, “you didn’t ever try and fuck me, didn’t even really let me touch you most of those nights.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well it was a delicate situation.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about my brother deciding to fire me and you knowing about it made it less delicate?” There’s no malice or hostility in the question. A year ago, he’d get furious just thinking about it, but now, with some distance he’s able to see his view on the situation was narrow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was stupid. I don’t mean to imply I regret it but it was premature. I had a plan for you to sit down with Peter Chernin and if that didn’t work, see about forming your own VC firm. The work issues would then be mute and we could proceed, as it were. But it didn’t happen that way. I fucked the timing. A little over eager on my part I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closes his eyes and pushes his head into his pillow, “Think you’ll be over eager tomorrow?” he pushes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’ll be tired,” she counters.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cause of how eager you’ll be?” he laughs at his own joke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, hours of wallowing in my desire will just purge me of all of my energy, to say nothing of a cold or working for a living, just purely my passion for you and your tiny useless dick.” Sharp as ever. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There she is,” he says triumphantly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you should go to bed,” she suggests.. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you should go to bed.” he replies, smiling to himself. “I think you should take off whatever gorgeous, man crushing, skirt, blouse, blazer combo you have on, until it’s just you in your pearls and panties. Then slip yourself into bed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if I said I didn’t have time to play your little games tonight,” she warns. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d mope, tell you how excited I am to see you, celebrate your birthday, I'd wish you a good night, then probably hang up and start thinking about that time you let me fuck you from behind in my shower,” he says, trying to maintain as even a voice as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re such a fucking nuisance,” she’s laughing as she says it. “You’re like 90% penis 10% terrible personality. You’re like a dog, except they can actually be trained.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s been awhile since they’ve done it this way. He remembers how exciting it was when they first started. How he was surprised she didn’t just hang up when he started moaning. She actually continued, helped him along, pushed him over the edge with her sharp words and silky voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s still fucking hot, but he likes it more now when he knows she’s getting worked up too. He’s fairly certain she isn’t interested tonight, likely a side effect of being tired and sick, but it makes him want to plan something special for their reunion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He comes quickly, moaning her name into his phone. She sounds happy, satisfied when she responds to his compliments and denies his offers of reciprocation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sleep starts to set in and he knows he should sign off for the night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll see you soon,” he offers with a practical, “good night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Looking forward to it, sleep well, travel safe,” she adds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re my favorite person,” he says sleepily, “forever.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good night Rome,” she says softly and hangs up before he gets a chance to reply. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Needed something to do besides refreshing 538 constantly.<br/>Short but should update again soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The flight back was terrible and he feels like trash. The coffee he picked up on the way out wasn’t much help either. Now he’s standing in her home, alone, feeling like a weirdo. He drops his stuff by the door, then feels embarrassed by it, like she’d be mad if he just left a mess strewn about. </p>
<p>He drags the two bags he has to the bedroom, stops for a minute to just stare at her unmade bed, a jar of vapo-rub on the nightstand. The overwhelming desire to climb in and smell her pillow takes him over, slipping out of his shoes and pants and collapsing onto the soft surface. </p>
<p>The menthol that lingers on the sheets is a little overpowering, not really getting what he wanted out of the experience but it is pretty soothing after all the travel. He rolls on his side, curling his knees up and clutching an extra pillow, before slipping under. </p>
<p>Its incessant ringing that wakes him. His phone on the floor, still in the pocket of his discarded pants. He really can’t be bothered enough to get up and answer. But being awake has also reminded him he is human who has had 3 cups of coffee in the morning. He uses the master bath without really thinking about it, mind foggy from jet lag and waking up. </p>
<p>He’s never used Gerri’s bathroom before, starts to poke around when he’s finished washing his hands. Admiring how tidy everything is, clearly there is a place for every piece. He’s tempted to spray her perfume, just for the reminder of her scent, but something stops him. There’s a tray with a couple bracelets in it, that he’s certain he’s seen her wear before but can’t exactly place it. </p>
<p>He looks up in the mirror, taking in the state of his hair, the spot that’s begun on his nose, and how puffy his eyelids are. He pulls a face and notices the salt and pepper of his stubble. He looks like shit. It’s a stand-off between him and his reflection, but he can’t magic the desperate look away. There’s a little divot in his cheek by his eye  from when he tackled Kendall in England. He tries to splash some water in his face but it just makes him look like wet shit. </p>
<p>His phone is ringing again and that means it must be actually important so he drags himself back to the bedroom. </p>
<p>It’s Gerri which surprises him. </p>
<p>“I haven’t burnt it down yet I promise,” he answers, his voice doing a funny thing from being unused. </p>
<p>“I had my concerns,” she says, but he can hear her chuckle a little. </p>
<p>“You sure you’re okay with me here,” he says looking around the room a little guilty. </p>
<p>She just hums, but it’s a little harsher than normal, and he wonders if she’s really actually suited to be back at work. He can picture her, probably headache killing her, at her desk, hand on her head while she reads through a stack of legal documents that aren’t worth her time, calling him just to make sure he hasn’t peed on the carpet yet. </p>
<p>“The doorman give me away?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, he texted about 2 hours ago, I texted and then called a couple times but didn’t get through, I assumed you’d crashed.” </p>
<p>“That top legal mind of yours wasted on thoughts of little ole me? How sweet? Or were you really just worried about how many different surfaces I’ll stain while you let me play unsupervised?” he says trying to wind her up a little bit but knowing he’ll fail. </p>
<p>“I’ll be home by 8, try not to destroy the place, but free reign, I trust you to be yourself.” </p>
<p>He’s about to land a comeback, but he hears her start talking to someone else, “I have to go, see you tonight,” she says hanging up before getting a response. </p>
<p>It’s all the permission he needs to use her shower. He grabs his own toiletry bag, and strips the shirt and underwear he was left in on his way to the bathroom. The tub is tempting, but he feels like he might have 8 different plagues on his body and the only way he can rid his mind of the image is a cleansing, scalding hot shower. </p>
<p>Five years ago, he’d have done such damage to this place, now he’s thinking about if he should order soup and have it reheated waiting for her when she gets home. Her shower pressure is a fucking delight. He stays in longer than necessary, gallons of water wasted for his comfort, he steps out and wraps himself in what feels like a cloud but is surely a towel. It makes him feel a little self conscious about how she perceived his house and stuff, her having the clearly superior taste. </p>
<p>He spots her robe hanging, doesn’t stop himself from touching it, running his finger down the silk. He leaves it be slinking out of the room back into the bedroom. It was almost noon when Gerri called, he figures he deserves another 2 hours of sleep before he does anything else. Crawling into bed, still a little damp and nude, he collapses instantly. </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>He’s impressed with himself, the small thing he’s managed here, waiting for her when she gets up at quarter to 8. Even if it took him 15 minutes to find her pots and another 10 to find bowls. </p>
<p>She didn’t text she was on her way, which might have been a ploy to catch him off guard. He hears the door open and shut while he’s opening a beer, almost dropping it in surprise. </p>
<p>“Hey,” she announces, her voice sounding warn and exhausted but still excited. </p>
<p>He comes around from the kitchen to find her taking off her heels in the entryway, dressed to kill corporate nothings, pearls dangling from her neck. Once she’s straightened up he pounces, sliding his arms around her waist, burying his face in her shoulder. </p>
<p>“I missed you,” he can’t help but saying now that he’s finally back in her arms. </p>
<p>“I missed you too,” she says, slipping her fingers into his hair. </p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” he pulls back, trying to gauge her face. </p>
<p>“I’ve been better,” she says, her voice seemingly more honest than her words, haggard. </p>
<p>“I got soup,” he proclaims, pretty proud of himself, like it’s the first thoughtful thing that’s ever been done in the world. </p>
<p>“You got soup?” she’s looking at him like it’s a particularly bizarre question. </p>
<p>“Cause you’re sick, I got you soup, it’s on the stove.” </p>
<p>“Okay,” she shakes her head a little, brow ever so furrowed. “What kind of soup?” </p>
<p>“Well, it’s not actually soup, it’s pho, but same general concept with the hot meat water and chewy bits and all.” </p>
<p>“Feed me,” she challenges in a tone he’s happy to call, smug-self-satisfied-princess. </p>
<p>“Yes ma’am.” </p>
<p>He pulls her into the kitchen. Bowls laid out with various ingredients splayed out. He grabs her bowl and ladles broth and meat in, careful not to spill, then hands it to her very proud of himself. He nods at the other items on the counter, “add whatever but gotta squeeze at least one lime to make it,” he kisses his fingers. </p>
<p>He wants to stare at her forever, feeling like it’s been both a century and just a minute. She lets him eat on the couch, which is difficult because it’s soup and he’s fidgety. After a few quiet moments of slurping, he looks over and is happy to see she does look a little more settled, the steam and heat adding a little color to her cheeks. </p>
<p>“Do you use a laundry service?” </p>
<p>She hums, mouth full, but nods positively. </p>
<p>“You think I could send some of my stuff with yours? I just mostly have dirty stuff in the bags.” </p>
<p>She swallows, “That should be fine, I can call, just leave whatever by the door.” </p>
<p>“Will I need a suit for dinner on Saturday?” </p>
<p>“Oh no, it’s more of a casual thing.” </p>
<p>“Like swim trunks and a vest,” he teases, successfully stealing a laugh from her. </p>
<p>“They’d fucking love that, you in your hot pink tiny swim trunks, just relishing in their discomfort.” </p>
<p>He’s very surprised, “You know I don’t still have those trunks, that was like a century ago.”</p>
<p>She blushes a little and he’s thrilled by the idea she’s kept them in her mind all these years. </p>
<p>“You're fucking joking, you little minx, while I was there going through all that trauma, really contemplating life, just trying to take a few minutes to relax in the pool while my families business was falling apart and having a gun in my face you were taking mental pictures of me to get off to later.” </p>
<p>She laughs which ends up making her wheeze a little and now he feels like a dick. </p>
<p>He “cleans up” dinner by putting their bowls in the kitchen and hoping the housekeeper can take care of the rest of it all. She’s settled in on the couch when he’s returned, a blanket around her shoulders, looking cozy and tired. </p>
<p>“Tired?” </p>
<p>“Very,” she shakes her head, “I hate being sick, makes me feel weak.” </p>
<p>“The Great Gerri Kellman, can’t handle feeling human?” he teases. </p>
<p>She makes a face, like she’s unimpressed and he just slouches farther back into the couch. His attention drifts to the tv which has some murder thing on, a genre he finds appealing generally. </p>
<p>Her feet slowly stretch out into his lap, he glances over, a small smirk she can’t seem to hide. He grabs a stockinged foot, rubs his thumbs along her arch, getting a satisfied sigh out of her. </p>
<p>“You know I don’t think stockings have been required in the Waystar employee handbook for a decade,” he pokes, tickling her to the point she jerks her foot back a little, kicking his hand away. </p>
<p>“They changed it in 2014 actually.” </p>
<p>He grabs her foot, bends down and kisses the top of it as a form of apology. She seems to accept it, because her feet are back in his lap, eyes on the screen. He splits his attention between her and the show, kneading her muscles absently. She starts to roll her head and stretch her neck and he knows she’s more strung out than she’s let on. </p>
<p>“I’m actually kind of exhausted, I might head off to bed,” he suggests. </p>
<p>Her attention is still tied to the screen, slowly processing what he’s said. “Sure,” she says, voice a little scratchy. He kisses her feet again for safe measure, before getting up, offering her his hand. </p>
<p>Roman let’s her lead the way, giving her a little goose on the way to the bedroom. She stops short when she gets into the room, seeing the mess he’s made of his bags in the corner in front of her closet entry. </p>
<p>“Roman?” it’s equal parts a question and reprimand. </p>
<p>“Yes?” he tries for his best innocent voice. </p>
<p>She points to the bag and the items clearly just pulled out of it and dropped next, like it exploded. </p>
<p>“Oh you mean my mess?” tries to smile his way out of her frown. </p>
<p>She closes one eye, scrunches her face in a new way to him, like a migraine has just started and if she tightens her face hard enough she can fight it. “We’re going to keep your things in another bedroom I think,” saying diplomatically. </p>
<p>“That may be best,” he crowds her, hands at her neck, lips on her forehead. </p>
<p>“You seemed to be able to keep your house clean, I don’t see how that’d be hard to manage here,” she says in a tone he knows as the friendly side of pissed. </p>
<p>“Oh Ger, come on, I had cleaners in the day before you arrived.” </p>
<p>She gives him an unimpressed look, “Lovely.”</p>
<p>He raises his hands in his defense, “Hey, I’m kidding, I’m good about like gross bullshit, but a sock here, a shirt there, not my deal.” He smiles at her, but see no concessions are likely, “But, you want tidy little Tim, can do Serg.” </p>
<p>She ignores him, heading into the bathroom, leaving him to pick up and relocate his mess. He comes back to hearing water running, it doesn’t sound like the shower, knows she’s probably taking a bath. The door is closed and he doesn’t know how best to handle it, if she’s in that tub, he wants to be in there, but also respects her right to privacy. </p>
<p>He lays out on the bed, playing on his phone. He decides to text Shiv to let her know he’ll be in town even though he knows she’ll be nosey as shit. </p>
<p>He starts to drift off by the time Gerri comes back out, glasses-less, wrapped up in her robe, chest and face a little flushed, hair curly, pulled back. Her cheeks are rosy, he doesn’t know if it’s from the heat from the bath or her cold, but he thinks she looks sweet.</p>
<p>He gives her an approving smile and wink, as she walks over settling on her side of the bed. </p>
<p>“I’m gonna brush,” he tosses off, kissing her cheek before slinking out of bed. </p>
<p>He left his toothbrush next to hers when he was in earlier and the visual makes him smile. On his way out he grabs a bottle of oil from his bag. An ex-trainer was in the habit of always carrying around massage oils as it, “came in handy.” He took it upon himself to follow the man’s technique. </p>
<p>When he gets back to the bedroom, Gerri is sitting against the headboard, book in hand, pretty impressive glasses on her face, it makes him laugh a little, getting her attention. </p>
<p>“You look like a sexy librarian,” he crawls up the bed to his side, stealing a kiss, running a finger past the curls around her ear. </p>
<p>“Certainly don’t feel it right now,” she says looking down slightly, her voice strained. </p>
<p>He can smell the menthol from her shiny skin already, a little saddening she’s in such discomfort. </p>
<p>“Body hurt?” he asks.</p>
<p>“Just tired,” she admits, but he has a sense there is more. </p>
<p>“Want a rub down?” he says suggestively, shaking the bottle of oil a little trying to tempt her. </p>
<p>She lets her hold on the book loose, dropping it to her lap, giving him a firm once over, before shrugging, “what could it hurt?” </p>
<p>“Lovely to have your full faith and support as always Geraldine,” he mocks, but positions himself next to her to service her however she needs. </p>
<p>There’s a moment when she loosens her robe, clearly nude beneath it, that he thinks she might be a little shy. He’s never thought of her that way before, so strong and bold in every other arena. He chalks it up to being extra vulnerable because of the cold.</p>
<p>He gets a little thrill that she just lets the robe slip to the floor, like he’s made her an accomplice to his mess. She slides down, under the covers, arms hug her pillow around her head. He pulls back the blankets to the top of her butt, kissing her spine as he does it. </p>
<p>The oil is slicker than he remembers, but it works pretty well, letting his fingers slide down her back, thumbs tracing the sides of her spine, palms circling her shoulder blades. He’s had a million massages, knows the general points of interest, but never done it himself. She’s responsive, sighing when he hits a tight coil of muscles, breathing through his methodical pushing against it. He gets a moan when he gets up her neck to the base of her head, light, tight circles pulling all the stress of the day away. </p>
<p>When she feels good a jellified he slips lower, pulling the blankets off slowly, re-oiling his hands to run up the back of her thighs to her phenomenal ass. It takes every bit of his self control to not swat it. The sighs continue as he works over her legs, sides of her thighs, and calves. </p>
<p>He runs his hands up from the back of her knees, along the inside of her thighs, testing out her reaction. She groans a little, shifts her hips as he gets close to the junction, trying to catch them. He continues on, rubbing down her legs before he does it again, getting a little closer this time. She mimics her earlier action, mewls a little when his hands drop away. </p>
<p>He slides a hand between her legs, middle finger brushing up against her. Her body shakes in a quaint way that makes him smile, “That okay?” he says soft and low as possible. </p>
<p>“Yes,” it’s quick and breathy, perfect. </p>
<p>He does it again, slower, and it sounds like the air gets caught in the back of her throat. </p>
<p>“You sure?” he teases. </p>
<p>“Fuck you,” she hums into her pillow, pushing back into his hand slightly, rubbing her face in the softness for cover. </p>
<p>“I think you mean “fuck me” sweetheart,” he says mocking. He’s never asked about how she feels about pet names. He’s somehow become attached to calling her sweetheart when he’s fucking with her. </p>
<p>“Said what I said,” she murmurs and he suspects she’s close to incoherent. </p>
<p>He’s sure to get the pad of his middle finger coated in her wetness, slipping it down to give her sensitive bundle of nerves it’s proper attention. </p>
<p>She sighs, heavier than he remembers, hips rolling in time with his. She’s sopping. It reminds him how much of a failure he was last time, when they were together in Aspen. He’d spend forever trying to get this right for her, wishes it could be that way when he was inside her. </p>
<p>She shifts, moving with him, breathing heavy and slow. "Rome," she sighs, put he knows there was a purpose. Plays with her for a couple more seconds before he slips his middle finger inside of her. The groan she lets out goes straight though him. </p>
<p>"More," she's quiet and desperate, rolling her hips against his hand, fucking herself against him. He couldn't dream of holding out on her now, adding a finger. </p>
<p>He doesn’t know what does it, but suddenly she’s moaning and then tightening every muscle in her body. It’s a relief that he can offer her some relief, that’s he’s not a total waste of space. She stretches out, extending her arms up and then out, brushing his legs. </p>
<p>“Thank you, that was lovely,” she says as if he was under contract. </p>
<p>“All in a day's work, ma’am,” he flops down next to her, laying on his side facing her as she lays on her stomach.</p>
<p>“I’d hope not,” she sighs, still trying to settle on her pillow. She looks over at him, to the strain in his underwear. “I can’t move now.” </p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” he says, brushing her hair. Normally he’d be cool with an swift hour of blue balls, but he’s been horny for what feels like a solid month now. Suddenly, he feels like he’s back to their early days, feels kind of thrilled about it, taking himself in his hand. His eyes shift over her body, her freshly licked lips, darkened eyes, skin red from the attention of his hands. He closes his eyes, thinks about the noises she’s just made, how fucking wet she was for him. It takes no time at all, before he’s grunting, shooting into his hand. </p>
<p>He inelegantly wipes his hand on the bed, hoping she doesn’t mind or can have the housekeeper change the sheets. </p>
<p>“What a pleasant welcome home,” he jokes. </p>
<p>“Already earning your keep,” she says dreamily, eyes closed, letting the weight of the day take over. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her alarm is a fucking nightmare. It’s probably the crack of dawn, based on how dark it still is in the room. He feels her leave the bed, but is too exhausted to put up a fight about it. </p>
<p>When he awakes again, he’s positive she’s gone. A text on his phone saying she expects to be home by 5. He checks his work email, texts Alice to call him whenever she has a free couple minutes. </p>
<p>On the way back to LA from Aspen, Muhsin poked him a couple times about the possibility of an NYC firm. He’s been talking around it with Alice every time they’ve talked since. Aside from that, he’s got a free day. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Roman:   </b>u up?</p>
<p><b>Tabitha:   </b>such a dork</p>
<p><b>R:  </b>Sexiest dork in NYC, if you must. </p>
<p><b>T:  </b> You would. How long are you here for?</p>
<p><b>R:</b>   Haven’t decided exactly. At least a week probably. </p>
<p><b>T:  </b> Interesting. </p>
<p><b>R:</b>   Figured you might need some entertainment these last few days of bed rest? </p>
<p><b>T: </b>  You’re inviting yourself over to my home while I’m 8.5 months pregnant?</p>
<p><b>R: </b>  You moved in to my apartment without really being invited, I thought boundaries aren’t really our thing. </p>
<p><b>T: </b>  Come over if you must, but bring food and you have to do as I say. </p>
<p><b>R: </b>  Aye Aye </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gets dressed, packs his laptop into his bag. It’s annoying how even though he hasn’t lived in the city for years it still feels like home. He spent most of his life feeding off the city’s energy. Gerri’s neighborhood is not what he’d have chosen in his time. Sensible, convenient, safe, beyond nice, he doesn’t think it’s bad though. </p>
<p>The cab sort of makes him insane, but he’d hate driving here worse. He remembered she loved a bunch of bullshit from a coffeeshop that’s not too out of the way, and he’s pretty surprised to find it still exists. He gets a box of basically everything they have and a large coffee. Arriving at Tabitha’s door, goodies in hands, a stranger letting him in. </p>
<p>He walks into they’re living room, finding Tabitha reading on the couch with Louis resting casually in a chair across from her, typing away on his phone. </p>
<p>“I’m understanding now what they mean by good breeding, looking at the two of you monsters,” he jokes. “Jacques-Louis, if I may say so, your fiancé is looking very pregnant and lovely, but you are looking much more devastating.”</p>
<p>“Souris ermite!” Louis greets, kissing both of his cheeks, “What a pleasure!”</p>
<p>“It really isn’t,” Tabitha counters, reaching out for the box in his hands, “Gimme.” </p>
<p>He hands it to her, pulling off his bag and sitting next to her. </p>
<p>“Can I get you anything Roman? A plate or anything for your coffee?” Louis asks. </p>
<p>He looks at Tabitha, who is biting into a macaron, he just offers a shake of his head. </p>
<p>“Tabs has mentioned you have a girlfriend,” he says, sort of leaving it hanging. </p>
<p>“Did she now?” Roman gives a tight smile. </p>
<p>“I didn’t say girlfriend, I said, Roman has a complicated romantic entanglement,” Tabitha helpfully clarifies. </p>
<p>Louis laughs, “Sorry for misrepresenting your statement, Roman, I hear you have a complicated romantic entanglement.” </p>
<p>“That might be accurate,” Roman is willing to concede. </p>
<p>“I’d suggest a meal should be shared,” he says. </p>
<p>“So she can leave me for you? I wouldn’t dream of it,” Roman jokes, “We’re not really at the double date phase, but I’ll keep you top of the list.” </p>
<p>“Boo,” Tabs huffs next to him. </p>
<p>Louis puts around for a couple minutes longer before heading out to his office, leaving him alone with Tabitha as she destroys another macaron. </p>
<p>“I don’t get why you like those, they’re disgusting.” </p>
<p>“They’re delicious, and very nice of you to leave the macaron bashing until the Frenchman has left.” </p>
<p>“And risk our budding romance, I would never! Those things taste like flower petals and perfume. Disgusting” </p>
<p>“I bet Gerri likes them,” she mocks. </p>
<p>“I bet she does.” He lets it sit for a minute, but it might be the best opening he has, so takes it. “So, I do honestly love seeing you, I mean I mostly love seeing Louis, but your good too. But…”</p>
<p>“Fucking knew it!” she says, “What is your terrible scheme have you devised that I must talk you out of?” </p>
<p>“Gerri’s birthday is tomorrow.” </p>
<p>“Uh huh.” </p>
<p>“And I don’t have a gift.” </p>
<p>“Of course you don’t.”</p>
<p>“We’re having dinner with her daughters.” </p>
<p>“And you don’t have a gift.”</p>
<p>He just shakes his head. </p>
<p>“You don’t deserve her,” she says in a serious tone, “I mean probably plenty of reasons she doesn’t deserve you, but dude, you can’t figure out a birthday gift?” </p>
<p>“I was in Spain,” he says, hoping it’s an adequate defense. </p>
<p>“Oh yes, Spain, notoriously a place with no nice things you could purchase for gifts,” she says sarcastically. </p>
<p>“What’s done is done. Let’s focus on the present.” </p>
<p>He leans over and reaches into his bag pulling out his laptop, taking a sip of coffee along the way. “I made a list of ideas on the plane,” he says, a little proud of himself, before he turns the screen to her. </p>
<p>She hums her way through the list, before finishing and looking at him. “Sex stuff with three question marks is on here four times,” she says straight faced. </p>
<p>“I thought it was worth noting how often the idea came up.” </p>
<p>“So your plan was to give Gerri whips and a ball gag in front of her grown daughters?” she says, not making it through before she starts to laugh at him. </p>
<p>“Obviously that is more of a bedroom gift,” he says, cheeks getting a little pink at the suggestion, “give her like a necklace or something at the restaurant?” </p>
<p>“God no, remember that bracelet you gave me, hideous, you have terrible taste in jewelry.” </p>
<p>“Well, that’s why I’m here, you’d pick it out obviously.”</p>
<p>“Do I get to fuck her after dinner?” </p>
<p>“No,” he says like he knows it’s the right answer but also knows he’s about to be dunked on. </p>
<p>“Then I’m not picking it out. You pick things and I will tell you which is the least terrible. But if it were me, don’t go with jewelry. Her daughters are probably going to give her earrings or something and she doesn’t want that from you too.” </p>
<p>“A book?”</p>
<p>“What’s Gerri’s favorite book?” </p>
<p>“War and Peace? I don’t know!”</p>
<p>“What about art? You could get her a  painting? Maybe photography? A Maplethrope for over the toilet?”</p>
<p>“I only know she likes Turner and Degas, and I’m not tryna drop 10 mill on a painting she will probably like. I’m normy rich now, not like Roy rich.”</p>
<p>“There’s a new Celine 16 bag that I could likely get you, do you want to get her a fantastic purse?” </p>
<p>“It’s bad that I can’t think of anything she likes, right?” he dramatically collapses back on the couch. </p>
<p>“Ro, it’s long distance, it’s hard, and you haven’t been together that long, relax, she isn’t going to dump you because she doesn’t like the present you get her.” </p>
<p>He huffs, pouting, “What did Louis get you for your first birthday?” </p>
<p>She gets a wistful look that means he’s about to feel more like shit, “He planned a whole day, very sweet, but he got me hiking boots and a cute coat.” </p>
<p>“Hiking boots? That was a good gift?” </p>
<p>“I don’t see you ever getting into hiking, so no obviously not for you, but yes, they were great. Maybe the idea is something unexpected, offer her something you don’t or can’t typically do.”</p>
<p>It’s not a terrible idea. He lets it sit in the back of his mind, roll around for a while. He throws his hands up and admits defeat, turning the conversation to her and the coming changes to her life. </p>
<p>“Do you have names picked out?” </p>
<p>“None that I’m willing to tell you.” </p>
<p>“I think Romulus works for both a boy or a girl, I mean what is gender anyway,” he cheekily suggests.</p>
<p>“I feel like that would just be tempting a terrible fate for this poor child, you as their namesake.” </p>
<p>“Come on, there are like two famous Romuluses, both tremendously successful.”</p>
<p>“Both raised by wolves,” she counters. </p>
<p>He smiles at that. </p>
<p>She starts fading in the afternoon, gives her some peace by leaving. He’s able to pull together half a plan for a gift that doesn’t feel stupid or too much. Mild embarrassment sets in throughout the whole process, he’s pretty sure he gave Grace cash for Christmas once. He stashes it all in the bedroom that contains his suitcases, happy to see clean close waiting for him when he came in. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The call with Alice goes well. They agree he’s okay to continue to work out of New York and slowly strategize their next move until he makes it back to LA, when they can hash it out. She was cautious in a very sweet way, reminding him that she’s only in LA because it was the farthest she could get after a break up. And he wants to be mad about it, that she thinks he’s being a little reckless, but she’s been around sad hermit mouse Roman for 3 years. It’s impossible to describe what Gerri means to him based on the timeline of their last couple months. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gerri gets home at 6 instead of 5, finds him watching a movie on the couch while watching a movie on his laptop. </p>
<p>“I was thinking salads,” she says, brow a little furrowed trying to reason out what he’s doing. </p>
<p>“Sounds good, I’ll do the super greens one,” he doesn’t look up from the computer but hears her walk out of the room. </p>
<p>She’s back a little later, sans shoes and stockings but still in her work clothes. He finally looks at her, and remembers she’s sick and he’s being a dick. </p>
<p>“How are you feeling today?” </p>
<p>“A lot better honestly, but I think I’m going to take a shower, a little steam might do me some good, do you think you could grab the food when it arrives.” </p>
<p>He just nods, watches her shuffle out of the room. </p>
<p>When she comes back out, he has their food set up at the table. Throughout the meal he slowly pulls information about her than ever before, happy to learn little likes and dislikes he was too stupid to ever ask. The thought jumps into his head and makes him a little nervous, “They aren’t going to quiz me on anything, will they?” </p>
<p>“Hann and Maggie?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, like I have to answer a series of questions correctly to get their approval? What’s you favorite food and all that.” </p>
<p>She smirks at him, “Do you need their approval?” </p>
<p>He’s on the backfoot here, “Well, you did say, it will be whatever, but I can see the benefit for everyone if we got along.”</p>
<p>Her smile turns a little sad and he readies himself for whatever she says next, “Rome, there’s a real chance they don’t ever warm to this. And that’s not just about you, it’s a weird thing we have.” His face drops a little and she must have noticed because she reaches out for his hand, “Good, it’s good too, but it’s weird, it’s hard from the outside with the age difference and the family connection to not be suspect.” </p>
<p>“Men do it all the time,” he says trying to find some way to feel less nauseous. </p>
<p>“It’s weird when they do it too, we just pass less judgement, but if it were Baird in my shoes and he was dating Shiv, they’d go fucking mental. I just don’t want you to go in thinking this is something you can charm your way out of, to their credit, they’re pretty fucking uncharmable.” </p>
<p>“I’d expect no less from a Kellman,” he tries to lighten the air, offering to clean up her dishes, but she follows him into the kitchen, glass of wine refilled in hand. </p>
<p>“It’d be gross if it were Baird,” he’s facing the sink, not sure he wants to look at her directly for this. “But you guys did stuff with her, took her to shit, gifts and shit, no offense but you were only ever my dad’s lawyer’s wife or my dad’s lawyer to me. You were hot, noticed that from time to time, but I don’t really remember you aside from a couple shitty things you said. I was racking my brain trying to remember which holidays you were there for growing up after you mentioned the ski thing, and fuck all I draw is a blank. My memories are all Kendall’s bullshit and Dad being fucking pissed about something I said and Shiv being a bitch.” He finally looks over at her and she has a sad smile. </p>
<p>“I didn’t like kids, when you were young, never really wanted to be around the Roy brood. Shiv was a horror, but Baird wanted so badly to help, maybe make her a little bit more whole?” she pauses and just shrugs. “We met at work, like a lot of people, it’s just obviously much more complicated than that.” </p>
<p>She steps up to him, trying to catch his eyes, “I like you.” </p>
<p>He puts his hands on her neck, “Oh yeah? Even though I’m much too young for you and some may see it as incestuous-adjacent?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, even though all of that.”</p>
<p>“I like you too,” he leans up kissing her forehead. “I like you a lot,” he says before placing a quick peck on her cheek. “Maybe too much.”</p>
<p>“That’s nice to hear with you meeting my children and all,” she mocks.</p>
<p>“I like your hair,” he says, tucking a curl behind her ear, “I like your forehead and how fucking expressive and terrifying you are,” he kisses her forehead again. “I like your dry, too smart for me, sense of humor, and your wit.” He crowds he a little more, “I like that you can be mean and fucking filthy, but also the softest thing I’ve ever touched,” his arm slipping around her waist. “I like how you’re fucking amazing at your job and Frank was always terrified of you. I like how open and ready you are for anything to happen, unafraid of what is going to be thrown at you.” </p>
<p>He nuzzles into her neck, his whole body pressed up against his. “Do you want me to go on? There’s an after dark version of the list as well.” </p>
<p>She captures his mouth in response and it feels like coming home. </p>
<p> </p>
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